On I Don't Care, I Can't Stop, and I Love It: Miley Cyrus and Ironic Decadence

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

In all fairness to Macklemore, this song exists: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INNCxVpGpyU

Posted on September 6, 2013 at 4:20 pm 0

On The First Holiday Negotiating In-Law (or Almost-In-Law) Needs and Wants


This will be the second set of holidays with my BF. Sorry for the long explanation, but it's kind of relevant, I hope.

@fondue with cheddar, both BF and I have divorced parents, which actually is one of the reasons our relationship works. It's very symmetrical:

My mom
His mom & (special needs) older brother

My dad & stepmom (she has a son, his wife, and now their son, but we're not close)
His dad, stepmom, and two middle-school-age half-sibs

And my college-age sister :]

All are within about an hour's drive of where we live, which is cool but also makes things tricky. His family's got a pretty solid rhythm as far as which holidays "belong" to which family, while mine has pretty much split the DAYS because we live so close. Thanksgiving he'll be with his dad's fam, who live furthest away, and I'll do two-dinners-in-one-day with my sister like always.

CHRISTMAS IS THE PROBLEM. My BF's mom is Italian, do-the-feast-of-the-million-fishes Italian, and the whole day of Christmas Eve and midnight Mass (yep, we're almost all Catholic, which, like the divorce sitch, helps-hurts) are sacrosanct. Last year we did:

1. Christmas Eve day: me with my mom & sis, him at his mom's
2. Christmas Eve evening: me & him at his mom's and midnight Mass at their church
3. Drive to my own bed to sleep, even though his mom kindly offered to let me stay
4. Christmas morning: He pickes me up and we drive 45 minutes to 10:00 am Mass at my dad's/stepmom's/grandma's church, then "brunch" at (90-year-old) grandma & (95-year-old) grandad's with dad, stepmom, sister (NO ONE was going to do Christmas with the grand-rents, which is just wrong when you have 8 aunts and uncles and 12 cousins, most in driving distance...)
5. Plan was to swing by my mom's Christmas afternoon w/ the boy, but things had wound down by then, so we went home, BF went to Christmas Day at HIS aunt/uncle's
6. Ended the day exchanging presents at his house and being all lovely. THAT was nice. :]

This year, I have no idea what to do, only that last year didn't quite work and that I'd like to get my mom in the mix (she really likes BF) without slighting HIS mom. He mentioned last night the thought of "not going anywhere," which sounds lovely, but I'm not sure it'll work. We should be talking about it soon.

I'm really glad we've both got experience splitting things up with relatives. My hope is we've got it figured out by the time we get married (it's looking likely but we've got at least another winter before that happens).

Anyhow...I guess I'm posting to (1) Give hope to y'all four-different-parent-households folks (the cool thing is our hypothetical kids will have 6 grandparents!) and (2) ask for advice. Especially from peeps with Italian mothers or MIL or almost MIL.

Posted on November 20, 2012 at 1:14 pm 1