I feel like she kind of missed the point on LW1. It's not just that the friend is annoying, it's that she's doing something unhealthy and is also asking the LW for advice, and she doesn't know how to handle it. The relationship doesn't sound like it's just "pursuing someone on a different coast". She's asking her to "analyze" these OKcupid conversations, and it probably feels disengenuous to help her analyze conversations without being like "BUT ALSO BTW STOP TALKING TO HIM THIS IS CRAZY". Personally, when it's a close friend doing this I just say what I mean in as nice a way as possible. "Look, I love you and I understand that you feel strongly about this guy, and believe me I've been there, but this relationship is really unhealthy and you need to cut it off" If it's not a friend I feel comfortable saying that to. . .she probably wouldn't be someone I talk to that much anyways, but I guess I would follow A Lady's strategy in that case.
@fabel LW2 is just maaaajorly overthinking. This whole process should have taken two minutes. "Hey, I wonder what happened to that cute guy I was friends with years ago? Hmm I bet I could find him on Facebook, maybe I should finally make one since I've been too lazy to in the past! *Makes a Facebook* *Messages the Guy* *Sees what happens*. The act of looking up this guy isn't weird, it's the maaaajor big deal she's making of it.
@Nicole Cliffe What Autostraddle piece? Hints, at least!
@Megasus Yup. Totally made me cringe in recognition, because I had a friend who was sharing a bedroom with his ex girlfriend and her new girlfriend, who she had cheated on him with IN HIS BED WHILE HE WAS HAVING SURGERY. People get to such depths of craziness in these situations that you just can't get them to understand that they CAN'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
@MaxBraverman I don't know, I kind of feel like, since there's a large chance that I do have oral herpes even though I've never had any symptoms for it, it's not quite fair to expect someone who has had symptoms to disclose that to me. My chances of having it and transmitting it to someone are only a couple of percentage points lower than theirs, they just happen to be aware of their status. Should I have to disclose that I have no conclusive evidence that I DON'T have oral herpes?
Also: FWIW, Bike Girl, I think you look real cute even with all the funny scars!
Hey, LW5 already got a response from Miss Information on this! No fair! http://www.nerve.com/advice/miss-information/miss-information-271
@leon s Totally agree. I don't know exactly when I had this realization, but I used to do this dumb thing where I'd want to "wait" to have actual sex because I'd been fed all that stuff about "buy-the-milk-or-he'll-take-your-cow" or whatever the hell the saying is, but I wasn't actually restrained enough to not get naked, so I'd end up having a lot of oral sex without intercourse because I thought it didn't "count". They were awkward and unfulfilling sexual experiences AND they didn't feel as safe as just having sex with a condom. At some point I realized that I'm much happier having intercourse but not oral sex with a new person and I've had much better hookups ever since.
@leon s It kinda sounds like the dude didn't even expect that he could get her off from penetration alone, because she said that when they'd talked about sex she "lied about her fast and frequent orgasms". He must have noticed and been like "gee, you sure do come easily!" It sounds like she started faking it, he started assuming he could get her off that way because she always seemed to, and so then when she stopped faking it on occasion he'd just keep going because that had always seemed to work before. The whole thing just seems like a mess.
I hope this isn't overly harsh, but I feel like this girl needs to lay off the life partner/engagement in next year talk until she's worked through her intimacy issues a lot more. Because that's what this boils down to, really; she doesn't feel capable of being honest with her partner during one of the most intimate parts of their relationship. It doesn't really matter why she started doing it, the fact that she's been doing it throughout the entire development of this relationship makes me feel like she is in no way ready to get engaged. Not that she won't ever be, but she needs to slow down and wait on making a life commitment until she feels like she's being totally honest and open when she's naked in bed with the guy.