I'm from the government and I'm here to gri...help.

On Controversial Opinions Post: The Moisturizer I Don't Like

@Lady Humungus Yassssssss. I am the person all my friends and family turn to for makeup advice. On mascara, I tell them "Maybelline, EXCEPT Great Lash." I have yet to find a mascara I've hated more.* If I wanted to paint liquid on my lashes I could use my calligraphy ink.

*Although I also hate that other perennial favorite, Diorshow. It looks great going on but is so flaky it ends up getting into my eyes. NO.

On a more positive note, I just bought the L'Oreal Voluminous Butterfly and it does exactly what it claims, creating a fuller look at the outer corners. I've been having fun with it!

Posted on April 7, 2015 at 2:20 pm 0

On Men Explain Cars To Me

Every single time someone brings up communication between the sexes within earshot of me, I am going to send them here. This is gold, Jerry. GOLD!

Posted on November 20, 2014 at 3:47 pm 0

On Cat-Calling, Around the World

"I've always had trouble with delineating an appropriate reaction."

In most instances I think the best thing to do is ignore them so completely that they think you didn't notice/hear them at all. When we talk reaction we always ask ourselves how we can turn the tables so they understand how we feel - vulnerable, insignificant, sub-human. The men who do those things want to get our attention and to wield power over us out of their own feelings of inadequacy and insignificance (just like the school bully). The way I see it, you accomplish both table-turning and stripping them of attention/power by being (or, more likely, effectively pretending to be) unaware the thing happened. "If harassment falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it...." In other words: what's the worst thing you can do to a person who feels inadequate and insignificant? Not even notice they are there.

Posted on October 8, 2014 at 4:57 pm 0

On October Horoscopes From Galactic Rabbit

I could really use a song played by Jupiter's beautiful lucky hands. Galactic Rabbit, you are my favorite.

Posted on October 8, 2014 at 4:01 pm 0

On Items At A Specialty Grocery Store

Personally, I'm a fan of the subtle complexities in Deluding Itself That It's Virgin But Totally Isn't Olive Oil.

Would the universe disappear if someone named Karen makes the I'd Like To See You Do Better Karen Cupcakes?

Posted on September 29, 2014 at 3:10 pm 0

On Items At A Specialty Grocery Store

@Anne That story is delightful, ever more so for being about the album that took a sledgehammer to Janet's asexual image. I was in high school when that was released and I would have been mortified to lend it to my mom at that time, but I doubt I would have even noticed the label!

Posted on September 29, 2014 at 3:08 pm 0

On Notes from a Liar

Sometimes I've thought it would be worthwhile to write down the lies I tell over the course of a day or a week or whatever, but I'm more than a little afraid of the results. The human brain is impressively talented at deluding itself.

Posted on September 16, 2014 at 12:19 pm 0

On "A Random Man Has Life Advice"

This is perfect and makes me so happy.

I wonder if there is a video for the man who hits on you by calling you "sassy." I am not 13, fuckwad.

Posted on September 10, 2014 at 1:11 pm 0

On "A Random Man Has Life Advice"

@adriana UGGGGGGGH. There are few things on this planet that irritate me as much as people who assault you via greetings. It's not polite or civil; it's aggressive and assumes obligation on the part of the other person. The biggest reason I don't punch them is that would be acknowledgement, which is what they want.

Posted on September 10, 2014 at 1:08 pm 0

On Why Won't the Catholic Church Ordain Women?

@barefoot cuntessa I too was raised Catholic, and while I don't practice or belong to a specific church, I refuse to officially leave the capital-C Church because they have no incentive to change if people like me leave the system. Staying technically Catholic has qualified me to be a godmother, and say yes every time I'm asked. I'm gonna raise me some subversive, feminist, pushy Catholic kids who won't take no for an answer. I'd far rather stay patient and "in" the shitty system, so I can change it when opportunities arise, than leave and let the patriarchy have free reign to turn back the clock even more.

Posted on August 26, 2014 at 2:18 pm 0