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On Other People's Kids, Homes

@cosmia Totally. It's not about being a child hater. I am actively trying to conceive a child and I was still appalled recently when friends of my husband's let their kids run all over our house, repeatedly somersault over the back of our sofa and throw Goldfish everywhere.

Posted on May 7, 2013 at 3:18 pm 7

On The "Prom-posal"

I was getting into my car after school one day and a guy from my homeroom who I had almost never had a conversation with suddenly materialized at the door and asked me. I already had a date. It was awkward and I felt soooo bad but also a little creeped out that he a) knew my car, b) sat around near my car waiting for me to show up.

Posted on May 2, 2013 at 9:53 am 2

On Be the Change, Jerks

This takes me back to my college years (2000-2004) when some friends were starting to get cell phones but I was a holdout because I didn't want to pay for one. I had a friend who was constantly late and she was always like, "Well if you had a cell phone I could tell you." And I was like... how about you just keep your word, jackass.

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 1:52 pm 13

On How to Carry a Knockoff Designer Handbag

@waitwhat You know, I shouldn't have stated this so generically and I don't want to offend anyone. I was thinking very specifically of my old bus line and its riders, the vast majority of whom were clearly broke. I am including myself in this grouping. So all I meant was, for anyone riding my crappy bus line and carrying a huge Louis, that bag is suspect.

Posted on October 23, 2012 at 2:51 pm 3

On How to Carry a Knockoff Designer Handbag

My favorite is when I see women with massive fake handbags on the city bus. Lady, if that were real you would not be here with us on the 18.

Posted on October 23, 2012 at 1:07 pm 5

On The Best Time I Published With Harlequin

Posted on August 14, 2012 at 9:46 am 0

On "Ahhh..."

My favorite use of The Girl from Ipanema is in Finding Nemo, when there's a Muzak version playing in the dentist's waiting room. It is too perfect.

Posted on July 10, 2012 at 11:47 am 5

On Nothing Tastes as Good as Not Being Cut Open Feels

@queenieliz Well, the really stupid part was that mine has a safety holder; I think a lot of them do. I just wasn't using it. Because I'm dumb.

Posted on May 3, 2012 at 9:40 am 1

On Nothing Tastes as Good as Not Being Cut Open Feels

Last week I shaved off the tip of my ring finger while slicing an eggplant with a mandoline. It hurt sooo much. And I don't even like eggplant.

Posted on May 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm 2

On The Best Time I Took My Baby to the Emergency Room

@Toby Jug Same thing happened to me! Except I was a dumbass and turned my back when the kid was on the changing table. He was fine in the end, but I don't know if I've forgiven myself all these years later. I think if I have babysitters someday I'll put all the changing supplies in a little station on the floor.

Posted on May 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm 1