@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose This is all really, really solid stuff. My current relationship of 3ish years has been long distance some of the time. We lived 1.5 hours apart for a lot of the beginning, and then we were spoiled with a year of living 15 minutes apart, and now we're both in school (I'm getting my MLIS and he's in his first semester of law school) 40+ minutes apart. Which isn't a lot, I know, and we do see each other every weekend. But it FEELS pretty hard (I think the law school aspect is a big part of that). One thing that we do that helps is every Sunday (or day that we are leaving each other for the week), we fill out a page of a shared journal (It's a keel's simple diary, so it's fun) and then take a few minutes to sit in separate spaces and write each other a note. We don't read the notes until we're alone. It's a really nice exercise for me to think about why I appreciate him and why I choose to be with him every day and to put it down on paper. And it's super-nice to read what he has to tell me, and to look back at it if during the week I'm stressed about school and he's in class and can't talk.
@staircases Roughly five years of my current seven-year relationship were spent either at long or middle distance, so here is what I've learned:
- Setting up predetermined times to chat (wake up, before falling asleep) helps, and if one or the other cannot make the call, they tell the other beforehand via text or call
- Weekends when you do get to see each other feel like magical fairyland time, but it's important to remember with the intense up comes the extreme down of leaving. Don't make major decisions in the down time.
- Hand-written letters are worth their weight in space diamonds
- Delivered flowers (or food from a fave restaurant) goes a loooong way
- Simple things, like handholding, take on new importance when you do finally get to be together, so enjoy
- This shit is hard. Like, really hard. And there's no shame is saying out loud, "This is so hard, Boyfriend. I don't want to put any pressure on you, but I'm struggling, man." He'll probably tell you the same, and then you can be on the same page about how hard it is, instead of letting it compile and turn into resentment for the other person (how DARE he be away from me, you'll wonder at low times)
- Good luck. If you're really into each other, you can make it work. Everyone always tells us LDRs are for the birds, but it worked for me.
aiiiii I just started dating someone I think I really like and that last one. THAT LAST ONE
@staircases Surprise mail is always good! Mix CDs and homemade jam got my partner and I through a year apart. Distance is awful, but you can get through this!
By up cubed on Friday Open Thread
Agreed, I like to do a phone call on my way into or out of work each day. It makes the commute more fun and the regularity is good. I personally get freaked out when I want something to happen, but I don't know if/when it will, so sometimes I'll just turn off my phone or close my email.
@deathcabforcutes I third this idea! my long-distance bestie and I have just started trying this after finally saying no to sporadic week-long text conversations that went "no wait when are yoooouuuuu free for a phone date?"
By sayevet on Friday Open Thread
@emsiela I like this idea. I have a friend who lives in another province and we only talk a couple of times a month but it always takes 1-2 hours to catch up each time. Shorter and more frequent talks will work in your favour!
By emsiela on Friday Open Thread
@staircases I find it helpful to not assume that if you call each other, it has to be for a long time. A five-minute phone call is much better than no contact for three days. But if your guy isn't a phone person... you could try to talk at the same (quick) time every day?
By lora.bee on How to Boil Eggs
Lefou, I'm afraid I've been thinking
A dangerous pasti-
By JanieS on How to Boil Eggs
@Jolie Kerr I don't even know how to talk to you; it's like you're speaking Farsi.