On Dramatic Real Life Confessions

"everyone in cycling dopes, you have to dope to compete"

This is just not true.

For perceptive insight try:


Posted on January 18, 2013 at 12:33 pm 1

On Another Trend-Death Wishlist

While I don't really care about what other people wear, I hate all of those things. For me. Except...I can't get rid of my giant bow. I grew up semi-worshiping Paula Yates. Fashion choices, not life choices.

Uggs are slippers. My ma would be shocked and dismayed if I wore slippers/dressing gown/curlers/smoked cigarettes in public.

Posted on December 14, 2011 at 7:24 am 1

On Smoking: The Pros and Cons (Excluding All Health Risks)

Con: total strangers saying shitty things about you in public, or worse, concern trolls telling you you should quit. Oh quit? Really? It is bad for you or something, I hadn't heard.

I was in the smoking area of a bar recently enjoying a cigarette with my G&T, with a couple of my lady friends. A co-worker of one of my friends spotted her, and joined us, only to sit down, stare at us and repeatedly say loudly "I didn't know you smoked. That's disgusting. God, look at you. You're all disgusting. That's so revolting."

I couldn't help but mention that his obvious tanning habit was grossing me out, and could give him cancer.

Posted on September 27, 2011 at 8:11 pm 5

On Qream Watch

Even my lavender suit wearing, button hole flower sporting, Emily Gilmore obsessed homosexual Great Uncle Kenneth would be all "That's a lot of pastel."

But I totally love it when my alcohol comes in recycled Avon bottles from the 80s. Classy.

Posted on August 5, 2011 at 5:31 pm 1

On Do You Know About Summer Heights High?

Ooh Summer Heights High!! I haven't seen it since I was last home in Australia in 2008. Fucking genius.

Posted on August 5, 2011 at 4:56 pm 0

On Single Dads, Aging, and Acquaintansex

Hey #2 Lady, as the step-daughter of a woman who resented my existence, and any time and thought and love my father gave to me, and punished me for it, I'm begging you not to go there.

Having to fight her to keep my dad in my life, to not believe the shitty things she made me feel about myself because she didn't want me around, to block out the resentment she felt towards my mother and never bothered to hide, all mean that even though I'm 30 and they divorced when I was 15, I still fucking hate and despise that bitch for the shit she did to me, and had to go through years of therapy as a teenager, because her campaign to make me feel unwanted left me destroyed.

Don't think you could ever be that evil to your lover's kids? Look at what you're saying about his commitment to them already. You will resent them more and more, you will turn mean, you will be hated forever and possibly fuck people up emotionally. Don't do that.

Posted on August 5, 2011 at 4:19 pm 12

On Nine Excerpts From the August 2011 Vogue, Presented Without Commentary

Does Sarah Jessica Parker's face induce females into spending frenzies at Bergdorfs or something? I mean, that's the goal right?

You have to hand it to Vogue, they're truly innovative in encouraging self loathing, insecurity and credit card debt. And mediocrity in journalism. And mediocrity in fashion.

@melis yep, Vanity Fair is the grossest, grosser even than animal fats. And who know you thinks VF is totally edgy and rocknroll? My man friend's rich, early retired, bourgeois parents. That is weak. The only thing they think is cooler than VF is living in a town where everyone is rich, white and over 50. Everyone.

Posted on August 5, 2011 at 2:49 am 0

On You Look Tired

O fuck. I used to get you look tired/long day eh?/smile! all the time at my former job doing airline flight ops. We'd all (only the females that is) get comments on our appearance. I think it's a common belief in the airline industry that female employees' appearance is somehow public property, that passengers have a right to comment on it somehow. Probably the whole "stewardess" fetish bullshit.

It was a charter airline whose system wasn't computerized and my job was technical.I would get royally pissed and try to explain that I was concentrating on doing calculations involving cargo weight, fuel, aircraft weight etc, triple checking them and checking weather reports and dispatch messages so your plane doesn't fucking crash, asshole.

Posted on July 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm 5

On What It's Like to Get a Breast Reduction

The idea that only a certain size and shape of breast is attractive is really upsetting, and it's bullshit. I have very large, natural boobs on a small frame, and if people stare at my boobs (and I never go the cleavage in your face route), that's their problem, not mine. It has nothing to do with who I am. And they have atrociously bad manners.

There's nothing a good quality, professionally fitted bra can't do and with a little shopping savvy and an occasional visit to the alterations guy, there's no clothes I can't find.

Posted on May 19, 2011 at 2:27 pm 0

On Deafening Tampons, Spring Breakers, and the 26-Year-Old Virgin

I work for an airline and let me tell you, airline passengers are impossible to get away from. Once my co worker was rushing to a public loo in the airport with tampon concealed in hand. Inevitably a passenger stopped her being all "Excuse me but where is my brain, I seem to have left it behind when I came to the airport etc". She had had enough that day and was all "I have a freakin tampon here, work it out". He was too bewildered to complain.

Posted on April 11, 2011 at 7:05 pm 1