This is one of the best things I've read on the Hairpin, ever. Maya, I feel like I know you. Your story parallels my life to a T: Christian, waiting til marriage out of respect for my body and my future husband, despairing of ever finding someone okay with my decision, dance floor makeouts to alleviate some frustration--right up to the blacked out rape as a virgin. Mine, however, was a little grayer than yours, and he was an acquaintance, and I felt an incredible burden for having made it seem like I wanted it. Hearing that you have maintained your virginity after this horrible trauma makes me sad, proud, and inspired all at once; I wish I could have done the same instead of giving up on it. Reading your story gives me hope that I'll eventually work through all the complicated feelings that I still have about sex, sexuality, religion, and trust. Until then, I wish you all the best and I hope you continue to heal; know that you have helped one girl heal a little bit herself.