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On Selective Empathy and "An Outlet for Maternal Feelings"

@katiemcgillicuddy She definitely enjoys local AND European museums!

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 1:19 pm 3

On Scandals of Classic Hollywood: The Long Suicide of Montgomery Clift

@WhiskeySour I totally posted the same thing downthread because I didn't bother to read the comments first! But yes, agreed to everything. I'm not into any of this stuff either, but these posts are SO GOOD because AHP is SO GOOD.

Posted on September 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm 2

On Scandals of Classic Hollywood: The Long Suicide of Montgomery Clift

You know, I have never seen any of the movies that are in this series. I'm not into the classics; they just don't do it for me (it's mostly that bizarre accent they all had, that mid-Atlantic thing or whatever), but I LOVE THESE ARTICLES. It's the quality of the writing, the excellent use of photos and clips, and the fact that AHP clearly knows and cares SO MUCH about the subjects that make even people like me, who are not already interested, look forward to them.

Posted on September 5, 2012 at 3:25 pm 3

On Friday Open Thread

@Beautiful Ann Perkins OMG let's do it! Even if only the two of us show up, it'll be worth it. I was thinking that maybe with the semester starting at the law school/area colleges/universities there might be an influx of ladies/dudes who want to hang? I have found it SO HARD to meet people. Where do you work? Or in what field, if you don't want to Reveal Details on the internet?

Posted on August 27, 2012 at 7:32 pm 0

On Friday Open Thread

@Cat named Virtute

Oh man, I have felt this way SO MANY TIMES. Right now, I live in a city that I don't love, where I have made few friends, working a temporary job (that I do love, so there's that), after taking a huge pay cut and going back to school. I miss my old life so much, where I lived in an amazing city and had lots of friends and there was so much to do (but I didn't like my job). (I decided that my career was/is my priority, hence the decisions, and I don't regret that, but, you know, sometimes...) My friends and I are at an age where people are getting married and having babies, and I don't know where I'll be living in a year. And I've had to go back home and live with my parents when it seemed like everyone else was traveling and cohabitating and being fabulously successful. It's hard not to compare myself to my peers. I don't know what your experience with depression is, but as someone who's prone to it, maybe I can offer some advice? Also, these suggestions are mostly what I've found helpful once the bulk of the bad stuff is under control, when you're in counseling or whatever.

Whenever I find myself slipping into those feelings and thoughts - regardless of the circumstances, there's apparently always a reason to feel like shit! - I try to remind myself that it's temporary. Hmm. Does this make it sound like I am making light of depression? I am not; I think it's very, very serious, and there have been times when I was very, very depressed and anxious. I am on meds now, so I think that is probably why my "episodes" are shorter than they used to be, but I do still get down and it's very hard to change thought patterns, but anyway, it does help me to remember that I won't feel awful forever.

I've also realized that I'm someone who thrives on routines and stability. I need to eat breakfast every day. I need that breakfast to be relatively healthy. I need to have a little bit of time in the morning to read the news, eat breakfast, drink my tea, and wake up. I am not willing to lose that time. I also need sleep. I need alone time to recharge. Sorry to begin every sentence with "I," but I think it helps (for me at least) to know what your physical needs are, and to make sure they're met.

Exercise. This is a big one for me. I can tell when I need to exercise because I'm grumpy and feeling out of sorts. I don't have a lot of money so I don't belong to a gym, but I do yoga in the winter and walk/rollerblade in the summer, and those endorphins are my best free friends.

Keeping busy. Whether it's a job (any job), volunteering in your field, writing something for a publication, babysitting, walking the dog, crafting, etc. etc. etc., keeping busy is important. I have had to go back home and live with my parents a couple of times as an adult, and the best thing to keep me from feeling like a horrible loser was to volunteer and/or get a job. You get the added benefit of being a well-rounded person with interests, which never hurts.

Being honest with people. I'm pretty open about my experiences with depression and anxiety, and to my knowledge I have never driven anyone away by acknowledging that right now, it's difficult just to get out of bed, or that there have been times when it was. I used to lean mostly on my mom for support, but there are a few trusted friends who I'm able to talk to, too. Having someone - even if it is just one person - who is understanding and supportive can make a big difference. But most people don't want to pry, and it's hard to ask someone point blank whether they're depressed, so I've found that being the one to bring it up is the best way to go about it. Not that you want to tell every single person you encounter, but you know, having confidantes is a very good thing, and I hope you have some/one. If you don't, feel free to email me at tasha dot caswell at gmail dot com.

I hope this helps!

Posted on August 25, 2012 at 11:45 am 0

On Friday Open Thread

I moved to Hartford, CT, last October and need more friends. I have met a few people through work, but when they're busy, I have no one to hang out with and Hartford's kind of a hard place in which to meet people. Do any other 'Pinners live in the Hartford area? I'm thinking of doing a pin up sometime this fall...

Posted on August 25, 2012 at 10:42 am 0

On Friday Open Thread

@jen325 I also have fine hair (but LOTS OF IT) and it's not really wavy but not straight either, and it gets oily pretty quickly. I went back and forth between a bob and long layers for years, and then in the winter I decided that I wanted it short, like, pixie short, with bangs. I figured that the worst that could happen is that it didn't look good, and then it would grow back. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous when I went in and had it all chopped off. I now have a pixie cut and I. LOVE. IT. Generally, I think short hair is a better look for me than long, but ymmv.

It sounds like a bob might be a good hairstyle for you? The great thing about bobs is that they are timeless and classic, and beautiful. They can be long or short, severely or gently asymmetrical, and they seem to work with almost all face shapes/types of hair. As long as you don't cut it too short, you won't have to worry about the most horribly awkward stage of growing it out. Are you completely averse to styling? I am not someone who wants to spend ages on my hair either (I'm never going to be one of those girls with the Pinterest type crown braids or what have you), but honestly, I have found that I feel like I look better if I blow dry and flat iron every day to get the most annoying not-curls-not-waves-not-cowlicks-why-won't-you-make-up-your-mind kinks out. With short hair, that doesn't take long, but I find it essential (you may not!).

One thing to keep in mind is that the quality of your cut does probably depend a lot on the quality of the salon. I've decided, after having a few HORRIBLE haircuts in my adolescent and adult lives, that spending money on hair is worth it. Sometimes you get what you pay for. I found a salon in my town that is reasonably priced but good, and got my long hair trimmed there before taking the plunge and going pixie.

As far as the oily/greasy thing goes, I have just resigned myself to having to wash my hair every day, and because of that, my bangs don't seem to be an issue (sometimes when I get lazy I skip a wash, though, and then things get pretty ugly).

I'm sorry for writing a book on this, but I have OPINIONS about hair. (Clearly.)

Posted on August 25, 2012 at 10:39 am 0

On On Second Chances

I didn't read all 342 comments, so maybe someone said this upthread, but: I've felt the way LW feels. Not the cheating part, never done that, but the regret part, and the idealizing of an ex part. And the fact that it's happened, oh, a million times, has led me to the following conclusion: it's a bullshit feeling and I no longer trust it.

Also, at the risk of sounding like a hippie yoga freak, maybe what the LW needs to move on from this is to forgive himself? Cheating sucks, for sure, but many, many people do it, and for many, many reasons. It's one of the most human actions in the world. Don't make a habit of it, obviously, but maybe just acknowledge to yourself that you did it and you were a juicebox in that relationship, and that the relationship is now over. Because it is: it's over. You gotta move on. If nothing else, you will get the opportunity to not be "that guy" with your next lady friend. Everyone needs a clean slate, a do-over, and sometimes the best way to get that is to get it with someone new. (But: no more cheating. No more juiceboxing.)

Posted on May 8, 2012 at 8:52 pm 7

On Ask an Archivist

@bolero I registered just to comment on this! I am both a librarian and an archivist by training, and have worked as both. Right now, I'm a photo archivist at a historical society. And it's a grant-funded position. And it started out pretty damn part-time (14 hours/week), and I had to relocate for it. And I had to get a second part-time job in an office. BUT my supervisor loves me and wrote me into a big grant, and got my current grant extended, and found another project for me to work on. All of those things add up to full-time employment starting next month. For a year, but I'll take it.

So yeah, the job market in this field is kind of awful, especially if you're like me and want to do something specific (photo archivist). As an academic librarian, I was making a lot more money and had decent-ish job security, but I didn't like the work. Now, despite being SUPER poor and only being able to count on one year of full-time employment, I am way more content. Ugh, long story short: sometimes part-time, temporary things turn into full-time, not-as-temporary things!

Posted on May 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm 0