Writer, blogger an apocalypse nut from the UK. Writes articles for incaseofsurvival.com, book reviews at bookdrug.wordpress.com and about herself, her writing, her childhood, and her one true love (books) at ifuckinglovebooks.wordpress.com Raising money for Booktrust by walking Hadrians Wall 9the longest wall in the UK) this september. Donate! If you want to. http://www.justgiving.com/Caitlin-Blanchard1
Women eating with only a passing thought of the horror of being fat? scandalous!
@penny dreadful I think he's sexy! And I have Jeff G story: a friend and I were walking down 57th street, and we saw him walking toward us. Suddenly, he is no longer walking in our general direction but clearly walking straight toward me - intently staring, moving a bit faster. He got within arms reach, I said (very quietly) "Hi Jeff Goldblum" and he suddenly veered and went around me. Our theory was he was not wearing his glasses or contacts and mistook me for someone else.
It was great.
@frigwiggin Once I ruined Knocked Up for a friend this way. She just wanted to enjoy Seth Rogen's goofy Rolf voice and I was all GRUMP GRUMP just get an abortion already, Katherine Heigl!
Oh god, this is like when you love a movie and you sit down to watch it with a friend, and you keep looking over at their face to see if they're laughing at the right parts, if they're getting it, and you laugh louder to overcompensate and telegraph just how much you love this movie, and it gets to that one part and you realize, which you never realized before, that that one part is kind of racist/ableist/sexist and you're laughing and it's awkward and it reflects badly on you, like now your friend things you think this bigoted thing is funny but you just never noticed and you oversold it and they're going to think you're a freak and you go to the kitchen under the guise of getting drinks before your heart stops.
No? Just me?
By City_Dater on Explanations
Because it isn't addressed here. At all. Nor is the radical assumption that it is possible to form a pair bond with someone who doesn't share every single one of your hobbies and interests, but whatever. Count me as yet another woman who was well aware of all of this and doesn't think "Man Realizes He Is Immature Asshole, Tries to Stop Being Immature Asshole" belongs on this site. There are no doubt tons of Boy Bonding Places where this needs to be read.
By Linette on Explanations
"I used to use violence to solve my problems, because I had a fucked-up childhood, but now I've learned it's not okay to hit people over minor disagreements. And now I don't do it anymore!"
Good thing to say to other people with violence problems. Not a great thing to say at support groups for people who have been in abusive relationships.
By bitzyboozer on Explanations
@pterodactgirl The point could be made that this is another product of the age at which most boy geeks start forming these habits. In adolescence it's pretty natural, what with the surging WTF-ness of hormones and all, for boys and girls to see each other primarily as dating material. The problem is that so many of these dudes never seem to grow past that stage into the understanding that girls are real people just as much as they are, possibly through the lack of contact that the author's describing. I mean, he's not making that point, but it could be made.
By SarahDances on Explanations
Maybe you should be doing more than just *hoping* guys recognize this behavior in themselves. Maybe you should be calling them out on it when you actually see it, which you probably do on a fairly regular basis. Maybe instead of publishing this article in a largely woman-centric space, you should try to publish it somewhere with a larger focus on men and/or gamers. Maybe it shouldn't just be women standing up to this behavior, because this kind of guy is just going to be dismissive of their opinions anyway.
There's probably more to be said here, but I'm already exhausted.
I am also genuinely curious about where this was to fit on the Hairpin? It seems like half-apology, half please-understand-where-I'm coming-from; the latter half is condescending. We all pretty much get where you're coming from, it isn't news. On an individual level, it's genuinely nice, but not revelational, that one person has an increased awareness of themselves and this problem they've been a part of. On a widespread-problem level, it's just not very... interesting, or useful, to anyone but the poster. (Maybe that's the intent? To allow the writer a chance to sound out some complex feelings? That's fine, but this is still a weird place for it?) People who have been treated like shit by another large group of people are often better equipped to understand the underlying causes than the perpetrators of the shit-treating, due to the self-delusion brought up by the poster.
If you want to start being a role model for other men in your community, offer your explanations to those men in that community. If you want forgiveness and acceptance, start by being a role model for other men in your community and be open to lots of criticism. You're simply not gonna get it by -- and truly, I mean no offense to the poster -- saying stuff we've heard a million times before and are kinda tired of hearing.