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Kristen

Kristen

I live in an uncool neighborhood and write a blog no one reads about stuff nobody's interested in.

On 11 Fashion Trends It Would Be Nice to See Die in 2011

Right? You will get my striped shirts away from me the day you convince me that wearing them does not, in fact, magically make me Jean Seberg. And I've been working this delusion a long time, bub.

Posted on January 10, 2011 at 4:07 pm 1

On Take Some Matrimony Leave

How is it a matrimonial leave if you're the only one taking time off? Obviously, her husband — who works at KKR! — couldn't take time off from KKR (where he works) when he has so many things to do! At KKR! KAY KAY ARRRRRRRRR

Posted on January 10, 2011 at 3:59 pm 0

On Writhing Alien Baby Enjoys His Time in Utero

I found this to be the first of me asking aloud "omg, seriously? what are you fucking doing?" which came in handy later when, for example, my kid was a toddler and I found her naked and taking a shit on the living room floor.

Posted on January 7, 2011 at 1:19 pm 1

On Writhing Alien Baby Enjoys His Time in Utero

Speaking from experience, it's less of a bonding moment and more of a "jesus christ what the fucking fuck is going ON in there, don't make me turn this uterus around, you goddamn kid(s)" moment.

Posted on January 7, 2011 at 10:42 am 0

On Do I Really Need to Wear Highlighter on My Face?

Benefit = so very very good to those of us who are maybe a little ridiculously pale. If they ever stop making that Dandelion powder, I will go into a hulk-rage.

Posted on January 3, 2011 at 5:13 pm 2

On The Great American Wedding Gown

You just know this is actually going to be worn by a Wonder Woman fan at his/her ComicCon cosplay wedding, though.

Posted on January 3, 2011 at 5:01 pm 0

On Oo-ooh, Someone's Mad at The New Yorker

You know Swampscott only reads the New Yorker to impress Marblehead.

Posted on January 3, 2011 at 12:41 pm 0

On The Best Time I Cried for a Totally Ridiculous Reason

A couple years ago, I wrote an essay about moving to a neighborhood where I was the only non-Latino. Some white power forum picked it up and there was a big thread on what a fucking idiot I was how they all looked forward to my next essay describing how I got mugged and/or sexually assaulted. My husband did his best to reassure me but I was completely hysterical over it: "Bu-bu-bu-but WHHHYYY are they so MEAAAAN to MMMEEEE?"

Posted on December 28, 2010 at 10:40 am 0

On Some Emotions About Emoticons

(o)(O) — puberty boobs. I got one boob before I had the other and for like, 6 weeks, I was pretty sure I had cancer and was going to doe.

Posted on December 23, 2010 at 3:59 pm 0

On Do You Want to Have Anal Sex With Your Funny Friend?

Can "Ask A Dude" get like, a dozen spin-offs? Maybe "Ask An Old Lady (Who Is Super Cool And You Kind Of Hope To Be Her Later)" or "Ask Someone Who's Cooler Than You (About Stuff You Think Is Maybe Making You Look Like A Dork)"?

Posted on December 23, 2010 at 3:45 pm 2