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On Ask a ______

Dear Porcupine,

Why is every show I like cancelled right away, but Big Bang Theory is still on the air? That show is the fucking worst.

Here is a .gif of porcupine sex from Party Down, to get you in the mood to...I don't know, man, poke Steve Guttenberg in the balls. http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lg5zs9BnVe1qazinfo1_500.gif

Posted on March 28, 2011 at 12:49 pm 0

On How to Like Food

Ok, but what if you have a problem with something crazy, like, say, all raw fruit and most cooked fruit? And when you smell or taste or THINK ABOUT people eating them you get sort of this weird gross feeling like you sort of need a shower? And then you put them in your mouth because what the fuck, everyone likes fruit, and you're going to die of scurvy, and for chrissakes you want to be a fucking scientist this is so not ok - BUT as soon as you try to swallow you get this gag reflex? And that's just with apples, basically, because you're so repulsed by the idea of other fruits that you don't even like touching them?

.....

Look, I'm not saying I have a problem. Maybe YOU have the fucking problem, buddy.

.....

Please help.

Posted on March 24, 2011 at 2:28 pm 1

On Ten Men Weigh in on Body Hair

"If anyone enjoys giving Oral sex to another and picking pubic hair out of your mouth every 2 minutes then more power to you and by the way, your a pig. We’re in a different era where humans CAN shave properly and as well have great hygiene compared to the year 95 or lower where shaving wasn’t that common."

Those comments are truly absorbing. It's like being in a salon of the finest thinkers on the internet.

Posted on March 24, 2011 at 2:10 pm 0

On DIY Healthcare for Ladies

I once went to the hospital with a disturbing crotch-appearance, because, I don't know, I'm panicky and also didn't have an ObGyn at the time. The doc on duty went asexually down on me and said, "Have you been using garlic?!" I said yes, that I'd had a yeast infection until the day before. She roundly chastised me for giving in to anti-science and whatever. Given that I study neuroscience, and actually had researched the biological reactions involved in garlic-yeast infection interaction, I find this funny now, but at the time I was naked and cowed.

I'm pretty sure the lesson is, don't be an insane hypochondriac who walks a mile to the local hospital because your vagina is kind of doing a weird thing. I'm pretty sure. I could be wrong.

Posted on February 22, 2011 at 7:52 pm 0

On Computer Snooping, Virginity Losing, and STD Testing

It's funny, this is the second time Ask a Dude has directly responded to something I've been thinking about at time of publication. In this case, it's STD testing, except I already had sex with him once? A little drunk? And now that I think about it, I'm maturing and owning my own sexuality and everything, and I've been super-lucky not to have gotten an STD so far, given my number of partners. And who knows! Maybe I have a dormant one! Anyway, I want to have both of us get an STD test. Just in case.

So, I was just walking to the train this morning thinking, "How do I bring it up?" And thanks to A Dude, I now have decided to just bring it up. And if he's an asshole about it, I don't want him putting his dick in me anyway.

Thanks, A Dude. You are good for the soul.

Posted on February 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm 0

On Computer Snooping, Virginity Losing, and STD Testing

Me too!

...when I was like 9.

...high volume is nice right at the end.

Posted on February 22, 2011 at 2:34 pm 0

On How to Know If You've Been Raped

"Following an outcry from women's rights groups and [EVERY SINGLE PERSON WITH A SOUL YOU PIECES OF SHIT], House Republicans have removed the "forcible" to describe the rape exception..."

Fixed!

Posted on February 4, 2011 at 2:52 pm 0

On Anti-Suffrage Ad From 1915 Is Sad

Wouldn't it be nice to have a template like that? "Vote no on [women's rights/gay rights/civil rights] to protect society and the family! Christian nation! Jesus was a conservative! Fuck you, hippies!"

Posted on February 3, 2011 at 1:25 am 0

On Did You Ever Do Something

I went to see The Watchmen. But it wasn't for love, it was for a bag of popcorn, a dinner, and practice at awkward kiss-dodging.

Posted on February 2, 2011 at 5:02 pm 0

On The Best of Sexual Harassment Stock Photography

That was my thought too. Perhaps Dimitri Martin laughing at his own joke is supposed to be a less threatening abductor/rapist?

And, really, what good kidnapper uses masking tape, anyway? They need to reconsider this photo.

Posted on February 1, 2011 at 2:36 pm 0