On What is the Very Last Thing a Woman Wants to See in Bed?

Oh, youngsters, it's WigglyTuff, not Wigglypuff. This is very important. And yeah, Snorlax and Jigglypuff are totally welcome to nap with me.

Posted on April 19, 2015 at 11:14 pm 0

On Signs I Want You To Leave My House After I've Hosted You for Dinner

Muslim fanaticism! What a funny joke!

Posted on March 21, 2014 at 2:48 am 1

On Teenage Girls, as Imagined By an 8-Year-Old in 1991

It looks like Jessica's boyfriend might be Thomas, misspelled as "Tohmas."

Posted on December 29, 2013 at 12:22 am 0

On Alternate Theories to Explain the Greenwich Anteater's Immaculate Conception

Not to deny the miraculous mystery of all this, but the Immaculate Conception refers to Mary's being conceived without original sin (because the vessel that is to gestate Our Lord must be pure). What you're thinking of is the Virgin Birth, which doesn't really apply here because, from what I gather, Armani and Alf have been doing the deed for some time now. (No slut-shaming! Just an observation.)

12 years of Catholic school are good for something, I guess.

Posted on May 17, 2013 at 5:34 pm 0

On Other People's Kids, Homes

I am childless and I live alone. I have friends in a nearby city whom I like to visit very frequently. There came a time, I guess when I was around 35 (rather old, now that I think of it), that I realized I was too old to expect people to subsidize my vacations by letting me stay in their homes. Get a hotel. If you cannot afford a hotel, then stay home and wait for someone to INVITE you for a visit. (Besides, hotels are great. You don't have to make the bed and you can watch tv all night without worrying about disturbing anyone).

Posted on May 7, 2013 at 3:46 pm 0

On Like a (Book) Virgin

I have commented on TheHairpin.com maybe twice in my life, but had to add my regrets to those of the Lady of Shalott. I wish I had not read the Painted Bird when I was 13. I'd read other Holocaust memoirs (Diary of Anne Frank, of course, and also Jack Kuper's Child of the Holocaust), which made me think I could handle the Painted Bird, esp. since it was fiction. I was wrong. Parts of it still haunt me.

I wish I could read Watership Down by Richard Adams for the first time again. Or Sabriel by Garth Nix. Or Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising.

Posted on December 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm 0

On Eat Food. Not Red Meat. Mostly Nuts.

Eating more nuts will absolutely not decrease one's mortality if one is, like me, deathly allergic to nuts! I will take the slow death of a tasty steak, thank you.

Posted on March 13, 2012 at 10:56 pm 2