@TheBelleWitch I don't want to get married, but I do want a committed, long term relationship with my Person. My reasons for not being married are as follows:
1. I come from an evangelical Christian background, and while I got out of that almost 10 years ago now, there are a lot of associations with marriage that I still have - and they turn my stomach. Man = head of household, relatit things that most people think about marriage (and neither do I), but my personal associations make it extremely distasteful.
2. Most of my family would associate that list of things with being married, and they aren't things I care to have them think of me.
3. My identity as an individual is extremely important to me, and the "2 become 1" thing of marriage compromises that.
4. My relationship is between myself and my Person. If your marriage is religious, it's supposed to be between you two and God; if your marriage is secular, it's supposed to be between you two and the State. Why would I include a God I don't believe in or a State I don't trust in my relationship?
5. I hate when people play the "tradition" card. Marriage is a *bad* tradition! It was traditionally a bill of sale, not a pact between equals! Fuck tradition, especially in the case of something as individualized as love and relationships.
6. I hate love-as-an-obligation. That is why I never want to have babies, and that is why I kinda throw up in my mouth a little when the Dude up yonder says "What I've found since is that being married makes the obstacles to separating higher than the obstacles to staying together."
@Lorelei@twitter "I am not "keeping my options open," I am defining what commitment means to me, in my life, on my own terms."
That is the best way of responding, high five high five high five.
Further response to any letter-writer who says that you love your Person and want to be with them forever, and they feel the same but don't want to get married: if marriage matters more to you than *actually being with* your Person, it seems to me that you maybe don't love them as much as you think you do.
@deepomega I think the point of putting that stuff online is not to point oneself out as fantastically unusual, but to share it with other people who find it interesting. Which is not the author, but also doesn't really merit the author's scorn?
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood HA!
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Yup! What I dislike is the practice of listing things that people like in order to identify a group. Why not just say, "middle-class neoliberal college-educated yuppie assholes" instead of condemning a bunch of people who like stuff and also the people who like the people who like stuff because they also like it?
@Emby I will like all of the stuff.
I wish people would stop deploring other people based on lists of things they like. He has a point about Listening Being A Thing We All Should Do More, but please? It is okay to like stuff! It is not okay to be a dick to people exclusively because they like stuff!
@Theda Baranowski also why does it matter if they're cops as opposed to, you know, non-cop people?
@Hurricanoes you'll notice both my statements happened after a colon preceded by "I feel". FEELINGS. I hear they're subjective or whatever.
@wee_ramekin that is precisely the feeling.
We used to sell armies of the Solar Queens at my Place of Work. I was always tempted to create terrifying model-scale cloning-disaster-apocalypse merchandising schemes.
I just wanted to pipe up (after not-posting several comments) that several commenters have defined exactly what I feel: both "you're not a virgin, honey, and to say so kinda devalues the sex of other people" and simultaneously feeling bad about labeling someone else's sexual experience. This isn't a simple issue. Discussion is healthy.
And Scarlet, regardless of whether or not you are a virgin (or care about it in terms of identity, or should), you're awesome.