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On The Wall: Lessons From a Family Lawyer

@hairpin2

I thought she meant the proceedings were a blur in her memory, not at the time -- you know, adrenalin, elapsed time, inevitable decay of memory.

But yes -- that comment about did Darlene know she had ruined her lawyer's weekend! oy vey.

Posted on February 25, 2014 at 7:11 pm 0

On Ask a Clean Person About Her New Book: A Conversation With Jolie Kerr

I love the tone you take in your writing! Looking forward to the book, and here's hoping that you come up with a new and different idea one of these days for readers back on the Hairpin, not just Deadspin/Jez!

Posted on February 24, 2014 at 2:46 pm 0

On Thoughts I Had at Naked Yoga

i am very fond of the illustration. samasthiti!

Posted on February 7, 2014 at 10:23 am 0

On A Bold Notion for Baby Showers

@snowmentality

that's a great idea! it's worked well for other people i know, to just not tell others the gender (and you can even pretend you didn't find out, if you don't want to be confrontational with people who demand to know).

The gender police are so tiresome! I've especially never understood the diaper bag business -- all my boyfriends before, up to, and including my husband, have all been so much better at packing shit they need to take around with them than I have, and they have always tended to take care of me rather than the reverse -- you know, making sandwiches or snacks, remembering to pack a blanket for when we sit on the grass, that sort of thing. Being attuned to that sort of thing definitely does not go automatically along with gender! I never expected but always valued that in them. It would be a nightmare to suddenly be expected to be "that part" of the couple all of a sudden. Keeping your baby alive and happy is enough of a challenge without worrying about who's carrying the diaper bag (and if there is time to worry about all that, then maybe babies are easier than people make them out to be).

Posted on February 5, 2014 at 9:33 am 1

On A Bold Notion for Baby Showers

@Bess
Well, no. It's not necessarily "patriarchal" to hold onto your birth name. Changing your name has a lot of profound practical implications, ranging from relatively benign like changing your Social Security Card to very difficult, like trying to establish a new professional reputation under a totally new name (especially if you do something like publish under your name). Why change your name in the middle of your life? That's the point.

Most children have their father's last name given to them at birth, but it's certainly not universal; some have their mother's surname. I know a number of people with their mothers' surnames. Keeping your own name is the point, not changing it midstream -- and since 50% of marriages end in divorce, imagine how great it is for friends and for your career when you change it more than once.

Finally, my father got his surname from his father; it's not "his" anymore than it is the property of other members of our family, including me -- as @cuminafterall said up above. The idea that it's not legitimately mine but still "belongs" to him -- is really sad. I mean, if you don't like your surname of your father, change it at any point, including well before you get married, but connecting it to marriage is just unnecessary and links you back to a very bad old tradition where women were "covered" by their husbands and not considered independent legal persons post marriage (and had fewer rights than widows or even spinsters).

Posted on February 5, 2014 at 9:26 am 1

On A Bold Notion for Baby Showers

@shantasybaby
But that's exactly the thing… women are totally bored at baby showers too. So why do women have to do it but men don't/shouldn't/aren't supposed to? Particularly when making the guest list women-only makes it even more uncomfortable for a lot of women -- it becomes this thing where you feel like you have to perform your femininity, regardless of how you feel & regardless of how you might actually want to express your support of the mother and new baby?

Posted on February 5, 2014 at 9:13 am 0

On Friday Open Thread

@ru_ri
Rookie is totally right about the tripartite pizza division. (meat, veg, cheese and herb)
Now on to toppings!
I would totally stir rosemary into the tomato sauce for the meat pizzas - it is delicious. Maybe rosemary leeks, bacon/pancetta for those? Or sweet potato & sausage & feta/mozzarella?
For the veg pizza: mushroom & caramelized onion?
have fun! if you are making them yourself, might as well use different (& more delicious!) toppings than the standard pizza-by-the-slice joint, no?

Posted on January 27, 2014 at 10:02 am 0

On America Is Losing at Coffee

@OhMarie

Yes, I'm always curious about this difference -- are there more people in the US who are caffeine-sensitive, or are there just way more suggestions in the culture that you *might* be and it's considered a culturally weird thing to do to offer people coffee in the evening, so it gets reinforced placebo-style?

--from a family where my parents made espresso for everybody after particularly nice dinners once we were old enough, and nobody ever had trouble sleeping after -- we just didn't, it never came up, didn't even think about it.

Posted on January 16, 2014 at 1:25 pm 0

On What If I Am Never Anyone's Shorty, and Other Fears

i hear that L.A. is one of the more difficult places for a women to find herself a shorty, so keep on keepin' on! sounds like you are taking the best and only possible tack in addressing the situation. warm wishes!

for courage and learning to be a better person on one's own alone, i recommend barbara dodson's Cassandra at the Wedding!

Posted on January 13, 2014 at 4:48 pm 0

On On the Brain-Dead Texas Woman Being Kept Alive to Gestate a Fetus

@City_Dater
I could be wrong, but I believe that technically Marlise Munoz is the person accruing debt by being treated by the hospital, so the bills will be in her name. And while you can collect money from a dead person's estate, you can't make inheritors be responsible for a dead person's debt once the assets of the estate are gone. So anything in Marlise Munoz's own name would be wiped out, but it would not be legal to hold the husband or parents liable for the costs. What happens with joint-owned stuff, I don't know, but they would not be liable for her debt -- the hospital would just have to swallow those costs.

Posted on January 8, 2014 at 8:55 pm 0