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nonvolleyball

a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball-machine parts

By cat1788 on The Weirdest Beauty Tips I Learned From My Mom

Is that dude ELVIS?

Posted on May 6, 2015 at 7:33 am 1

By fb10101340239401501 on Going For The Burn: Revisiting Jane Fonda's Workouts

This is a true story:

When I was four, my mother had the Jane Fonda workout, and I would do it with her. I would stand next to her and try all the moves, twists, turns. The only problem was: I was four, and wasn't really great at taking direction; if Jane Fonda moved to the left, I would mirror her and move to my right, and so on.

So, one evening, my mom and I were exercising to a Jane Fonda tape. Jane Fonda swirled her hips to the side, and said "Turn to the right!" My mother turned to the right. I turned to the left.

We were exercising in the living room, which had a section of wall that protruded outward, with two corners jutting into the room. It was one of these corners that I connected with, after my mother's hip, moving in the opposite direction of mine, collided with me.

I woke up in the passenger seat, blood trickling down from my forehead. I had hit the wall head-on. I was woozy, out of it, but I remember my mother, panicked, saying it was going to be okay.

She took me into the emergency room, and the attending nurses pulled me aside as soon as I was signed in. After all, a four-year-old child with a gaping head wound might have just experienced serious domestic abuse, and they needed to know. One of them took a warm cloth and began to wipe blood from my cheek and forehead, and spoke to me softly.

"Are you feeling okay, honey?" he asked.

"Yes." I was still light-headed, but tried to look him in the eye.

"Can you tell us how this happened?" The nurses loomed over me, waiting for some horrible news. I nodded, solemnly, and replied:

"Jane Fonda."

Posted on May 5, 2015 at 10:42 pm 5

By Jolie Kerr on The Ultimate Guide To Wearing A Jumpsuit

Girl, no. I'm made up entirely of middle, a jumpsuit is not happening on this figure. Take your pear-shaped privilege and stick it in your jumpsuit.

Posted on April 30, 2015 at 4:39 pm 3

By Jolie Kerr on My 90s/00s Beauty Trends: Where Are They Now?

I live in a constant state of fear and panic at the thought of a MAC Lip Glass revival.

Posted on April 23, 2015 at 10:56 am 1

By 22368026@twitter on My 90s/00s Beauty Trends: Where Are They Now?

The Bonnebell lipstick slidey cases used what I believed then and still believe now to be some kind of mindboggling engineering witchcraft. Remember it making me feel like I was in Lost In Space/Gattaca/Hackers/Tomorrow Never Dies.

Posted on April 22, 2015 at 4:35 pm 2

By truelove on 32 Feelings & Then Some: An Inquiry into the Non-Legacy of Ani DiFranco

man this hits hard. i do think the greater number of outspoken queer musicians around these days does have a lot to do with it! (also that righteous retreat thing-- some sort of disconnect on her part manifesting there). maybe even just the broader acceptance of queerness is a part of her aging out though. when i listened to her in college (and secretly in high school) it was this key mode of self-identification (like watching the L word). It drew us homos together, made me feel a part of things before i could really be part of a queer community. i mean, i also just liked her. but i'm afraid listening to her now will punch me too hard in the chest. let's find out!

(broad city abbi shouting "i'm not a mom!" comes to mind here)

thanks, you guys.

Posted on April 20, 2015 at 1:08 pm 4

By FlufferNutter on 32 Feelings & Then Some: An Inquiry into the Non-Legacy of Ani DiFranco

This. Is. AMAZING! I became a hardcore Ani-phile in high school and still listen to her early work quite often. But I admit to burning out and not really paying attention to anything post Revelling/ Reckoning. I think your observations are spot-on: the lack of growth in her music and politics, the cringe-worthy decision-making she sometimes employs, etc. I find myself feeling this way about a lot of artists these days, like their best work is behind them no matter how much we wish it weren't so. (Also, clown cones forever!)

Posted on April 20, 2015 at 12:58 pm 2

By Lucienne on My Mother's Child

writer based in Toronto interested in culture, identity and things that make people cry.

Well. Good job.

Posted on April 7, 2015 at 1:54 pm 2

By 335156311@twitter on Tits By Any Other Name Something Something

@Vipros that is an A+ joke. Adding it to my repertoire of "nerdy word jokes that will bewilder most people," aka my favorite kind of jokes

Posted on March 20, 2015 at 1:44 pm 1

By Vipros on Tits By Any Other Name Something Something

this has reminded me of a joke:

how do you titillate an ocelot?

you oscillate its tits a lot

Posted on March 20, 2015 at 6:46 am 1