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By irrrriiiissshmeeeeexi on Goosebumps for Grown-Ups

"Never say Brazilian"
"Night of the missing receipts: how much did I spend last night, seriously?"
the sequel to that book would be "Beware!the hangover! you're too old to recover."
"The curse of the period. but don't worry you're not pregnant this month."
"Another parking ticket."
"Attack of the aunts! they're going to want to help plan your wedding!"

Posted on July 22, 2013 at 2:46 pm 5

By trappedinabay on Friday Open Thread

Some of you might remember the unpleasantness with my brother's fiance and the no-plus-size-bridesmaid-dress fiasco of '13, wherein she suggested I purchase the fabric and have a seamstress create a dress in my size to the tune of ~$500, and all of you suggested she go soak her head.

Well. I am pleased to report that everything worked out and their wedding is next weekend. She apologized profusely and sincerely, and I no longer want to set her on fire. I think she also learned a thing or two about sensitivity.

For the wedding, her sister and I are wearing coordinating dresses that are different from but complementary to the rest of the bridal party, and I happen to actually LOVE mine (empire waist, floor length and swooshy, straps you can wear a normal bra under, and a pretty light grey / almost purplish color) and feel very pretty in it. So, hooray! Crisis averted!

As a sort of amusing twist of fate that leaves me wondering about karma, Tropical Storm Andrea might make it rain on their wedding. And my name is Andrea.

Posted on June 7, 2013 at 4:30 pm 32

By Emby on Beauty Secrets: Human Tears

@iceberg Personally, I melt like the Wicked Witch of the West when I come into contact with tears, so for me, it's just pure survival instinct.

Posted on June 5, 2013 at 2:41 pm 12

By Faintly Macabre on Other People's Kids, Homes

@.abbey Did your dad ever do the "come into the other room with me for a minute" thing? That was my mom's last step if we ignored multiple warnings to stop being obnoxious in front of other people. And when we came back, we were very good.

Posted on May 7, 2013 at 5:57 pm 2

By parallel-lines on Other People's Kids, Homes

HAHAHAHAHA, GIRL COME SIT NEXT TO ME.

Oh god, you guys. I'm sorry, I know parenting is hard: really and truly. That is why I am not a parent, because know thyself and whatever. But please do not insist that I am obligated to baby sit your kids, to feed your kids if you happen to be in the area. I'm not obligated to let your kids play with or break my stuff. Imma do me, and me has nice furniture and a quiet house full of white wine and sharp corners. Me leaves knives around EVERYWHERE because why not?

I'm married and I feel uncomfortable asking someone to host me and my husband. I cannot imagine asking this if I was rolling deep.

And part of me is scared to ever leave NYC because I know my percentage of friends without kids will go from 75% to....roughly zeroish.

In short: firm but polite NO followed by a listing of local hotels.

Posted on May 7, 2013 at 3:33 pm 34

By Maryaed on Claire Messud and the Hammer of Justice

It's a dumb question but there's a big difference between unsympathetic characters and characters who are neither likable nor engaging, and Claire Messud's tend toward the latter.

Posted on May 2, 2013 at 11:11 am 6

By frenz.lo on Leaving the Girl

@queenofbithynia I would like to read the essay by someone about the mousy friend of their youth who followed the writer around wringing their hands and interfering with the writer's shoplifting. "The other day, as I was waiting at a railroad crossing in a burning convertible, a boxcar rolled by, and an old acquaintance yelled from the door that X works in HR for a credit card company now, and has a golden retriever. 'She is active in her book cluuuuuuuub,' I thought I heard him say as the train rolled out of sight. I shed a single tear, and reflected on the choices of our youth. Would we have chosen differently if we knew we were playing for keeps? Nothing gold can stay. Then I noticed my face was on fire, so I opened a bottle of indeterminate pills and went on about my day."

Posted on March 14, 2013 at 2:03 pm 41

By sarah girl on The Bestworst Guy

My best/worst guy once told me, without a trace of irony, that the Apocalypse would be coming in our lifetimes and he and his best friend would be the heroes leading the charge against evil.

I can't really remember the best parts now.

Posted on March 12, 2013 at 9:56 am 12

By Danzig! on The Bestworst Guy

@.abbey also, very well done!

Posted on March 11, 2013 at 10:08 pm 2

By wee_ramekin on The Bestworst Guy

@par_parenthese

O_O

Posted on March 11, 2013 at 7:33 pm 13