a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball-machine parts

On Let's Talk About Birth Control

@SBGBlogs I have at least one friend whose Mirena acclimation was instantaneous, but for me it took a while longer, & I still get something at least vaguely period-like once a month after having it for several years.

the body-acne thing sounds like it's an issue with the hormones though. have you tried Paragard? it can make your periods heavier (with bonus cramping for some people) but if you're already having spotting/periods that might not matter much, & since it's hormone-free it might be better in terms of your skin.

Posted on March 23, 2015 at 1:23 pm 0

On Formative Sexperiments

@retrvertigo aside from the fact that I'm slightly older than you, I could've typed this exact same comment verbatim. human-Beast is SO UGLY, but beast-Beast can get it.

& while we're airing our formative crushes: I distinctly remember preparing to rewatch The NeverEnding Story as a 19-year-old & being excited about witnessing the hotness of Atreyu once again...only to be HORRIFIED by the fact that HE IS A CHILD. my memory of him was as, like, a sexy older man (because that's how a 13-year-old seems when you're 6). it was super gross/disappointing.

Posted on March 13, 2015 at 11:13 am 0

On A Yeezy for all Seasons

I have Very Strong Associations with Through the Wire that would probably take it to #1 for me, & while I may have minor quibbles with some of her other rankings, Ms. Johnston & I generally have very similar tastes in Yeezy.

but I'm shocked--shocked!--that she mentioned tracks from GOOD Music, but not "To the World," which is definitely one of my favorite badass anthems. (to be fair, I don't know the rest of GOOD Music, but I have a hard time believing those other songs could possibly touch the glory that is a Kelly/Kanye Chi-town collabo.)

Posted on March 4, 2015 at 12:08 pm 0

On "Rebounding," Internet Dating, and Oppressive Monogamous Conditioning

this is the second column in a row where I've gone to the Hairpin earlier in the day hoping for a new AQC, gotten disappointed that there wasn't one, & then seemingly magically willed a the latest installment into existence. if that's my superpower, I'll take it.

Posted on December 10, 2014 at 5:36 pm 0

On First Date Mad Libs

combine this with my deep commitment to only using filthy &/or absurd words for Mad Libs, & you've basically got a StraightWhiteBoysTexting generator.

Posted on December 10, 2014 at 4:50 pm 0

On The League of Ordinary Ladies: How Was Your Summer?

I've been waiting to get on a real computer to experience this properly after I saw it pop up on my phone, & I kept forgetting. but--belatedly--congrats! & oh my god, this made me excited for summer again.

Posted on December 2, 2014 at 10:28 am 0

On Better Security Questions

these are all great. my least-favorite is when sites ask "favorite color"--because I'm a goddamn adult, & accordingly I don't have a favorite color anymore.

(the best are when you can write your own. I was able to recover the years-old password for my alma mater's employment page because I still remembered the inside joke I repurposed as a security question.)

Posted on November 4, 2014 at 4:00 pm 0

On A Cool Hip Writer Who Has Definitely Had Sex Profiles Cameron Diaz

@Katie McCarthy@facebook yes. & I especially love that this installment portrays Cameron Diaz about as accurately as I can imagine--initially willing to roll with the weirdness, but quickly fed up.

Posted on October 23, 2014 at 10:49 am 0

On "Too Many" Straight Friends, Hiding Your Sex Tools, and Life in the Queer Lane

@muddgirl yeah, but I get hives at the thought of my parents encountering an entire box of my "sex stuff."

then again, when they visited our new apartment for the first time, one of the very first thing my mother did was throw open the bedroom closet to see how big it was, so...

Posted on October 17, 2014 at 2:06 pm 0

On The Best Time I Worked At Hot Dog On A Stick

I can't hear the name of that restaurant without thinking of the Eels song "Grace Kelly Blues": "The kid in the mall works at what dog on a stick / His hat is a funny shape his heart is a brick / Taking your order he will look away / He doesn't have a thing to say." sad that that song will be anachronistic now.

also, I as well got a late-adolescent navel piercing with the help of a (slightly) older friend. sadly, my job back then was cashiering at Kohl's, & my unbreakable habit of letting merchandise slide against my stomach as I was putting it into bags didn't work well with that new accoutrement. (RIP, nonvolleyball's bellybutton ring, 2002–2002.)

Posted on October 8, 2014 at 12:00 pm 0