@Jocasta Carr You mispelled "8-legged cockroach sense".
Okay, this isn't exactly "waking up" but, rather sobering up? I had been out drinking (heavily) after a (horrific) break up, and returned home to my (hellishly cold, spider infested) Chicago coachhouse where I lived (newly) alone. I washed my face, dried it with a hand towel, and turned my face to the left and examined my right eyebrow in mirror, then, turned my face to the right, to reveal the left side of my face in the mirror and A HUGE SPIDER THAT HAD BEEN THERE FOR THE AMOUNT OF TIME I HAD BEEN EXAMINING THE OTHER SIDE OF MY FACE! I actually punched myself in the face, so hard I saw stars (and gave myself a black eye), ran into the bedroom, jumped on the bed and tore off my shirt while screaming and battering myself about the head and neck. No joke. I slept in the (upstairs) living room until my black eye healed. And yes, it did sober me up...
You know what else they've left out? The addition of a completely unnecessary "the" to specific types of stores - mostly of a grocery variety. This is a Chicago thing - NO ONE goes to "Jewel" only to THE jewel. I now also go to THE target, THE Dominicks, etc. When I'm at my mom's house I also go to THE Kroger - and my mother never fails to be confused.
The best "Hey Brother" is "Sister's my new mother, Mother!"
@MmeLibrarian Thanks for the recommendation! Also, does anyone think that it would be funny if I wrote a fake "What to expect when you're expecting expecting" and submitted it?
@RK Fire That is not the book title, I don't think, but it is something equally stupid and insipid. I also read this great book called "Why have kids" at the same time and it made "Expect" all the more horrifying.
@hallelujah THANK YOU. Now I can feel justified in getting rid of it. Sadly, I have a Kindle version so cannot
"slogging through “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”" LOOK. I am not pregnant. However, I soon hope to be. And I am TRYING to read the "prequel" to this piece of junk that is entitled something insane like "What to Expect when you're Expecting to Expect" and it is RIDICULOUS. Also very, very weight-shamey? I don't even have a baby but I wish someone would buy me a present for reading this tripe.
@cosmia I totally agree with you. I REALLY want children and these stories are horrifying. I constantly see this type of behavior in restaurants, etc. and it frightens me, both b/c I want children very soon and b/c a lot of my friends have very young (babies) children, so I worry who is going to raise the devils exhibited above...
@cosmia That made me lol diet coke everywhere and now I just want to yell "A MAN CAN GET IT" very loudly.