a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball-machine parts
I keep trying to comment something further on your response to the third question but I can't, it's just perfect.
I second what @gilmore_hurls said. I came up with a username just to log in and praise this for being perfect.
Also, I once had a pen shaped like a syringe, and it was fucking awesome.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to bathe in this FOREVERRRRRRRR
Best ending line ever.
A++, would cackle again.
I created an account just to say that I loved this. If you wanted to expand it into a novel I would buy said novel and recommend it to my friends and wait in line to have you sign it.
My friend posted this on my wall and said "I didn't know you wrote for the Hairpin." You're all terrible people, all of you.
This is so perfect. I registered just to say, this is so perfect.
I'm in love. I just read this whole thing aloud to my mother.
Well-played. I love you. And I don't. Forever. And not forever. Are you me? am I you? I melted into your words like the American River into the Sacramento, and then the Delta that holds the outer burbs of Sanfrancisco, where I am from. My mom Knows nothing, but she writes the checks-making this life possible. I love her and I hate her like I always have.