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On 10 Signs You're in a Catfish Situation

You've been caught ca-noodling more than once.

Posted on July 7, 2014 at 4:21 pm 0

On What Kind of Bird Are You?

If you're a bird, then I'm a bird.

Posted on June 23, 2014 at 4:41 pm 1

On Happy Rex Manning Day

"I decided I'd rather kill myself than meet Rex Manning."

Bwahahahahahha. Oh, Deb.

Posted on April 8, 2014 at 11:29 am 0

On BLAH: A Lifestyle Magazine for the Depressed Woman

More! More!!! Beauty tips! Affirmations! Work Outs! Sex tips!

Posted on April 1, 2014 at 1:30 pm 0

On How to Throw a Georgian-Era Christmas Party

I would be the drunk woman in the corner shoving apples and carrots into my updo (horse-hair, darling).

Posted on December 9, 2013 at 3:54 pm 1

On GOOPify Your Sweatshirt, With Googly Eyes

My eyes are UP HERE!

And on my tits.

Posted on November 19, 2013 at 4:15 pm 6

On "Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak": Happy Birthday, Kurt Vonnegut

I have purchased about nine copies of Welcome to the Monkey House. I lend it to people, but they never seem to want to give it back. It's a VERY good book.

Posted on November 11, 2013 at 1:18 pm 0

On Bottom Shelf Nail Polish Names

Fuck Pinterest
Together Lady
Teen Vogue Said So
Tooty Fruity (Toot like Fart)

Posted on July 8, 2013 at 2:21 pm 7

On What Is Your Personal Garbage Music?

Jewel: ♪ ♫ My hands are small, I know... ♪ ♫

Me: Sure.

Jewel: ♪ ♫ But they're not yours... ♪ ♫

Me: I assumed as much.

Jewel: ♪ ♫ They are my own. ♪ ♫

Me: Okay.

Jewel: ♪ ♫ But they're not yours... ♪ ♫

Me: I was told.

Jewel: ♪ ♫ They are my own. ♪ ♫

Me: Oh for fuck's sake.

Posted on July 2, 2013 at 2:31 pm 35

On Ask Baba Yaga: A Significant Life Change

Bring back RELATIONSHAPES!

Posted on June 25, 2013 at 1:46 pm 1