a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball-machine parts

On "Rebounding," Internet Dating, and Oppressive Monogamous Conditioning

this is the second column in a row where I've gone to the Hairpin earlier in the day hoping for a new AQC, gotten disappointed that there wasn't one, & then seemingly magically willed a the latest installment into existence. if that's my superpower, I'll take it.

Posted on December 10, 2014 at 5:36 pm 0

On First Date Mad Libs

combine this with my deep commitment to only using filthy &/or absurd words for Mad Libs, & you've basically got a StraightWhiteBoysTexting generator.

Posted on December 10, 2014 at 4:50 pm 0

On The League of Ordinary Ladies: How Was Your Summer?

I've been waiting to get on a real computer to experience this properly after I saw it pop up on my phone, & I kept forgetting. but--belatedly--congrats! & oh my god, this made me excited for summer again.

Posted on December 2, 2014 at 10:28 am 0

On Better Security Questions

these are all great. my least-favorite is when sites ask "favorite color"--because I'm a goddamn adult, & accordingly I don't have a favorite color anymore.

(the best are when you can write your own. I was able to recover the years-old password for my alma mater's employment page because I still remembered the inside joke I repurposed as a security question.)

Posted on November 4, 2014 at 4:00 pm 0

On A Cool Hip Writer Who Has Definitely Had Sex Profiles Cameron Diaz

@Katie McCarthy@facebook yes. & I especially love that this installment portrays Cameron Diaz about as accurately as I can imagine--initially willing to roll with the weirdness, but quickly fed up.

Posted on October 23, 2014 at 10:49 am 0

On "Too Many" Straight Friends, Hiding Your Sex Tools, and Life in the Queer Lane

@muddgirl yeah, but I get hives at the thought of my parents encountering an entire box of my "sex stuff."

then again, when they visited our new apartment for the first time, one of the very first thing my mother did was throw open the bedroom closet to see how big it was, so...

Posted on October 17, 2014 at 2:06 pm 0

On The Best Time I Worked At Hot Dog On A Stick

I can't hear the name of that restaurant without thinking of the Eels song "Grace Kelly Blues": "The kid in the mall works at what dog on a stick / His hat is a funny shape his heart is a brick / Taking your order he will look away / He doesn't have a thing to say." sad that that song will be anachronistic now.

also, I as well got a late-adolescent navel piercing with the help of a (slightly) older friend. sadly, my job back then was cashiering at Kohl's, & my unbreakable habit of letting merchandise slide against my stomach as I was putting it into bags didn't work well with that new accoutrement. (RIP, nonvolleyball's bellybutton ring, 2002–2002.)

Posted on October 8, 2014 at 12:00 pm 0

On Stories Like Passwords

"An abusive relationship is a closed loop. So is a professional network. So is the patriarchy."

...that floored me (& it takes a lot for a line to stand out in this generally flawless piece). thank you.

Posted on October 8, 2014 at 11:30 am 3

On Lessons My Closet Taught Me

I'll admit, I started reading this rolling my eyes a little at the description of your big closet, thinking it'd be superficial fashion porn. but it wasn't, & I'm glad I stayed--I'm a nostalgic clothes-hanger-onto too, & this was a really great read.

Posted on October 1, 2014 at 5:51 pm 0

On Carry That Weight: The Revival of Feminist Performance Art

this is amazing. I'm so impressed by Sulkowicz, & I'm grateful to have learned more about her work in its broader art-historical/activism context.

Posted on September 30, 2014 at 3:03 pm 0