@sycofan You have to put yourself out there in ways that are terrifying at first and then get better with time. I am new at it too, basically I am relying on the people I have met at work. I have social anxiety and worry that people will find me boring, or are just being outwardly nice to me when they may actually dislike me.
Recently I told all the girls in the office that I wanted to hang out. I gave them all my number. I was trying to play it cool, and then I noticed we were all trying to play it cool! We all wanted to hang out this whole time! We'll see what happens, but so far I am feeling optimistic.
At the end of the day, you have to make the first move if its something you really want.
"With pure will, that’s how. I know you have it in you. I’m not worried and you shouldn’t be either. Let the ground beneath you give you comfort. When you charge forth, the earth will hold you up."
That really touched me, thank you. I really hate Winter Break and I actually HAVE been walking around my apartment slowly going crazy. This upcoming year I'm conducting my own research AND getting married right after the other and its really nice to hear the universe say, "Come on, you know we're not worried."
I won't be worried either then :) I'll do my best.
I liked this. I'm getting married next year and its been a little surprising having to field the name-change questions. I'm not keeping my name--I didn't have loving parents, and my biological grandpa ran out on my loving, beautiful grandma, so the name means nothing to me.
If my last name were my Grandma's maiden name then maybe, but my last name has always felt like a lie. As an adult I started using my first and middle name on social media, as that is who I identify as. Adding my future husbands name to my identity feels thrilling--like I am finally realizing the loving family I have always wanted. We are a unit, and a community, and s support network, and it makes me so happy. Being able to throw out the old name that only reminded me of a bad past makes me feel so excited.
At any rate, we're eloping in a private, special place to both of us. Instead of me walking towards him, we are going to hold hands and walk towards the officiant together, as equals. We've been together for 4 years so this isn't a case where we are starting our lives together, we're just continuing our lives together.
He gave me a heads up a year before he asked me to marry him just so I could get used to the idea, the guy knows me so well. When he did ask me, I was really surprised by my reaction. I just sobbed and sobbed like I was purging something bad out of my system--like I was getting rid of something deep and unconscious and icky that I had thought about myself which was at once forcefully proved wrong. You would think that after therapy, a thriving goal oriented life, and a long term relationship that I would feel loveable--but the symbolism of the ring on my finger totally engulfed me in a way that it shouldn't have but did anyway. I felt really safe, and all this black sludge of self doubt just melted out of me.
I got to kids crafts and I swear to god...I haven't laughed that hard in months. Tears coming from my EYES. I tried to stop, knowing my fiancé was reading next to me, but the tears and the laughter just kept coming. Finally Annoyed Fiancé had to take a look and then his commentary was killing me...oh god. More of this. More of this forever please.