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On What Happened When We Gave Our Daughter My Last Name

Your kids friends are the FIRST people who are going to be okay with this, because they won't have preconceived notions of how things are done or why. They won't be teased for it. I've been so surprised at the number of my friends who as they've had kids have ended up changing their names or their kids names or everyone's names just because "how else will the kids know who their family is?!" Kids know. I asked my mother why she had a different last name than me several times as a child, but I had no confusion at any point about whether or not she was really my mother.

Posted on July 15, 2014 at 1:24 pm 1

On A Bold Notion for Baby Showers

@stonefruit I worked at a sexist, horrible British company where only female employees planned and attended office baby showers. The men sort of hovered around outside to hug the mom-to-be and scrounge cake afterwards. Aside from that, the only office showers have been at essentially all-female offices (I work in magazines) so it wasn't really any issue, I never actually thought about it. But I think it would be weird at most companies to exclude employees on that basis.

Posted on February 7, 2014 at 8:22 am 0

On What I've Learned From Three Years Without Shampoo

@ComradeQuestion I'm a brunette, so I've never experienced the green thing in years of swimming, but vinegar actually helps remove chlorine so I would imagine not. And basically, shampoo+chlorine=double damage to your hair. Removing the lathering chemicals (at the very LEAST, switch to a sulfate-free shampoo) will be great for your hair health overall.

Posted on January 23, 2014 at 10:25 pm 0

On What I've Learned From Three Years Without Shampoo

@yossariangirl I use Devachan's No-Poo products. I don't have to use very much, so even though they're expensive, they last a long time (I buy maybe 3-4 bottles a year, and I work out/use their product to wash my hair every day) and frankly, I'm doing this to look pretty, not because I'm a hippie. I spend no money on products (because my hair looks great), styling tools (because my hair looks great), or color (you get the idea) so I feel I can justify the cost of 6 bottles of products and a great cut twice a year. And *gets on high horse* unlike everyone who appears to be writing about this on the internet NOW, I have been doing this for 15 years, since I was 13 years old. I grew up in New York and have used nothing but their products and their cuts for basically my entire life, and literally have only distant memories of bad hair days. The only thing that ruins my hair now is if I have a date at night and I get nervous and scrunch my hair too enthusiastically in the morning and squish the curls in an effort to make them really stay.

Posted on January 23, 2014 at 10:14 pm 1

On The Best Time I Learned My Last Name Means Blow Job

@elephony I worked with a guy whose name was Richard Blow. I don't think he ever went by Dick, and also he later changed his last name to something else, but I am pretty sure plenty of other people thought to call him that regardless.

Posted on January 15, 2014 at 6:39 pm 1

On Seven Months Alone in South America

I read these stories now, after recently ending a relationship with a 32-year-old man who is still paralyzed with indecision about what he wants to do with his life SIX YEARS after an epic backpacking trip like this, and I genuinely wonder if it's a good idea for some people. It feels to me like traveling for too long really skews your perception of normality in a way that is pretty unsustainable for most people, and there's never anyone there telling 20-somethings that the things they want right now may not be the things they want in their 40s...and those things they want in their 40s may not be available to them if they make certain choices now. He went through basically exactly the same cycle...a 3 month trip turned into nearly a year, a brief stint back at home to earn money, another four months out with no plans to return, and then he was called home by a family emergency, and hasn't been able to make it back out since, mainly because he refuses to lower himself to do the kind of mundane office work he ran away from in the first place after having his epiphany while traveling. This means that he has no regular income, and thus no ability to travel anywhere OR start a real life at home. He totally believes himself when he says that he wants to have a family in his mid-30s, but with years of earning power forfeited, it's simply not going to be possible for him to have the kind of life he's envisioning, which is the one he was raised with, funded by two very hard-working doctor parents.

Basically, I used to think this was something I wanted to do. But after seeing what it's done to almost everyone I know who's done it (not just this guy, who's the worst-case scenario) I no longer think it's a great idea for everyone, and I think the people who insist it is are justifying their own choices in a big way. I worked as a travel writer for three years, traveling about two weeks out of every month, so believe me, I understand wanderlust, but I'm living proof that there's a way to indulge wanderlust and keep your life's momentum at the same time. I'm not saying don't go, but I'm saying if you do, spend some of the time you're not having sex with strangers and petting baby llamas thinking about what you DO want out of a career and a life, not just what you DON'T want. Even jobs and paths that are what you want will have aspects of the things you don't want--that doesn't make them the wrong choice.

Posted on January 12, 2014 at 3:26 pm 0

On How to Quit Shampoo Without Becoming Disgusting

@Clare Boyle@facebook I HATED Wen. I've used Devacurl for years and figured it would be comparable, but it sucked and made my (curly, dry, long) hair heavy and sticky and gross-feeling, like it was coated.

Posted on November 30, 2013 at 11:34 am 0

On How to Quit Shampoo Without Becoming Disgusting

@JadeX As long as its natural oil (nothing silicone in it) there's kind of...no reason to get it all out? I basically use argan oil as a conditioner sometimes, so it's not incompatible with this. I know it's kind of gross right after you get them, but once your scalp has adjusted its own oil production, this should actually be fine.

Posted on November 30, 2013 at 11:30 am 0

On How to Quit Shampoo Without Becoming Disgusting

@meg_r I'm not black but I do have that regulation Jewish curly/frizzy hair, and have been shampoo-free for like 15 years now? I don't go full hippie, since I'm not doing this for environmental reasons--I use a natural-ish conditioner (Devacurl One Condition) and comb my hair out when I have conditioner in, and not otherwise. Ignore EVERYTHING about brushing; that is for straight-haired people and your instincts are correct. I also use a little conditioner or the Devacurl gel which breaks down pretty easily to style.

Posted on November 30, 2013 at 11:28 am 0

On Interview with a Big Dick

@Gilgongo Oh ugh yes. First really big one I ever encountered, in college. It was like he'd unzip and get and be like, "okay, I did my part, the rest is up to you!" Even as a college freshman I was pretty unimpressed with the overall experience, to the point where for a long time I thought I preferred average-size ones. Then I met a guy with a really big one who knew how to use it, and well, we all know how that story ends.

Posted on November 25, 2013 at 12:02 pm 0