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On Loneliness, Mistakes, and the Inner Questionnaire

to LW#5: I used to be an escort (prostitute) and I'm here to tell you that most men who see escorts are not creepy or gross. I was a high priced escort (200-300/hr) so obviously my clients tended to be engineers, doctors, lawyers, etc. Most of them were married, though about 1/4 were single. Only about 5% were what I would describe as creepy or having issues with intimacy. Most were just lonely and/or bored, stuck in a marriage they didn't like for various reasons (kids, finance), or they had a much stronger libido than their wife. The single guys I saw tended to be younger (20s-30s), often too busy with a high pressure job to meet girls, and they just wanted some easy, no-strings sex. Seeing an escort like me is a lot different than seeing a street prostitute. If your boyfriend actually saw a streetwalker for $40 a pop, then I'd be a little more worried. Those girls tend to be pretty nasty themselves. Seeing an escort is more like going on a date, and the girls tend to be classy, well dressed, and a lot of guys I saw spent more time talking than having sex.

That said, I would have a hard time dating a guy who had ever paid for sex, no matter who it was with. I could never comprehend, with my clients, how they could possibly enjoy sex when they knew I was only doing it for the money (I was a pretty good actress, and what I would say was, "I really like sex, the money is just an extra bonus", but who really believes that? I guess if they want to believe bad enough, they will). Someone who has paid for sex, whether it was with a classy escort or a streetwalker, is willing to objectify a woman, to separate the person from the sex act. I have had a wonderful boyfriend for 3 years and he could never pay for sex. I've only had one boyfriend who had seen a prostitute, and he was an abusive asshole, though I don't think the two things were related, other than the fact that he was willing to dehumanize women to get what he wanted.

But I wouldn't automatically rule out a guy just because he'd seen a prostitute/escort. I'd say that the younger, single guys I saw were sometimes the most objectifying -- since a younger, attractive guy can much more easily meet a girl at a bar or through friends, a young guy seeing an escort tends to be more sex-obsessed and much less interested in getting to know me as a person, whereas the older guys would treat me more like a real person, like they were on a date. The younger guys wanted to act out porn fantasies, not talk. They could find a date anywhere, what they wanted was crazy sex. The older guys were just appreciative that I was kind to them -- a 50 year old guy is not used to being smiled at by a pretty girl. The younger guys tended to be douchier, cause they're used to female attention and take it for granted. But every once in a while there would be a younger guy who seemed more lonely and sad, like he just wanted some human company. I have no idea what type your boyfriend is/was, but I would be wary of whether he sees women as things or as actual human beings.

Anyway, I can't really seem to come to a conclusion, other than that guys who see escorts aren't all creepy and gross -- you'd be surprised, you probably know a lot more of them than you realize.

Posted on February 23, 2013 at 4:23 am 10