One night I was laying in bed with this guy that I knew wasn't good enough for me in many ways, but being with anybody was more important. We're both naked, and he's laying there telling me about this friend he has, who is a girl, who keeps telling him he can do so much better. I stop, and I say, wait, why are you telling me this? You mean, I'm not good enough? And he quickly back peddled and claimed something different. I had a guy once blame his issues with ED on my stomach.
I'm not fat adjacent, and I still have people who can make me feel so horrible about myself. I don't know how to stop it. I've been through the transformation, I dropped from 220 lbs to 150 at my lowest. I constantly fluctuate between 150-170 lbs. I am hyper aware of how people treat me differently with just a matter of 20 lbs.
I can't let any of it go, I don't know how. Thank you for writing this.