Kind of a huge leap to suggest that LW1 might want "loving sexless relationships with men", isn't it? She says that she does have pantsfeelings when she talks to men she likes, she just hasn't had a fulfilling sexual encounter with one yet. I didn't have anything really resembling a satisfying sexual encounter until my third partner.
Maybe I'm just grouchy because I'm 26 and describe myself as boy-crazy, so QC hurt my feelings. The rest of this is all fantastic.
@Pound of Salt Same here. My two closest female friends are actually people who lived on the same floor of my dorm my freshman year of college, but we were only acquaintances then. Then random circumstances brought us together years later and now we're super close. But this is definitely not a solution, because most of my friendships have happened by. . .magic? But honestly most of my romantic relationships have happened by magic too so maybe there are no solutions to anything, only magic.
Wow, am I really gonna be the first person on this comment thread to be like "HI AUTHOR LADY CAN WE BE FRIENDS?!?!"
I mean, seriously. . .I'm not lacking in friends because I've lived in NYC my entire adult life, but I could always use some more! If this offer is not completely creepy we should totally go on a friend date. I know a bunch of fun places to see live bluegrass in the city!
@Mrs. Bob Benson? I think it'd be unethical to STOP hooking up with him because you know this. And it was unethical for your friend to disclose that information to you; I'm sure he'd be very angry with her if he knew that information he disclosed to her in confidence had gotten told to someone he's involved with. He's the only person who can define his sexuality for himself, and if he's having sex with you it's because he wants to. Whether he's also attracted to men is neither here nor there.
@RoyRogersMcFreely Seriously, he said he's "not as attracted to her anymore" because she isn't bi? What the actual fuck??
@raised amongst catalogs I had one horrible drink #4 experience where my drunk-brain concluded that because he had had four drinks with me but wasn't making a move or flirting very much he must just be shy, so I declared "You're really cute!" and he just sort of blushed and said he had to go and it was MORTIFYING.
I also found this hilarious. . .and it confirms every uncomfortable suspicion I've ever had about how obvious it is when I'm on an okcupid date. Sigh.
@datalass Oh man, working as a progressive organizer/activist means SO MUCH HUGGING. And standing in circles hand-holding and sharing of feelings. The number of times I've been at meetings and wanted to shout "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE PEOPLE I KNOW WE'RE CHANGING THE WORLD OR WHATEVER BUT WE'RE STILL GODDAMNED ADULTS" is. . .a lot of times.
If we had a betting pool on this, I'd be betting that by the time this was published LW4 has already kicked the girlfriend out and LW3 has already drunkenly tried to kiss her taken friend.
I feel like she kind of missed the point on LW1. It's not just that the friend is annoying, it's that she's doing something unhealthy and is also asking the LW for advice, and she doesn't know how to handle it. The relationship doesn't sound like it's just "pursuing someone on a different coast". She's asking her to "analyze" these OKcupid conversations, and it probably feels disengenuous to help her analyze conversations without being like "BUT ALSO BTW STOP TALKING TO HIM THIS IS CRAZY". Personally, when it's a close friend doing this I just say what I mean in as nice a way as possible. "Look, I love you and I understand that you feel strongly about this guy, and believe me I've been there, but this relationship is really unhealthy and you need to cut it off" If it's not a friend I feel comfortable saying that to. . .she probably wouldn't be someone I talk to that much anyways, but I guess I would follow A Lady's strategy in that case.