That shrink in Beverly Hills, you know the one.
I am seriously so tired of getting hit on by customers at work that I want to scream wordlessly at the top of my voice for minutes on end. No, you can't have my number. No, you can't touch me. No, I won't sneak around back with you and make out (what the actual fuck). I hate that this shit ruins my day, but it does.
@funfetti Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier, the same guy who wrote Cold Mountain. The movie sort of gave me the impression that his books would be like that Nicholas Sparks thing's only with more rifles and hoop skirts, but uhhh no. Thirteen Moons has possibly the best opening lines of any book I've read: ''There is no scatheless rapture. Love and time put me in this condition.''
I had a one night stand with this pulverisingly beautiful man a few years ago. He put his iTunes on shuffle and everything was cool for about half an hour, and then right as we were deep in that stage of sexing where it's all delicious and passionate and marked by really hot intense sustained eye contact fucking Eric Clapton's fucking Tears in Heaven came on. Recalling that event still makes me want to shrivel up and die.
I really hate to spoil everyone's day, but this reminded me of some dumb thing I saw on sex/dating website a while back: a list of sexy phrases to try out while engaging in naked bedtop wrestling with one's manfriend. One of them was "I want your big baby maker deep inside me!!!" (Exclamation points preserved.) Take a shot if reading that made your vagina shut down like an airlock.