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By cuminafterall on 18 Brides in a Year

About this: "I understand easily why a man would want a wife; it's harder to for me to grasp why a woman would want to be one."

I got married this year, so I guess I am a wife, insofar as it means "female-identified, legally and socially recognized life partner of another human." That's all I signed up for, that's what it means to me. I wish that was all it meant to the world at large. The only thing I can do is claim that meaning for myself and construct/practice an egalitarian relationship with my husband. Luckily he's on board with that, though it's harder than I thought it would be.

Posted on December 31, 2013 at 11:35 am 4

By superfluous consonants on 18 Brides in a Year

oh goodness yes. there was the very traditional proposal (but with a non-diamond!) that i wasn't expecting and we hadn't discussed (though he was right to know I'd say yes) and the mostly-traditional wedding (i was walked down the aisle and traded between men--though i'm so terrible at being looked at i probably wouldn't have gone at all by myself). we thought a lot about it and ended up with an event we loved, full of our favorite people and snacks and minimal princessing (my outfit was an inexplicably white bridesmaid's dress). i did NOT change my name, for which i am grateful every day, but i did end up giving our son his name only, for which i am disappointed with myself and still, six months later, consider changing. ugh, the patriarchy is hard.

Posted on December 30, 2013 at 11:53 pm 1

By RaspberryCake on 18 Brides in a Year

I liked this. I'm getting married next year and its been a little surprising having to field the name-change questions. I'm not keeping my name--I didn't have loving parents, and my biological grandpa ran out on my loving, beautiful grandma, so the name means nothing to me.

If my last name were my Grandma's maiden name then maybe, but my last name has always felt like a lie. As an adult I started using my first and middle name on social media, as that is who I identify as. Adding my future husbands name to my identity feels thrilling--like I am finally realizing the loving family I have always wanted. We are a unit, and a community, and s support network, and it makes me so happy. Being able to throw out the old name that only reminded me of a bad past makes me feel so excited.

At any rate, we're eloping in a private, special place to both of us. Instead of me walking towards him, we are going to hold hands and walk towards the officiant together, as equals. We've been together for 4 years so this isn't a case where we are starting our lives together, we're just continuing our lives together.

He gave me a heads up a year before he asked me to marry him just so I could get used to the idea, the guy knows me so well. When he did ask me, I was really surprised by my reaction. I just sobbed and sobbed like I was purging something bad out of my system--like I was getting rid of something deep and unconscious and icky that I had thought about myself which was at once forcefully proved wrong. You would think that after therapy, a thriving goal oriented life, and a long term relationship that I would feel loveable--but the symbolism of the ring on my finger totally engulfed me in a way that it shouldn't have but did anyway. I felt really safe, and all this black sludge of self doubt just melted out of me.

Posted on December 30, 2013 at 11:19 pm 2

By JessicaLovejoy on "Ouagadougou" Is the Hardest Word: A Day at the Spelling Bee

@fondue with cheddar's not on board.

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 1:46 pm 3

By leonstj on The New SAHM

@sophia_h - Oh I don't want to stay at home to write or make art or anything.

I just like listening to music, reading childrens books out loud, debating the merits of the landmark case of "Because I Said So" v. "But I Don't Wanna" with 2 foot tall wanna-be tyrants, slow-cooked food, and attempting to make my living space look nice while tiny people try to thwart my efforts.

Posted on March 18, 2013 at 3:16 pm 13

By RNL on The New SAHM

"Girls play with dolls because they are naturally more maternal."

Did she stay at home for the critical thinking class during her fancy MSW?

Posted on March 18, 2013 at 2:54 pm 22

By Nicole Cliffe on The New SAHM

MELIS AND I WATCHED BLADES OF GLORY LAST NIGHT INSTEAD OF ME LOOKING AFTER MAH MAN AND MAH BABY

Posted on March 18, 2013 at 2:17 pm 16

By highfivesforall on The New SAHM

@Countess Maritza The problem with this article is not that this woman has not decided to pursue the dreams she had when she was younger - it's lines like this: "Meanwhile, what was once feminist blasphemy is now conventional wisdom: Generally speaking, mothers instinctively want to devote themselves to home more than fathers do. (Even Sandberg admits it. 'Are there characteristics inherent in sex differences that make women more nurturing and men more assertive?' she asks. 'Quite possibly.')"

Posted on March 18, 2013 at 2:04 pm 19

By yrouttasight on The New SAHM

God, there's 7 pages of this crap?

Posted on March 18, 2013 at 2:04 pm 17

By dj pomegranate on The New SAHM

@lucy snowe OR that the men who deem cooking and cleaning "women's work" also feel like they SINCE THEY ARE THE MANLY MEN get to decide when it's sexytimes, whether or not the woman feels like it?

So many possibilities, so poorly articulated.

Posted on March 18, 2013 at 1:59 pm 12