BRB, starting a petition to recast Richard Ayoade as Bilbo.
By bowtiesarecool on The Busyness
You know, on the one hand, rock on with your chilling-out self, dude. On the other, I don't know, Idon't think most people really WANT to be frantically busy and never see their friends? The only thing that I guess I really HAVE to do is show up at the time and soul-sucking job to pay the rent and keep things clean enough to keep the anxiety at bay, but I also have grad school...and a bunch of professional obligations outside of work...and a boyfriend...
I guess I could skip those things, and a lot of times they feel like more of an duty than a pleasure (well, not the boyfriend). But it is REALLY REALLY HARD to be in a place (hi DC! and probably New York!) where it is extremely likely that the thought "but EVERYONE ELSE is a lawyer and a Rhodes Scholar!" will pass through your brain. I live in the most overqualified freaking city in the country and my company's executive assistant has a master's degree. Taking time off from the rat race, from racking up more networking and development and mastery of my field, seems absolutely dangerous and terrifying. There are lots of people who are smarter than me, and harder workers, and ready to take my tenuous little hold on a middle-class life. I can and will be left behind. And I think that most generally bright people who move to competitive cities feel that way. Not everyone wants to cut out and have an exciting little free-spirited startup/freelance life or move away and hope to find something stable elsewhere (hi, economically depressed hometown!).
I know I'll get flack for it, but I don't think it's fair to blame individual people for this. Yeah, some people are happy being masochists, but I think a lot of people are driven by a legitimate fear of what could happen to them/their families. And I think a lot of companies take advantage of that.
So yeah, I'm that chick who has to schedule happy hours with friends weeks in advance. And it sucks and I'm sorry. The whole thing just blows.
@Megano! AGREED. If anything, the description has put me ON fingernails.
@the little c - "Too much"? I don't understand that phrase in this context.
@redheaded&crazie Blaarf. I went on a date with a dude before who told me "we're both solid 8's." I have no idea how he knew my shoe size. He must have a good eye.
@quickdrawkiddo SERIOUSLY. If you do not like that flavour of skittle, leave it in the bowl for somebody who does! Without comment please.
LW4: It's guilt! GUILT and SELF LOATHING. These are sticky emotions! Maybe you feel guilty about cheating on him and fucking with him for 6 months. Maybe always being around him and new lady and them being happy made you realize how much you fucked shit up, and you hate yourself for that. The problem with guilt and self loathing are that it's easy to turn them into anger at OTHER people, when really, you're angry at yourself.
Best remedy: Forgive yourself (try a mantra like: "I fucked up, and this is just how it is now. I can't change it, but I can be better for it.") and then stop trying to force contact with these people. They are not your people, and it is not your life anymore.
Also, just because they live in the same building doesn't mean you have to see them. Does this building have no walls? Is it one big room? Is everyone in the hall all the time? Come on, now. You know you've been trying to run into them to feed your hanger (hate+anger). Stop it. Admit that you're trying to destroy yourself and them, then forgive yourself for doing that for so long, then move on.
@tales I really disliked his critique in general. "Women! Be STRONGER! Why can't you overcome a lifetime of social conditioning and your innate human nature which desires to belong to a group and stop complaining, gawd! Listen to me, a dude, who has never felt these pressures as intensely as women do, so I am in a position to criticize and condescend."
He just comes off as really patronizing with his faux-enlightenment. "They walk into the jail themselves." It's called the bird cage, and it says that you can't just walk out because it crushes you from all sides. Each little demand of society, each little insinuation, is a bar. It's so easy to say "just walk away" if you only consider one bar and not the fact that they're all around. It's like a movie where if you do walk out, as soon as you open the door the room you walked into looks like the one you just left. Some people do escape! But that room is still there, waiting for you. Maybe it's something the author needed to hear, but ugh.