LW5 here. Thank you, a dude, for taking the time to answer my letter. I really appreciate your input, and I'm SO grateful to have the chance to discuss it here with other 'pinners.
Also, you are a nice dude. Here, have a heart. <3
@joythemanatee Aw, thanks! I appreciate your comment. He did say that he told me that because he trusts me, and that it's not something he has told many people. I did appreciate that, and told him so.
@queenofbithynia I like this. Thank you. I do agree with @themegnapkin though. I can't say I really had a hard stance on prostitution before and that he violated it, rather that I had just never had cause to even THINK about what my stance was. Only a vague idea that 'creeps' go to prostitutes, and my boyfriend is not that, so I needed to do some thinking about what my stance actually is. We've been together for over two years now, and in that time he has never done anything that came even remotely close to a red flag. I was in therapy when we met and spent the first year of our relationship reporting things he'd said and done to my therapist and friends as a check in just in case I was missing anything (yeah, I was a bit paranoid after being in a shitty relationship) and he has never been anything other than a solid, caring human being. I recognize that one action amidst years of other behaviour CAN automatically make someone a creep, but also, sometimes not, and this is the only thing in all our time together he's ever told me that I wouldn't happily admit to a friend or family member. Which is why I tend to lean towards re-evaluating my 'stance' (or creating one) on prostitution, as opposed to re-evaluating my stance on dating him. I mean, I DID re-evaluate my stance on dating him, but it wasn't an automatic dealbreaker, that's all.
Sorry for how long winded this is. Yikes.
@Urwelt Hi. LW5 here. To be honest, the first prostitute visit was kind of like that...at the end of a drunk evening, my boyfriend went because the older guys he was with (who he looked up to) wanted to go and he felt a bit pressured to go along. He went a second time because the first time had been a good experience for him (his first positive sex experience) so when he was lonely later he was looking to recreate that first time.
@franceschances Wow. I am kind of shaking here, seeing my question. I am LW5.
To answer your questions: The first time, he made sure to choose a 'local' girl and chatted with her about why she was doing this work and so on. Apparently she was putting herself through school. As I recall, he knew the nationality of all the girls (there were three in total) and didn't think they were illegal, although I doubt they'd tell him if they were...
Anyway, it does seem like he was ethical. He talked about them and the experiences with respect, and said he's not entirely comfortable with his past actions but that he has to live with having done it and wouldn't do it again now. He did encourage me to ask any questions and wanted to know how I felt, he explained everything in detail that I asked. And yes, we've been tested but we use condoms every time anyway.
Not sure what else to say. I am nervous.