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On On Radical Feminism vs Letting a Trans Person Be

@cruelshy I have a friend that's been leaning this way for a few months now and it's so hard to be around her. I don't understand how she can sustain that amount of hate in her head at once. It makes it so hard to be around her because she also has bought into the idea that women are so oppressed that they can't make real choices for themselves (especially choices that she happens to not agree with) and so I have to deal with her judging or pitying me for everything.

Posted on July 28, 2014 at 5:20 pm 0

On On Radical Feminism vs Letting a Trans Person Be

@jfruh @Jia Tolentino So basically the way it's been explained to me (mind you, this isn't something I agree with at all) is this: that transwomen were socialized as men, because of that they will always have that socialization and privilege, and that sexism and male privilege is the worst form of oppression so transwomen need to be kept out of 'female' spaces.

However, this doesn't take into account the fact that many trans women internalize messages about women from a young age (because they know they're women even if others don't), the effect that the age of transition has, the fact that out trans women experience all kinds of discrimination now, even if they maybe didn't when they were 5, the fact that upholding sexism as the highest form of oppression negates the experiences of women who also have to deal with other kinds of oppression, sometimes even from other women...

I mean I could go on but the point is the logic doesn't hold up unless you are trying really hard to erase trans womens experiences. For example I've heard TERFs say things like that trans women only experience oppression because they are women which completely erases the fact that trans women are raped, murdered, and commit suicide at much higher rates than cis women. Honestly a lot of it is really fucked up.

In my experience the TERFS that I've personally met tend to have a lot of trouble grasping the privileges that they do have. Particularly in the TERF community (especially on the internet, where the ability to reblog stuff lets things spread really fast and also can allow you to opt out of engaging with real people in real life that may not fit neatly into your ideology) there's this huge culture of fear that gets stirred up. Like I had someone tell me that if you don't wear makeup everyday everyone will think you are trash (I wasn't wearing makeup at the time) and that if you do x y and z thing and step out of line you will be attacked (where x y and z where harmless things I do all the time like not dress well and do various stereotypically male things). There's a lot of weird 'this fear saved me, never leaving my house has kept me from being raped' etc etc kind of stuff..it's a really bizarre and unhealthy community.

Posted on July 28, 2014 at 4:59 pm 0

On On Radical Feminism vs Letting a Trans Person Be

@jfruh Honestly, in my experience, I think a lot of them don't even bother to reconcile it? That's not even getting into how defining who gets to be a woman by very certain types of oppression is often used by cis women to sort of gloss over how even just among cis women not everyone experiences the same kinds of discrimination because of differences in race, ability, class, etc.

Honestly I think a lot of this is just people being transphobic and trying to justify it with really bad logic.

Posted on July 28, 2014 at 4:39 pm 1

On On Radical Feminism vs Letting a Trans Person Be

@cruelshy Honestly, from my interactions with some radical feminists a lot of the logic that TERFS use sounds like when white people fancy themselves to be 'colorblind' and use that as a reason to treat people of color badly for reminding them about race. Race is a social construct just like gender but it's not a reason to be an asshole to someone who's already part of an extremely marginalized group of people.

I think a lot of it comes from really outdated notions about the gender binary, and when people don't fit squarely into that it makes people uncomfortable and it's easier to lash out at someone who's already heavily discriminated against than at the patriarchy, which, unlike trans people, is actually responsible for these gender roles and stereotypes.

Posted on July 28, 2014 at 4:32 pm 1

On How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Second Wedding

@Sea Ermine Thanks! I was excited to click on it.

Posted on June 30, 2014 at 4:04 pm 0

On How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Second Wedding

The link in the second paragraph is broken.

Posted on June 30, 2014 at 12:18 pm 0

On Ask a Clean Person: The Smoker's Dilemma

@DrFeelGood @joliekerr This is insanely late (like 3 years late) but I was rereading old posts to prep for a upcoming home cleaning and I wanted to add that you can put the vodka in a spray bottle and add a few drops of lavender essential oil and not only will it get rid of the smoke it will make your clothes smell amazing. This is also good for an upholstery refresher (I spritz my couch with it weekly when I flip the cushions) and great for spritzing on your duvet while it airs out at home when you're at the laundromat washing the covers.

Posted on May 4, 2014 at 3:29 pm 0

On Impress Her With a Clean Bong

@Jolie Kerr I preordered it and I'm so excited!! I also wanted to say that #yocp has been really helping me get my apartment on track and de-filthified

Posted on February 23, 2014 at 5:34 pm 0

On The Beauty Bridge

@j-i-a Aerie's boyshort underwear are the only kind I've found (in years of looking) that are comfortable, flattering on my (pear shape) body, and cover enough that I never have to shave wax or trim my ladygarden and no one can see (unless I want them to).

Posted on February 10, 2014 at 11:39 pm 0

On What I've Learned From Three Years Without Shampoo

@Kitekatze castile soap is also very basic, and unfortunately making it more neutral or even acidic would cause the oil and water to separate. I bet there are other gentle solutions (either neutral or mildly acidic) that can be mixed up though. I wish I still had that Klutz book about making your own bath products!

ooh and also I read about this mud wash recently? I don't know the ph so it might not be any better but it's a think to look into. you can either make your own by mixing rhassoul or bentonite clay with oils, or you can buy one from somewhere like terresentials.

Posted on January 22, 2014 at 9:37 pm 0