On "At what other moment in history would it have been plausible for a serial killer to identify middle-aged white men as his most vulnerable targets?"
@Megasus Such shoehorning! Oh Hannah Rosin, I like you as a person, but I hate you as only I can hate Atlantic article clickbait about pseudo social issues. The decline of men is also the rise of involved men's parenting, and I'm going to prove this with the one scientific case study of a murderer's victims? Oh rly? Ok, suuuree.
My mom works for non profits and she told me how she'll get into some meeting to help the board brainstorm about new members and they'll be like, "how about a lawyer, how about a business owners, etc" and she'll be like, "how about someone who isn't white?" and then she usually has a list of names of people she's met who she thinks would be good. And she said, "it just never occurs to people to ask. if you ask them they won't feel like they're excluding anyone, but since they're going to reach out to the people they know well, they won't end up reaching out to anyone from other groups." So she tries to actively curate names of people who she thinks would be awesome on boards, and have that alternate list, and its been going pretty well- I get the sense that that invitation has started to create some more integrated boards.
And I think that's what needs to happen online. Your Jessica Valenti's and whomevers when they get a phone call to write about Trayvon should say, "That's a great idea for a piece, I know a woman who is perfect for this topic, let me call her and introduce you." The hairpin should be like, "we want another comic strip. Lets go looking for a comic strip by a black woman and see if she wants to come on board." This would require willingness to share pieces of a pie that isn't huge, and I think that's where a lot of it comes in. There's a default to lazy atlantic article feminism like Jia said and there's a territorial aspect (much less so here on the hairpin than in other places!)- if you are trying to launch your career its not like you want to give up any paid gig even if you hear that tiny voice saying your voice isn't the one that should be speaking.
Did he load the heavier stuff into a car before you chased him away? Was he making multiple trips? How creepy!
@franceschances- when I read the Questlove thing I was thinking how its crazy terrible for them both in that situation. Women and black men are coming at it from the opposite side but it results in the same aspect of being really really careful and constrained with how you are in public.
@Faintly Macabre That is a good friend. My boyfriend and I have a biannual conversation that goes something like, "I don't get how you can possibly enjoy this, its like the worst music. Worser than Justin Bieber, because at least Bieber knows he's in it to be a dirty whore, there's something pure about that I can respect. This woman thinks she's art when shes just the worst ever." and then he counters with, "I don't understand why you don't get the most deep soulful beautiful pure example of music and life, its like you are missing part of your soul, maybe you will never understand me." and then I say something along the lines of, "yes I do, you want to bone a ren-faire girl with a harp who has a pretend deep soul. Sorry I like beyonce more." And then he sighs at my hard heart and goes off singing his joanna songs quietly to himself, while weeping, and I stomp off and find a rare fern growing quietly in a grove to crush under my plastic flip flop.
@morose_delectation This seems like the right place to declare my seething HATRED for Joanna Newsom. Which was not so much a problem before I fell in love with a man who adores her with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. He'd kick me and his cat and his mother in the head to briefly press his lips to her lily white harpist hands.
In fact I didn't know how much I hated her till he took me to a concert and I wanted to claw myself out of my seat and run screaming down the aisle in front of all the fancy hipster celebrities and then we got into a huge fight that explored all our worst characteristics and I ruined his night of worship at the Joanna altar.
But I just. cannot. take. her. whole. thing. Her high squeaky voice. Her bullshit outfits and flower crowns braided into her long flowy blonde hair, her torturous lyrics that seem designed to prove to you that she knows the most renaissance words of everyone, her goddamn band mates who are all white nerd dudes named matt who just happen to have mastered some obscure fucking drum thing from some culture they traveled to in deepest [southern continent name here] from [indigenous peoples being eradicated by western capitalism name here] that they sincerely appreciate with a dedicated earnestness. And then the song itself is some 450 minutes long.
Here I picked a song and lyrics randomly:
"And as for my inflammatory writ?
Well, I wrote it and I was not inflamed one bit.
Advice from the master derailed that disaster;
He said "Hand that pen over to me, poetaster!"
ugh. gross. puke.
@meetapossum JESUS! SPOILER ALERT!
Prometheus: "The dog does not die because it is not real. It is a hologram."
@cattywampus It's restful too because once its on the list you are like, "ok weird bump, just you wait, you are totally going on trial in 4 months!".
And if you want to be hella proactive, figure out the names of the best specialist your insurance covers for all your issues, write them all down, and then if anything on the list has your doctor say, "yep that should get checked out, I'll refer you to derm" you can say, "will you refer me to Dr. Skinnyskin please?". By being proactive, you get your fears tackled. Caveat, only works if you like and trust your doctor.
@cattywampus maybe do what I do when I want to buy something a lot but I'm not sure if I'm going to like it later? Put it on your christmas list and see what happens.
Aka, write it down in a list for your annual check-up, and see what happens. If stuff gets worse you can always call. If not, you can bring up all the things you worry about when the doctor asks if you have questions and get answers. You may find a lot goes away on its own.
If you are a real stressball about it, see if you can do biannual checkups. Might be worth it.