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On That Baby Wants to Break You Up

@JBC and also @thebestjasmine and @Claire Zulkey@twitter

I feel like there's definitely some helpful, cultural information that we can grow. Info can be very important, and so can support. Teh babies they cry because they have such big brains, but also such outsized needs. They rely on their peeps for SO MUCH in the beginning.

We rely on each other so very much as a species, on our shared wisdom, knowledge and care. And that's stuff we can really cultivate.

I don't have kids, don't think I will, but I fall in to that category that would LOVE a kid/kids... it's just that I feel committed to a different path for my life. But I so get the joy that makes the difficulty worth it.

That said, I do feel like maybe some of that difficulty could be ameliorated somewhat, and also should be? Like, it's possibly no accident that ClaireZulkey felt better after putting this post out there? Because she could express herself, and probably know that she would be understood, and even embraced for it? Support is so so important. And we can all start to turn on each other when things get tough (I know for the camping/traveling analogy, I've.... not always been my best self in some of those moments. I have turned. on. my. fellow travelers/campers when things went awry. Not proud of it.)

I mean, it not usually a cushy ride the whole way thru life, and we can grow and learn a lot from difficulty, but otoh I feel like parenting has too often been wracked with a kind of drama and trauma that could (and if at all possible should) be minimized.

When I was growing up, my bf had a gay uncle and there were always a lot of supportive gay dudes around game for some "kid time". And now that gay folks are out and procreating (as opposed to doing so while in the closet), but other grown adults are being given the socially accepted option to not procreate, if they choose not to, it seems like we could create a bit more of an inclusiveness alternative so that it's socially acceptable to help your friends' kids grow up (and your friends with kids not go insane). Because I am an awesome aunt even though I am an only child... (but I haven't yet had the opportunity cause no friends with kids).

And for reals, that night-nurse thing should become a baby shower thing. People needs way less "stuff" for the baby (so I've heard) but sanity (and sleep) are good "things" to have...! Better than a new baby bouncer? (I'd take one used and opt for the sleep instead, I can tell you that much in a heartbeat!!)

I can say for dead certain that I wish that my parents were less screwed up by their parents, and had more support and knowledge when they had me, and that goes for the vast majority of the people I know... it's more like the exception that people had awesome parents who weren't totally screwed up and causing unnecessary trauma. I am jealous of those people and know for shure that if I ever did have kids (not tooootally out of the realm of posibility) that's definitely the kind of parent I'd like to be. And, healthy strong supportive adult romantic relationships are the best! But those kinds of relationships with your parents/kids are also the bestest (I would imagine... don't have that kind of relationship with my mom, though I love her of course).

Posted on January 22, 2013 at 10:54 pm 2