By mirepoix on Danielle Steel on being asked if she's "still" writing: "I think it is something that only men do to only women, and not just to me"
Not to deny that this is indeed something that happens and that it often reflects an inherently sexist mindset on the part of the questioner, but in this instance the question doesn't really seem that unreasonable to me. I mean, Danielle Steel is a wildly successful author, who I can only imagine has made enormous buttloads of money, and who is nearing the age when one might plausibly think she would be considering retiring and taking it easy for a while. Is it really that strange to wonder if she's still continuing to write? I wouldn't see anything strange about asking that of a male writer in the same situation.
Again, I have no doubt that this is a problem generally -- and in her post Steel lays out plenty of examples of more egregiously condescending and belittling remarks made to her and others -- but sheesh, was it really that silly of a question to ask?
I guess when one has been worn down by a lifetime of this sort of thing it's probably a lot harder to swallow.
Did He Get My Text?
I Guess Meeting For Drinks Wouldn't Hurt
Why Did I Meet That Guy For Drinks?
*this is obviously a boxed set
Let's do an 'Ask a Canadian'.
"Someone cut me off the other day getting out of the elevator at work, and I apologised, but I think a bit too profusely? I'm worried I made them uncomfortable. Next time should I apologise for apologising, or maybe just silently hand them a cookie? Or is that too forward?"
Oh god this happened to me. I recommended my friend go to Blo to get her hair blown out for a party. I've only had great hairdo results there. Hers was a disaster. She has really thick, dark hair and she asked for curls; she got poodle-esque ringlets and she had to fix it herself at home.
I felt TERRIBLE that she blew $40 on a blowout that was so awful. And I feel this overwhelming sense of guilt whenever I go back to Blo, like I'm betraying my friendship solidarity by returning.
Canadian Shame Spiral ftl.
Oh god, this is like when you love a movie and you sit down to watch it with a friend, and you keep looking over at their face to see if they're laughing at the right parts, if they're getting it, and you laugh louder to overcompensate and telegraph just how much you love this movie, and it gets to that one part and you realize, which you never realized before, that that one part is kind of racist/ableist/sexist and you're laughing and it's awkward and it reflects badly on you, like now your friend things you think this bigoted thing is funny but you just never noticed and you oversold it and they're going to think you're a freak and you go to the kitchen under the guise of getting drinks before your heart stops.
No? Just me?
EDITH IS A MONSTER. I don't even know how to arrange my thoughts about this, I don't even know if I can do a ranked list. I want a series of bullet points explaining the various facets and degrees of hotness present on this show. I need like, weighted rankings in various categories. But here is my top five anyway:
1) Gendry can fucking get it and then build me a commemorative metal sculpture so I can cherish the memory afterwards.
2) Ja'quen can get it, then morph into a whole series of hot-ass assassins, all of whom can also get it.
3) Littlefinger is patient, devious, and has probably seen some SHIT in those brothels.
4) The Hound, because god knows I love the miserable sarcastic assholes of this world.
5) Viserys, and I would hate myself afterwards, but not THAT much.
Good heavens, A Lady and just about all of you commenters are miles nicer than I am -- my immediate reaction to this was JUST SEND HIM A LINK TO THIS LETTER AND TELL HIM YOU WROTE IT. It would be a public service, seriously.
@frenz.lo I think a lot of guys (who are not assholes) think they're not appearance-focused because they don't insist that the ladies they like look like mainstream tv beauties. They think they're unique in finding the short girl with glasses and brown hair and slightly crooked teeth to be attractive. The fact that she's an objectively pretty girl who also cultivates her look with attention to detail and style completely passes over their heads. It's baffling but I find it to be true.
I had to have this talk with a very close (male) friend of mine, who I'd noticed had been rather musty-smelling for a while, and had always ignored because you know, not my business, for all I know I might be musty-smelling and he's a rose to everyone else, and oh God the awkwardness. But really, he was getting rank.
So one day, when he was being miserable about not being able to find anyone to cuddle with, I went through several inane suggestions about not having to change, and just finding the right person could take a while, and then finally I went, "you know, I've noticed that sometimes male deodorants aren't very good-smelling to the ladies, because they are all about being manly-man-man stuff. Perhaps we should go shopping tomorrow and I can help you pick up something olfactorily pleasing?"
The second I mentioned "deodorant", he looked up very guiltily, and our eyes met, and we both knew what I was really saying, but he let me prattle anyway.
The next day we went downtown and picked up deodorant, shampoo, and other necessary bathing products, and we did this at Lush, which is just a fun place to go in the first place, and I made the day very very cheerful and it was fun for both of us. And from that day on, he has never been musty-smelling (in my presence, anyway).
"So, you've been hinting around a lot, and outright saying, that you want to find a long-term partner. Are you serious about that?"
"OK, well, I've been thinking about it since (last time you had a similar conversation) and I think there are a few things standing in the way of that that would be easy fixes. You can tell me I'm talking out of my ass when I'm done, but I'm ready to lay 'em on you if you want to hear 'em."
"Full disclosure: I think you're a kind, cool dude. But I think the kind of Ladies you want to end up with are going to be into dudes who kinda... do something with their appearance. I'm not talking full Metro, just the basics -- be clean, keep yourself neat-looking, do something with your hair, wear something non-wrinkly. I feel like if you upped your game about 20% in that department, you'd be more approachable. (Also blah blah practical advice on stuff he doesn't do, like joining a meetup or frequenting the same regular events, also numbers game blah blah.)"