On Other People's Kids, Homes

You know honestly, i know this has been said a million times, but let me add my own voice to the chorus here (narcissism!): these kids sound like nightmares but it really is their parent's fault not theirs. Maybe take a long hard look at the people who are your friends. I have many younger brothers and sisters and we ran absolute riot around our own house, doing all kinds of various terrible things, but had we put a foot out of line in someone else's home my dad would be furious. I remember crying at a friend's house once because my dad said no to me and to this day I can remember the look on his face. He was super into being respectful of other people's space and boundaries, regardless of what our lives were like at home, and I am forever thankful for that, especially reading something like this. My dad loved dinner parties, and we were absolutely not allowed to interfere with the ones he threw, never mind dragging us to someone else's. I think this ties into an idea of having an awareness both of adult boundaries and that of children's- my dad neither wanted to force our presence on others, nor force theirs on us. He lnew we were all mad in our own wats and while at home he encouraged it, in pther people's homes he was strict but fair about how we treated each other and our hosts. To this day when I ring home, I'm surprised at how incredibly polite and well trained my siblings are when hey answer the phone, which was part off dad's emphasis on manners.

Also relevant: when I was about nine, I had a French exchange stay with me who stole EVERYTHING that wasn't glued down. Money, my little glass animals that I looked after like precious jewels, my mother's actual jewellery, items from friends houses that I took him to, which was obviously mortifying for me. And he kept saying oh you have to visit us we live in a chateau in Paris. My parents hated him, this little ten year old, and told everyone what a sneak he was (he also rejected all our food - my dad is a chef - as "too disgusting for words" and ate only salad) . One night, stranded in France, we ended up staying in his home, which was actually a barn at the foot of the hill near someone else's chateau. There were spiders everywhere, and his parents made my mum and dad stay up until six am listening to their avant garde music, which was essentially just pure screaming. In the morning, breakfast was tricky as they didn't use cutlery so we had to drink our cereal. As we drove away the next day all my dad could say was, that poor boy- he never stood a chance.

Posted on May 7, 2013 at 5:44 pm 1

On Claire Messud and the Hammer of Justice

i read this book, and strongly disliked it, but i love how clever she is in her interviews. her thoughtful answers make me wish i could enjoy her writing more.

Posted on May 2, 2013 at 10:18 am 2

On Depression, Mothers-in-Law, Friendzones

For me, LW2 problem feeds into the "people change" caution offered to LW3. LW3 sounds a lot more mature than I was at that age but I will say that the idea of an "un breakable bond that only comes around once in a lifetime" sounds eerily familiar to what I thought when I was that age. I went through a bad break up at 19 and a letter I would have written then would have included the phrase "the kind of deep heartbreak that only comes around once in a lifetime." I was so devastated that the very IDEA of ever moving on made me physically sick, to the point of actually vomiting. Now, I can't imagine even what we would talk about and I have since had my heartbroken in different ways, none as dramatic, but much more serious.

My point isn't that LW3 should or should not get married - do what's right for you! - but that you have no idea what may be in store. Look at letter 2 - seventeen years, two children and suddenly the person who has been there all along seems to be a stranger, and you're devastated at losing someone who still physically exists but mentally seems unreachable. So just.... Give it time. Things are going to change so much and I think going forward with that knowledge without the idea that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity but rather a choice you make because it feels right and you're prepared to work at it, will ultimately make the marriage (when you do marry) much stronger.

Posted on March 22, 2013 at 3:20 pm 2

On Leaving the Girl

Posted on March 14, 2013 at 2:25 pm 0

On The Bestworst Guy

No the best worst guy was a graffiti artist with scars on his face that he only half answered questions about and perfect soft skin the colour of peach in the gap between his skinny jeans and his tshirt. He drew your names in silver spray paint on the gates to a factory and once his girlfriend threw a glass bottle at your head at a club. When you were together he turned his phone off so you two could "be really alone together" but sometimes he forgot and you'd see the missed calls from the girl he'd been supposed to see that night. He liked silk underwear so you bought silk bras in every colour and it was an electric blue one you were wearing in bed the night he left you. You thought he was perfect and loved his chipped teeth but for some reason whenever your friends met him they thought he was boring and didn't like the way he knew everyone in every club and always had cocaine in his pocket and spray paint on his finger tips and his fixie bike chain around shoulders. They didn't seem to get that that was every girl's dream.

And now you live thousands of miles away and that was years ago and last you heard he is still charming much younger girls by stealing them drinks in bars and cheating on his girlfriend and that gate got painted over and actually you don't even like cocaine or deep house or crying so much it felt like you might not stop and you wonder how you ever confused that feeling with that of feeling alive.

Posted on March 11, 2013 at 4:51 pm 55


a huge tricked out range rover with tinted windows in hollywood with the plate "PONOMO"

Posted on February 22, 2013 at 2:50 pm 3

On Dates and Dates

@wee_ramekin i think he really does! i just got a message from my best childhood friend saying he has been hovering on her road and calling to her house looking for me - i don't even live on that continent any more! LOCK UP YOUR CHILDREN

Posted on February 11, 2013 at 6:36 pm 1

On Dates and Dates

i just got a message on facebook from a guy i haven't spoken to in five years saying "are you free on valentine's day? or better yet now?". yes - why delay! we've wasted so much time already!

Posted on February 11, 2013 at 12:43 pm 3

On Dates and Dates

@Mae i thought this was... bizarre. as if being a welder is literally as joke worthy as being... an alien? and then she's like "i know it's taboo! BUT I'LL SAY IT! it didn't work because of class differences!". i was like, nah pretty sure you're just kind of an asshole.

Posted on February 11, 2013 at 12:36 pm 12

On Friday Open Thread

@lizzle on a LOOP.... the perfect kiss

Posted on February 1, 2013 at 6:06 pm 0