a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball-machine parts

On Book Titles, Answered

this is delightful. (poor Waldo.)

Posted on September 23, 2014 at 1:26 pm 1

On The Best Time I Watched My Doctor Examine My Stool Sample

@jillygagnon@twitter ohhhhhhhh my gawwwwwwwwd this was amazing & also all too real. I did hard time in the hospital after my appendix ruptured & by far the most (least) awesome part of that whole ordeal was regularly having to poop in a toilet-mounted stool-collection thingie colloquially called "the hat." I wasn't really eating solid foods either, so it was a disgusting nightmare, & I frequently had to warn people away from the bathroom because the nurses hadn't come to get it yet. #TeamShowinYerPoopToDoctors (I'm glad you're okay! & yes, antibiotics are the worst. eat yogurt.)

Posted on September 11, 2014 at 8:23 am 0

On Dumb

@kellyography not being able to talk normally is the WORST. everything you'd normally say gets evaluated w/r/t the cost/benefit of pain, & it ends up altering your whole personality. (but then again, that phenomenon gave us these comments, so yay? I'm excited about this series!)

Posted on September 9, 2014 at 9:50 am 0

On The Best Time I (Maybe) Got Rabies

this was AMAZING. did you save the Pall Mall note all these years, or is that an old photo?? (either way, it's fantastic & the decision to include it in the piece was genius.)

Posted on September 3, 2014 at 10:22 am 0

On The Yoko Ono Guide to Male Suffering

Yoko Ono is a treasure. & one of my friends who just had a baby posted this on facebook--I hope she actually does it.

Posted on July 23, 2014 at 2:04 pm 0

On An Introductory Journey Through Blake Lively's Lifestyle Website

@Jia Tolentino this is the best thing I've read in a while though, so I'm now indebted to Blake Lively for two things (the first, obviously, being Gossip Girl).

Posted on July 23, 2014 at 1:55 pm 0

On The Prom King on Instagram, 10 Years After the Party

"belch" is definitely the right verb for the way most wedding photosets materialize on facebook. (also this was great.)

Posted on July 10, 2014 at 4:23 pm 0

On My Ideal Weddings, By Age

there are a lot of reasons I'm happy to be married (major ones include "I'm a fan of my husband" & "it was fun") but the #1 has to be that I WILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT WEDDING-PLANNING.

every once in a while some new thing will come to my attention (most recently, photo booths) & I'll have a moment of "ooh, I wonder how much that costs because--" & then I remember that ship has sailed & cackle maniacally (albeit internally).

it is interesting, though--I got married six years ago & I can think of all kinds of ways my 2014 wedding would be different from my 2008 one. so clearly this kind of "ideal wedding" evolution of perspective never really goes away.

Posted on May 7, 2014 at 4:51 pm 0

On The Dad Vibes Pie

@Charlotte I saw a concert with Donald Fagen from Steely Dan, Michael McDonald, & Boz Scaggs (touring together as a Dad-friendly supergroup called Dukes of September), & it was seriously one of the best shows of my life.

then again, I also made the exact same joke as my dad, with the exact same wording, to my mom the other day, so perhaps my affinity for old-white-guy music is not surprising. (also my dad doesn't particularly like Steely Dan, so who knows what's going on with me.)

Posted on May 2, 2014 at 10:06 am 0

On Your Clitoris Is the Size of a 'Medium Zucchini,' and Other Vagina Facts You Didn't Know

@idrathernot I parsed that at first as "anti-duck-rape vaginas" & I was like...is that really a widespread problem?

Posted on May 2, 2014 at 9:55 am 1