@lovelettersinhell Haha, I accidentally ended up on that part of the city today! At some point, I really need to learn the difference between I-40 and I-44.
Anyway, I'm down in Norman--I honestly don't know a whole lot of OKC places, besides the Grand House. I don't mind driving, as OKC is full of new and exciting things for me!
@camanda are you me?
No, seriously--that sounds like me a couple months ago. They went ahead and transferred me, I ended up doing really well in my new unit, but my old unit is screwed and they had to hire a new person to take over for me. I still don't think they've been able to fix the problems that happened in the 2mo gap between when I left and when they brought in the new hire last month.
and I don't even want to guess at how many hours I've spent playing Awakening, especially since most of my time now is spent grinding for supports, now even getting through the game itself for the... I think fourth time?
Boiling water constantly works pretty well in my experience--you just have to keep an eye on the pot and make sure it's full. A few years ago when we had a big ice storm that knocked the electricity out, boiling water on our gas stove was the only thing we could do to keep the house warm. The only problem we ending up having was condensation on the walls, but we had two pots of water on the stove every waking hour, so that might have been overkill.
If in doubt, though, you can just get a pot from the thrift store, just in case.
Thank you everyone for your answers! I think part of the reason I'm so concerned is because there was one other person in the conversation when I brought up common law, and her automatic response "Great, they can't get married!", which isn't really what I'm concerned with, haha.
re: questions! I don't think anything major would happen at my job--it's more an issue with my own values, honestly. I live in a town that's surprisingly small, so most everyone knows of some sort of situation that's potentially fraudulent, but a lot of the time, there's not much just one allegation can do. At the same time, one allegation could completely crash someone's life if it's proven true. Overpayments when it comes to Medicaid and Social Security build up real quick and real fast. I don't want him to somehow or other get saddled down with that, especially if the marriage doesn't work out and he's left on his own on a very limited income.
In regards to common law marriage, it is kinda confusing! To be really simple, the only difference between common law marriage and your run of the mill marriage is basically just the license--in my state, it is still considered a legal marriage. These are the major things we look at when considering common law in my state:
1. You must be competent and legally able to be married in the first place. So, for instance, two minors can't be married just because they want to be. You can't be common law with your horse or a close blood relative, and if someone was previously married, currently separated from their previous spouse but never actually divorced, they could not be common law married.
2. They present themselves as being married to the general public. If you refer to yourself as Mr and Mrs Smith, or introduce your spouse as my husband/wife, then you're qualifying under this. This also covers a few other things--like weddings or other very visible celebrations of your nupitals, for instance. And this is often considered a separate point, but goes along with this--your friends and family must consider you married.
As a side note, you can be life partners and we (typically) won't consider common law.
3. Both parties must consent to the marriage. Pretty self explanatory.
4. Both parties must cohabit. Weirdly enough, this may be the most flexible of all of the policies.
There are other things to consider, which do include things like length of time together and whether or not they file taxes jointly. But you don't need to be in a relationship for a certain period of time before you can get a marriage license and be legally married through that route, so it doesn't exactly make sense to ask for a time limit before you can consider someone common law when all of the other conditions are present.
So, considering all these things, you can't just consider a couple who are living together common law married. There have to be conditions present that would otherwise be present in a traditional marriage before we will begin to consider common law. So boyfriend/girlfriend? That's fine. Long term commitment or forever fiances? Okay, we'll take note, but that won't change much. It's just when you take that step into marriage--license or no license--that we have to start considering the other person.
Auuugh, I have an ethical/moral/something dilemma, and I seriously don't know what to do about it. hello tl;dr
A friend of mine is getting married in a few months. He is also applying for disability through Social Security. I was told this last week by the guy's sister that he and his fiancee that they weren't going to apply to get a marriage license was because it would effect his Social Security application... but here's the thing--my state recognizes common law marriage. I know this because I handle Medicaid benefits, and work very closely with Social Security, and have on multiple occasions had to launch investigations of households because of the suspicion that they are holding out as husband and wife.
I'm feeling torn on what to do--if I was talking with one of my clients, I'd definitely tell them to make a fraud report. And that alone I'm not really worried about--if they want to be fraudulent, then they can face the consequences. They are grown adults, after all. But I don't know whether or not I should have a discussion with my friend about this--if I do, I know I need to have it pretty soon.
And then there's this--no one approves of the wedding. At all. Lots of people have been trying to talk the guy out of marrying the girl, and he still wants to go through with it. I don't tell him do/do not marry her because it's his decision, but I'm not entirely sure how to approach the subject without sounding like that. I just want him to know that there are consequences for what they're trying to do, and if they want to get married, fine, but they shouldn't, you know, commit fraud in the process.
Does this even make sense? I don't know. I feel in part like I'm being a tattletale, but then again, they seem to just want to get married without accepting the potential consequences. If I don't report it if they go through with it, I feel like I'd be a huge hypocrite. I don't want to hurt my friends, but at the same time, it isn't fair to my clients if I let some people slide with things that I didn't let others slide by with.
@noodge About ten years ago, I was hit when I was 15--the lady had been trying to beat the yellow light, and I didn't look both ways before crossing. It could have been a lot worse, but I landed pretty well, and my coat and jeans took most of the potential road burn. Apparently,the impact knocked my shoe off, and the paramedics found it a few yards away. Anyway, I was pretty lucky, and I think the person who hit me was a lot more traumatized than I was at the time. But for the next few years, I did have panic attacks if a car came too close to me, and if I heard any loud metallic crashes, I would flashback to what it sounded like when I got hit.
Buuuut, I was thinking about the accident recently, and I realized that my memory of it is a lot fuzzier than it used to be, I'm not as tense when I hear loud crashing sounds, and I haven't had a panic attack in years. SO yeah, being scared of crossing the street is a pretty legit reaction, and it may last for a while or come up in the weirdest ways, but it can be worked through.
ps It may be a good idea to see a doctor, if you can. I do have permanent damage from the accident, though it did take a couple of years to really show up.
Not really medically-knowledgeable, but I'd really doubt that? That's not actually counteracting what the pills are actually doing to the body.
I want to thank the 'Pinners who have shared their OKC experiences--it gave me the courage to go ahead and try it! In the end, no, didn't meet anyone, but that's mostly because I realized that I still don't actually want to be in a relationship. I still feel better for trying, and I wouldn't have had the guts to do it without reading what people here have said.
I'd also like to belatedly flip off my friend who laughed her ass off when I mentioned offhand that I had made a profile there. I hadn't told her for months because I was still a little embarrassed, and she's constantly making fun of anything and anyone on there. wtf.
Anyway, yeah. It was a good experience. Thanks.
There's another new girl at work--I work for a certain state department that issues government benefits. I haven't spoken to her much, despite the fact that she's on my team, but one of my coworkers filled me in on her. She doesn't apparently have much of a work history, graduated with a degree in poli-sci. Before she came to the office, she was apparently was interning for our extremely conservative, not SNAP/TANF/any-other-benefit-friendly governor. Also, she apparently wears a purity ring.
We can't figure out what she's doing at my office?? From what my coworkers have seen from training her and talking to her about our clients, she's not exactly comfortable with being around people who may not be upper or middle class. I'm kinda curious about her now, but I'm afraid that I might end up accidentally showing my trollish side. It's probably best that I just keep keeping to myself, but oooh I'm curious.