On Scenes From My Recent Cruise
My mom, sister and I went on a cruise and the best/weirdest part was sitting at our "table" with a very wealthy pair of Mexican ladies, who were mother and daughter, and both named Yvonne. Yvonne and Yvonne were always giving us CRAZY rich mexican lady fashion tips (like sprinting around the pool and telling me to ABSOLUTELY NOT wear my sunglasses while laying there because I would get TAN LINES ON MY FACE! THE HORROR! And putting lipstick on us and stuff. They tried to get my mom to buy some horrific dress in the ship's crazy clothing store.)
My poor sister (strawberry blonde w/ freckles) got sun poisoning like, the 3rd day of a 14 day cruise, and we literally had to cover her with towels if she wanted to step outside. So she and I took the same "wine appreciation" class every day in the afternoon for like, 10 days. The sommilier finally just started putting us in the corner and giving us "advanced" wines and materials, like we were special. (even though I was 21 and she was like, 17)
OH - and at the breakfast buffet thing - there was an omlette station (my sister's favorite)and on the last day of the cruise, as we were approaching, I think San Juan, she comes back to the table all sad, and we're like what's wrong? And she's like "No omlettes today. They said they can't make omlettes now BECAUSE WE AREN'T IN INTERNATIONAL WATERS ANYMORE WE'RE IN US WATERS AND OUR EGG CODES AREN'T US EGG CODES." And we were like WHAT WE'VE BEEN EATING INTERNATIONAL WATERS OMLETTES THIS WHOLE TIME! Which...probably not that big a deal but at the time it was hilarious.
Also they ran out of limes on like day 6 (the only cocktail I really liked at 21 was gin and tonics) and so I drank gin and tonics w/ lemons, which, gross.
AND, finally, when we went back, I went from San Juan, to Miami, to Columbus, OH to Indianapolis and then to Rhinelander, WI to go to a friend's lake house - in like - 18 hours. It was nuts. The pictures from that new year's are hilarious b/c I'm ALL OF THE SUNBURN and everyone else is like, regular upper mid-west pale.
This comment is so long! But cruises are great b/c they're so "wacky".
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On Scarlet Letters of Endearment
@hideously Right? I mean, the town is just named Jupiter? As weird as this tale is, I wouldn't be all that surprised if she was just an alien!
Also "I don't give an [expletive]" is now my favorite saying.
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On Bridal Beauty: Five Things to Do to Your Face
@ms. alex My dress is both poofy AND understated...but i really wanted some poof!
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On Toxic Dating, "Abominable" Sisters, and the French Manicure
@Woman Laughing Alone With Boas Love you for this "He does these things because there is something broken inside that only he himself, with the help of a professional, can fix." And it needs to be said.
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On Why Do We Still Live Here, in This Repulsive Town?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm sure it was actually done out of some misplaced "helping" tendency. But, exactly, GAH breakups.
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On Why Do We Still Live Here, in This Repulsive Town?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I KNOW RIGHT?????????????????? Also, she was like 3 miles away when he would do this. I would literally be like JUST GO UP THERE ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?
Full disclosure: I am not dead and I am friendly-ish with said ex. He is not LITERALLY the devil.
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On Why Do We Still Live Here, in This Repulsive Town?
Also, Interpol. All of it. All the time. Most of it is pretty nonsensical but you can make it mean WHATEVER YOU WANT. I am also all over this thread. Apparently I am full of break up song opinions.
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On Why Do We Still Live Here, in This Repulsive Town?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher We are the same person. The ex-was living the extra bedroom after the break up and I probably played "Paper Thin Walls" 5,000 times WHILE I COULD HEAR HIM HAVING PHONE SEX WITH HIS NEW LADY FRIEND NO JOKE. I am still mad about that.
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On Why Do We Still Live Here, in This Repulsive Town?
@alpelican IF you really feel like getting down (or up? unclear?) go listen to the PS85 kids choir do that song. HEART. BREAKING. BEAUTIFUL.
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On Friday Bargain Bin: What to Do With Your Allowance This Week
@aphrabean I find the taxi drivers worse than the buses (stick to the LEFT SIDE of a bus whilst passing it - so it can pull to the right for its stops). But mostly: yelling is how I have kept from being hit by a car. I have a very loud voice though.