On Depression, Mothers-in-Law, Friendzones

@Danzig! yeah, that's a great idea. Imprisoning all survivors of trauma in Guantanamo Bay. Who do you want to send there first, the surivors of child sex abuse, or the domestic violence survivors?

Posted on March 24, 2013 at 9:13 am 0

On Boyfriends' Mothers, "Compassion," and Les Misérables

Wow. Just wow. The response to LW1 made me so crazy angry I couldn't even read the rest of the column. There's advice that I disagree with, and then there's advice I think is a disgusting thing to tell another person, and this falls into the latter category.

Let me break it down for you, Dude and Lady (mostly a Lady, since these are quotes from her):

"She has to give him a blow job, obviously, right?"

1. She doesn't "have" to give anybody a blowjob, including her husband. She doesn't "have" to do anything sexually she doesn't want to do. There is this thing called "consent". "Consent" means that you get to choose what sex things you do based on whether or not you want to do them. "Consent" has nothing to do with society's expectations of what you will do in a certain relationship context.

"sometimes you accidentally marry someone who thinks dicks are gross"

2. LWI never said she thinks dicks are gross. For all we know, she's quite enjoying her sex life with her husband, she hasn't said anything negative other than that she's having difficulty with the idea of blowjobs. You're stereotyping her because she didn't have sex before marriage, because she's religious and because she thinks that blowjobs sound gross. Just a thought: maybe she likes peen (she did marry a dude, after all) but the thought of beejs is squicking her out a little? Maybe those two states of mind can coexist?

"I think this marriage can be saved."

What the fucking fuck, seriously. What makes you think this marriage is on the rocks? There's nothing in LW1s relationship to suggest it's a major issue. Her partner seems understanding and doesn't want her to do anything she is uncomfortable with. All there is is your own assumption that blowjobs are an essential part of a married heterosexual relationship. Allow me to deliver unto you an earth-shattering revelation: not every dude and lady needs to do the same things in bed as every other dude and lady. For you it might be a beej or a divorce, for these two it may not be a dealbreaker.

Seriously, Hairpin, I would love to know why you thought this article was fit to publish. I honestly think it's an irresponsible way to respond to someone who is earnestly asking for help as they explore their sexuality.

Posted on January 27, 2013 at 7:47 pm 24

On Unprecedented Dishonesty

Oh god! This is timely. I'm up late in Australia writing and re-writing my speech for a wedding tomorrow. At least it won't be as bad as that poem!!

Posted on August 31, 2012 at 11:19 am 3

On Filed Nails, When to Move, and the Coded Mixtape

@Chesh said no one, ever.

Posted on August 15, 2012 at 10:22 am 1

On Filed Nails, When to Move, and the Coded Mixtape

LW4, I guess I have to ask how attracted to your boyfriend do you feel physically? Like do his boy bits turn you on? Do you love the way his body feels when you hold one another? Do you ever catch your breath because damn, he's beautiful?

Human sexuality is mysterious and wonderful, and it's quite possible that you're completely into this guy but that for some reason it's the thought of ladies that get you over the edge while you're doing it. At the same time though, you say that you love and care for this guy, but you don't talk about whether you're attracted to his body as well as his awesome personality. It doesn't sound like the sex is great and he's hot but you have these recurring intrusive fantasies about women. It sounds like pretending you're in a lesbian sex bedroom is what makes your own straight sex bedroom tolerable.

If that's the case then I know it's going to be really hard for both of you, and I really feel for you... but remember that you deserve to be with someone who turns you on and is turned on by you, and also, that so does he.

Posted on August 15, 2012 at 10:18 am 3

On Anne-Marie Slaughter on Family and Career, and Actually Having Both

@datalass you can let 9 and 10 patronise you - River Song and 11 are more my style :)

@CountessMaritza looks like someone has hit on the plot line for season 7!

Posted on June 22, 2012 at 10:36 am 0

On Anne-Marie Slaughter on Family and Career, and Actually Having Both

@Genghis Khat next time it happens I'll be sure to retort "why don't you build a time travelling police box and then you can tell me how my life is going to play out".

Because, I will let anyone who can build a TARDIS patronise me. Though only a little. For a short period of time.

Posted on June 21, 2012 at 12:01 pm 6

On Anne-Marie Slaughter on Family and Career, and Actually Having Both

@Mira my favourite bit is when someone tells me I'll understand how important it is when I finally have children of my own.

Posted on June 21, 2012 at 11:50 am 7

On Anne-Marie Slaughter on Family and Career, and Actually Having Both

@bananagram yeah good point. To someone like me who came to feminist consciousness around 2005 the feminism they talk about is just alien.

It's interesting when the media talks about feminism being dead. Maybe a lot of stuff that came out of the second wave actually is dead. But there's a vibrant feminism that came to life after that time that is still going strong and that isn't really recognised as 'feminism' for the purposes of media beatups.

Posted on June 21, 2012 at 11:43 am 2