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On Sestina About Hangovers For a 25-Year-Old From a Person Over 40

My hangovers were SO MUCH WORSE when I was in my teens/20s (as opposed to now, my 30s) because I would drink five times as much, and would drink awful awful things like Zima and Bacardi 151. I don't know anyone my age (who isn't an alcoholic) who should ever be as hungover as a really young person who's an enthusiastic partier/binge drinker.

Posted on January 2, 2014 at 10:59 pm 0

On A Thing You Should Probably Read If You Use the NuvaRing

I read about this blot clot issue about a year and a half ago, and freaked out. I literally got up from my desk at work and pulled the thing out. Annnnd... Now I have a five month old baby. True story.

Posted on December 12, 2013 at 4:04 pm 2

On The Popularity Pie

Sports. Cruises. Dog ownership.

Posted on September 27, 2013 at 12:57 pm 2

On One Weird Trick to Control Your Boyfriend's Mind (the Trick Is Pouring Juice in His Dickhole)

It would be so easy to trick a guy into staying in this position if you just told him something sexy and awesome was going to happen at the end of the 15 minutes. Then when the time was up it wouldn't matter that nothing did because he'd be mind controlled! You could just be like, forget what I said about the sexy thing and go fold my laundry.

Posted on September 13, 2013 at 4:29 pm 9

On Remembering Lilith: Fiona Apple

Love this. And now that I think about it, I am glad that I got into Fiona in the post-angst part of my life instead of when Tidal came out (I think I was 14 at the time). Tori Amos has been ruined for me because of angst association, I can't hear those songs without a flood of self loathing and awkward jr high memories, but Fiona... Fiona is pure and wonderful and brilliant because I wasn't super into her until late college.

Posted on August 20, 2013 at 6:13 pm 1

On Ask a Glutton: Your Perfect Dinner Party

I've lived in Brooklyn for ten years, and grilling is a VERY big part of my summertime eating situation. My friends have rooftops, yards, mini-grills to bring to the park. You can have it all! Also, a million times yes to this watermelon feta salad. So good.

Posted on July 1, 2013 at 11:30 pm 0

On How to Enter Parties

I could not love this more.

Posted on June 18, 2013 at 12:25 pm 3

On Cronuts Are Like Donuts Only You Wait in Line For Them

I'm pregnant and had a dream last night where I was waiting in line for a Cronut. Unfortunately my laziness far exceeds my gluttony, so there's really not a question as to whether i'm going to Soho at the crack of dawn to get one of these things. I do hope for additional, even more realistic Cronut dreams tonight though.

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 11:38 am 0

On Excerpts from Vanilla Ice’s Wikipedia Page, Offered Without Comment

@robotosaur He should have followed that one up with a song called "Where the Wallaroo At?"

Posted on April 29, 2013 at 3:36 pm 7

On On Subcultures

This sort of lines up with some of the best advice I was ever given, which was when a bouncer at a bar told me "Don't ever make fun of people for the way they dance, everyone's just trying to have a good time." Of course he told me this because I was making fun of someone at the time, but I haven't done it since.

Still working on accepting the fact that my husband is a former Phishhead. Baby steps...

Posted on April 29, 2013 at 12:50 pm 11