I love the types of support communities we can build now, with the internet, with social media. The generations before us didn't have this. You feel a hell of a lot less alone when you find people whose struggles and experiences echo yours from thousands of miles away, especially when the reality that you share is something difficult to talk about with the people who are tangibly close to you.
@DoMark: Anil is right, I cannot argue with your desire to consume bagels.
So you're saying...they have an assload of donkeys?
Did anybody else look at the painting and think of Poe's Hop-Frog?
Not gonna lie, the promise of that kind of will power and unflappable faith in myself makes me want to check out some Scientology books from the library...even after reading this entire series! They offer us such pretty prizes.
1. That gnome tattoo is amazing.
2. That baseball field pic is miiiiiinnnneeeee! GO PHILS!
@mustelid: I just wanna second this. I grew up in a super cluttered house, and I have a hard time parting with stuff because every time I threw away something as a child, my mom got all upset and said, "Ohhh, but don't you still want that?" (She still does it, and I haven't lived at home for years.) It's taken me a long time to recognize the emotional value I give Stuff.
I also become blind to things lying around. Tossed a purse on the couch three days ago? It is now part of the couch. Took off a shirt I wanted to wear again before washing and dropped it next to the bed? It is now part of the floor. Like seriously, I just step around it and IT NEVER REGISTERS THAT IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
My live-in partner is a neat freak and it drives him crazy, so I have taught myself to walk into a room and go, "Ok, what does my partner see when he walks into this room? What looks out of place to him?" And then I pick up a couple things and put them away, and then try it again in the next room. It usually takes me at least three sweeps of our entire apartment, room by room, to pick up all the random stuff I've left all over the place.
"Hey, can you pick up this sock before going to bed" is a perfect way for him to handle it, because then he's 1) letting me know that something's upsetting him, and 2) he's not triggering that same built-in shame of being a sloppy person and the resulting defensiveness. It also gives me an opportunity to address things that I didn't know were upsetting him before he hits the point where he's really angry and annoyed, which sometimes happens because he thinks he's being too demanding and then just doesn't tell me he's still just mildly annoyed.
Also, a gentle "thank you for taking out the trash/washing the dishes/other thing I did not ask you to do" helps me remember that what I do or don't do affects him. And that goes both ways -- I like to hear it, but I also say it, because it keeps me in the mindset of thinking about how my behavior affects him.
Yesssss, you just managed to say so many of the other things I was thinking. And in so many of the threads of conversation we bump into the, "In theory it should be this way and simple" vs. "In reality it's complicated because words and expectations and feeeeeelings and things." And a lot of that is tied up in the language, and how a word technically means this thing, but it's an emotionally loaded word that translates to somebody's identity. You can get as technical as you want and that looks pretty on paper, but you can't in reality separate the language from all the not-in-the-dictionary things that those words mean to so many people.
The idea that taking a general stab at "In general I'd like to date X kinda person" is *discrimination* bugs me. The best we can ever do when describing the kinds of people we tend to be attracted to -- which I don't think we can much help -- is to generalize.
It's discrimination to hire somebody based on their color/sex/religion/body/economic status/etc. It's discrimination to refuse to do business with someone based on their color/sex/religion/body/economic status/etc. Or treat them like shit or harass them for that reason. Or anything like that. People have the right to be treated equally by the law, by businesses, and generally treated with respect by the community, whatever their color/sex/religion/body/economic status/etc.
But who I date? If I have a type, or find one person attractive and another not? Nobody has the right to be attractive to me. Nobody has the right to be a person that I will date or want to date.
I mean, when I discriminate against people who want to date me , IT COULD BE because I'm racist, or classist, or weight-ist, or whatever. In which case, even if you're somebody who meets my standards, you might want to just tell me to fuck off.
BUT it could just be that I have certain things that I am attracted to, and certain things that I want in a partner, or out of my shared life with a potential partner. And having a set of standards or expectations for who I want to date, when some people meet those standards and some do not, isn't necessarily a bad thing, or make me a bad person.
TL;DR: I don't think being choosy about who you date, or being attracted or not attracted to someone, is the same thing as being an -ist asshole.
...Hopefully that comes across as I mean it.
Me next, me next, pick me!
My air conditioner is full of mildew or mold or something. It's in the blowy vents, not on the screen (which I clean pretty obsessively). It looks like little black spots.
I don't know if I should spray it with bleach water or vinegar water. And I don't know how to get in there with anything to scrub.
Anyone? It's a really nice, 2-year-old AC unit and I'd rather fix it than toss it.