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On Crushes on Professors and "How Can I Tell If I'm Boring?"

@thiscallsforsoap Blergh. I briefly dated a Wellesley prof - I was an adult with no other connection to that college. I got major creeper vibes from him, so I ended it after a short while. I heard from him again recently: he messaged me on Facebook to suggest getting together soon - the same day he and his new wife posted news that they're expecting a little one. I still shudder when I think about that message. And I wasn't the least bit surprised by it. *retch*

Posted on November 12, 2012 at 12:56 am 0

On Scientology and Me: Part One, Growing Up in the Church

@UsePatienceEffectivesNOTPsychDrugsWithChildren -- Your comment here is a perfect example of the kind of self-righteous, oblivious, condescending nastiness that helped inspire me to re-examine Scientology in the first place. I imagine it also does a tidy job of scaring off potential new recruits, so please keep it up!

"if you are the winning type of personality, you won't feel uncomfortable." <--- HAHAHA. This is a great example of the kind of thinking that keeps Scientologists oblivious. This, and telling themselves that anyone who criticizes the group "has an agenda." They refuse to consider the possibility that maybe, JUST MAYBE, there's a REASON a large swath of the human population has a problem with them.

As I mentioned above, in a different context, there are plenty of Scientologists who are NOT self-righteous, condescending jerks, but the ones who ARE function as giant, flapping red flags to outsiders.

Posted on November 12, 2012 at 12:26 am 2

On Scientology and Me: Part One, Growing Up in the Church

@Stella Forstner -- Hola! I'm also an unofficial former Scientologist, and I'm looking forward to reading your future installments! I say "unofficial" because I had to quietly distance myself so as not to incur their wrath. I also have family who are still active, and I don't want them to abandon me. I was introduced to it when I was an impressionable preteen, and I went so far as to join the Sea Org briefly. Thank you for showing that we're not all a bunch of wahckadoo crazies. There are actually a lot of incredibly hard-working, well-meaning, warm-hearted people in the "church" of Scientology, and as far as I'm concerned, their good intentions are being exploited in a terrible manner - I wish I knew of a way to help them see the light.

Posted on November 12, 2012 at 12:16 am 0

On "Tens," Office Racism, and a Molehill

@Mr. Kitty & @nervousrbot You might want to look into Lundy Bancroft's writing, if you haven't already. He also runs retreats during the year for survivors of domestic abuse. These were an important part of my healing process, so I wanted to share.

Posted on June 30, 2012 at 7:18 pm 0

On "Tens," Office Racism, and a Molehill

@Mr. Kitty Virtual hugs and huge props to you for ending your abusive relationship. I'm a fellow survivor, and my alarm bells were also going off while reading her letter.

And I'll second what @nervousrobot said.

It's so easy for someone looking in from the outside to minimize/rationalize that kind of behavior, but those of us who have experienced it and know that this is how abuse often starts can't help but jump up and down and wave our arms in an attempt to spare someone else that misery. Here's hoping the LW heeds our warning.

Posted on June 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm 0

On "Tens," Office Racism, and a Molehill

@Sister Administrator Yes, totally. I've had the same experience. In a way, I wish I hadn't, because now the bar is set so much higher, lol. I've also read that men with higher levels of testosterone have a scent that's more attractive/addictive to women. That sounds good to me, except I read it in the context of studying psychopaths/sociopaths, and I realized that both of my abusive exes had intoxicating scents. Sigh.

Posted on June 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm 0

On "Tens," Office Racism, and a Molehill

@Does Axl have a jack? I'm plain and have not yet learned to embrace it. My attractive ex (think sociopathic Russell Brand (or is that redundant?)) treated me like dirt, dramatically ran off with another woman in rom-com-gone-ugly fashion, and now he's dating a nude model. Just, ugh.

Posted on June 30, 2012 at 6:59 pm 0

On Ask a Clean Person's Gross Substitute

@frigwiggin I've had good luck washing my rubber-backed bath mats. I wash them in the front loader washers on the gentle cycle using warm water. Then I tumble them on a low setting to dry them. I've washed them at least a half dozen times this way without them falling apart. As best as I can remember, I bought the not-cheapest rugs available at Target at the time.

Posted on June 8, 2012 at 10:25 pm 0

On Ask a Clean Person's Gross Substitute

@parallel-lines Re: Geckos as a solution -- I'm a northerner, so I had only ever seen the smaller cockroaches until last week. I was visiting a friend in Dallas, and a GI-NORMOUS cockroach appeared on the outside wall of her house at dusk just before a thunderstorm. It had to be at least four inches long, if not larger. It was so big, it crawled on top of a gecko and just SAT THERE for several seconds. I swear that gecko must have been terrified. Having seen that, I'm thinking an aggressive cat is a better way to go. *shudder*

Posted on June 8, 2012 at 10:10 pm 0