By chnellociraptor on Stories Like Passwords

@sdguy A relationship doesn't have to be non-consensual to be abusive, for one party to take advantage of the other, to create long-term emotional damage, etc etc. The author shared her own very personal story, about a professor who initiated an inappropriate with his student (many times, apparently) and who made forceful advances on her when she was intoxicated. If you have no sympathy for her based on your own experience, I guess that's fine for you; but you are not the author and you're not qualified to invalidate HER experience, just as she would have no business assuming you're a victim without knowing yours. You're being rude and dismissive.

Male victims of abuse are indisputably under-represented in narratives about rape, abuse, and harassment, but a) a woman sharing her story of abuse (whether or not you think it qualifies) does not delegitimize the stories of male abuse victims, and b) the author is very literally talking about a group of specific men. She shared a story with other women in her field, and they all shared stories about men who abused them. It's not a sweeping statement, that men are always the abusers and women are always the victims. It's an extremely literal 'they'. And even if it wasn't, there doesn't need be a "not all men" disclaimer if we're talking about abusers -- of both men and women!

For someone who is supposedly sticking up for abuse victims, your nit-picking over what constitutes rape or abuse or harassment makes me think you're a terribly poor ally for a man who has been abused, considering how many men and boys do try to speak about their experiences and are totally dismissed.

Posted on October 7, 2014 at 12:10 pm 6

By tofuswalkman on Stories Like Passwords

i'd like to comment with something aside from feeding the trolls, so thank you for this. it was beautifully written, and insightful.

Posted on October 7, 2014 at 10:00 am 4

By Dizzy on The Playground Gourmet

These are wonderful and may I point you toward the pioneering work they've done in the field of "Guys With Fancy Lady Hair"? http://www.thebolditalic.com/articles/3547-guys-with-fancy-lady-hair

Posted on September 10, 2014 at 1:45 pm 1

By mymymyriah on Dude Text Decoded

@tofuswalkman Basically this. Saw headline, expected funny and maybe even insightful, but...wah-wah.

Posted on August 19, 2014 at 3:34 pm 4

By tofuswalkman on Dude Text Decoded

maybe this kind of gender essentialist post would not be so boring to me if it were funnier or more clever or interesting. i hate to be harsh, but no thx.

Posted on August 19, 2014 at 3:14 pm 8

By disco_clone on This Is The Day Before 40

Rhythm Has Your Two Hips Moving. There!

Posted on July 21, 2014 at 1:51 pm 4

By commanderbanana on You Are, Was, and Always Will Be Pussy Control

I always thought it was weird that dress codes were framed in the context of "girls distracting boys" rather than "this is a quasi-professional environment, or at least a structured one, dress accordingly."

Or to quote my favorite character from my favorite movie, "Please cover your bosoms, Miss Shane. This is a learning institute, not a brothel!"

Posted on June 18, 2014 at 4:00 pm 2

By Mashenka on Too Emotional, Too Sensitive, Too Much

I think it's interesting to think of the "muchness" manifesting itself the physical body too - as in women feeling the need to make themselves physically smaller, to take up less space and therefore have less physical "muchness".

Posted on June 5, 2014 at 12:13 am 2

By rabbitrabbit on Being Maleficent

I will be curious to read your memoir about being raised evangelical, because my first thought about this piece (ripe with references to bible study, girls in skirts, the 16-person baby-carrying van, etc.) was that its focus on an extreme good/evil binary and themes of sin and absolution is pretty biblical! Not sure the answer to allowing women to experience the 'full range of their emotions' is to equate female violence w/male violence, or that downplaying the influence of domestic violence/trauma is the same thing as recognizing female autonomy. Also disagree that society 'refuses to let women have a dark side'; see Eve, the Salem Witch Trials, Fatal Attraction, etc., etc.

Posted on May 15, 2014 at 7:19 pm 2

By chrysopoeia on Dear Shailene Woodley

@Lisa Frank Taking a dickshaw home.

Posted on May 7, 2014 at 2:45 pm 1