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By Lucienne on Your Friday Book-y Post

I finally got my hands of a copy of The Dud Avocado (I am a "borrow it from the library first" kind of person because I'm broke and otherwise the books just PILE UP, but my libraries never seem to have this book). I AM SO EXCITED. I can't wait to finish my papers and dive into it.

Posted on May 3, 2013 at 3:21 pm 2

By Oopsensdasies! on Things Eva Braun’s Best Friend Said When Hitler First Asked Her Out (Plus One Thing Eva Braun’s Best Friend Said After She Started Dating Hitler)

So this is my username now (I've only ever commented twice before, so not a major change)

Posted on April 1, 2013 at 7:30 pm 10

By martinipie on Things Eva Braun’s Best Friend Said When Hitler First Asked Her Out (Plus One Thing Eva Braun’s Best Friend Said After She Started Dating Hitler)

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose Totally heard Christoph Waltz-as-Hans Landa reading that + the corresponding facial expression and cracked myself up

Posted on April 1, 2013 at 5:52 pm 4

By antilamentation on Selective Empathy and "An Outlet for Maternal Feelings"

LW1:

"It's on me for continuing to hang out with some of these guys, I know,"

Yes. It is.

"but I like to be around people who are good at what they want to do, even if they don't always have the most sterling marital rules or whatever."

You have awful taste in people to hang out with. It sounds like you're surrounding yourself with assholes just looking for a chance to cheat. This type of sampling will by no means give you a good sense of what a happy, healthy marriage can be like. So in answer to your next question:

"And should they, even? Marriage is stupid, right?"

Only if the people in the marriage play it as a farce. As with everything else in life, marriage is what you make of it. You seem to want to adopt this selectively cynical veneer (a cynical sneer?) so you can make whoopee with the married guys and not actually have to think about how they're hurting their wives and perhaps their kids in the process. Think about it though. Do you want a hand in that?

You like being around people who are good at what they do, right? But none of these guys are good at being husbands. If you were around married people who understood how to nurture loving, committed relationships that would be a different story.

For that matter, the people you surround yourself with are shitty at being friends. Because good married friends don't try to hit on single friends, thus sucking them into acts of deception, and possibly the disintegration of a marriage.

"It's all just a mess."

It is a mess. So now's a good time to stop and ask yourself: "What am I doing that contributes to my being in these messes?" Clue: look at the first bit of your letter which I quoted above.

"Am I being a lazy, reductive jerk?"

Yes.

So stop it. Instead of being selectively cynical, and surrounding yourself with horrible men, how about you work on developing more friendships with a wider base of people - women as well as men. Take the time you normally spend with these toxic creeps, and spend it on following up on the activities you enjoy which YOU do well, or want to learn how to do well. Eg: if it's cooking, take some cooking classes, and meet other people who want to improve their skills. If it's rock climbing, join a club. The idea is not to immediately set out to find the type of guy you're interested in, as you seem to be very locked into that idea. But to meet and make new friends who don't have to fit your romantic criteria because it's about the friendships for now.

Friends may later introduce you to possible new boyfriends. But even if they don't, you'll have learned new skills. And good friendships are worth a huge amount. When I started dating again after I got divorced, I came to a point where I realised that I had all this love and support from my friends that I was already in a good place in my life. If I met a new partner, then great. But even if I didn't, my life was already filled with good, kind, caring people. That is a great basis to then tackle the risky process of trying to find a new partner, because from that position I can only add to the wealth of loving relationships in my life. There is no need to be cynical, or to get involved in the drama and the demise of other people's marriages. That is a lose-lose proposition, and will only hurt you and others. Stop it. Try something different instead.

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 1:41 pm 22

By evil melis on A Christmas Story

wait this is better

CHRISTMASPASTA

Posted on December 20, 2012 at 12:14 pm 8

By almighty jugs on Let's Talk About the New "Star Trek Into Darkness" Trailer

I love Karl Urban more than life itself but I liked his hair better in the first movie :,(

Also my TOS-marinated brain really wants to believe the whole Gary Mitchell/Elizabeth Dehner angle. I mean, LOOK AT HER HAIRCUT: http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Dehner

Posted on December 18, 2012 at 10:59 am 2

By SarahP on Wassail, Wassail

When I see or hear the word "wassail" I think of a Muppet Family Christmas and MY HEART IS WARM.

But I'm not a big fan of sweet drinks so real-life wassail would probably disappoint me.

Posted on December 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm 1

By yeah-elle on Two Things About Masculinity That We Could Discuss

Now these are both interesting to read, and I'm certainly for nurturing broad and varied forms of masculinity...but every time I read something about how humiliation is crippling to men, I think of this Margaret Atwood tidbit I read: Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, “They are afraid women will laugh at them.” When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, “We’re afraid of being killed."

That doesn't make their humiliation less valid, and I think it's worth considering why humiliation is so devastating to masculinity. And yet...I can't think of one without the other.

Posted on November 29, 2012 at 12:01 pm 36

By HydrogenJukebox on The Reichenbach Fall-owers

@The Attic Wife (Just gonna sit here and thumbs-up everything to do with everything in this thread. Don't mind me.)

Posted on November 26, 2012 at 5:20 pm 3

By julnyes on The Reichenbach Fall-owers

@The Attic Wife I have been unable to rewatch "The Reichenbach Fall" because Martin Freeman repeatedly breaks my heart in that episode and I can't handle it.

Posted on November 26, 2012 at 2:05 pm 5