Lady Writer #3: Sexy, cute, and hot does not equal symmetry, for everyone! Sexy is in the brain of the beholder! Just to gently wedge a little doubt into your conviction that you are unattractive, I will truly honestly say on my planet, Planet Joey, what gives a frisson: a glance, passion about stuff, a kind of smile, compassion, a certain gesture, the timbre of the voice and the scent of his or her neck as you go in for a kiss and linger. Little things like that snag my attention and attraction. Characteristics that one may think of as flaws can be so hot: a snaggle tooth, crazy eyebrows... not everyone wants the model type of symmetrical beauty.
Something that you don't even know about yourself may be devastatingly hot to someone. Potato? Frying pan? Hon, I just know you are adorable.
@coraincharge Oh I am enraged just reading this. At first she sounded just awful but then the whole POURING MILK OUT?? That's some crazy effed up sh!t right there. Sending you empathy.
@coraincharge OMG this needs to be its own article or Ask a... submission! I hate the sound of this MIL and send this if you think it will help, I fear though, that her response would be something like, "well gosh I never heard such a....I never had any problems you just...yadda yadda..." What works with MILs like this? What kinds of things does she say to you/how does she say it? I have a vivid imagination but I could be imagining wrong. Once piece of advice I read once: if someone is saying or asking anything inappropriate, you gaze at them silently and then ask, seriously, "why ON EARTH would you say that/ask me that?" If can stop people in their tracks. Sometimes when people act in annoying ways, we just kind of go along with it or give subtle hints that we don't care for that...but it just goes whoosh over their heads.
@OlivettiValentine You are wicked smart. I think you should write a book, I needed it several years ago. So, time machine, too?
Love, love, love this. Thank you for writing so honestly about being a new parent. I have a tween now. In some ways things seem even harder now and I quake at the thought of teenage years. Quake. Truth: I often pick up my little dog and feel so grateful for her silent and abiding sweetness, her cheer, and general dearness. And I am one of the moms out there who is crazy loving being a mom and who loves her child so much I'd die for her just like that if need be, wouldn't even hesitate. So yeah, thanks for your honesty and gosh I wish I could offer to babysit! I thought I was the only one who went to church in desperation: "they'll watch the child for an hour, oh, bliss!"
Hezekiah Goode was caught using facebook and look what happened to her!
Shouldn't there be a facebook game where one can find out one's Puritan name? Answer all the questions, wait, and voila: Mehitable Burthen Springs!
@Joey Oh! Just one more: if the little kid has toy food and a play kitchen, have him or her cook for you and act all mature and really appreciate what he cooks and brings you. Example: Me: you know what I really want? A cup of tea. Child brings me fake tea. Me: blowing on it (kids love when you act as though things are hot) sipping slowly, sighing in relief, oh, that's REALLY good tea. Thank you so much.
Prepare for repeat, repeat, repeat and if the child cooks for you? Don't go chomp, chomp when you are fake eating, really act as though you are taking bites and savoring it, the look on their faces is priceless, especially when they dreamily, unintentionally chew along with you and look so proud!
@Decca literally laughing out loud!
Love this! Here's another one, it is a sure crowd (of toddlers) pleaser: 1. put hat on head, and as seen in above example practically any thing can be a hat 2. Sneeze (fake sneeze dramatically) 3. hat falls off in your lap 4. put hat back on your head after saying uh oh or looking shocked 5. repeat, repeat, repeat...!