Quantcast

On Self-Care, in Theory and Practice

@KilgoreTrout I don't know if it was just a decision the author's made, but if there was a reason behind it it might be that not having a supportive partner in your life makes life harder which may necessitate a bigger need for self care?

If you live alone and pay your rent and bills by yourself and do all your cleaning by yourself and run your errands by yourself and don't have someone around when you need a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on or even just someone to walk the dog when you'll be home late it might make people feel like they have to keep taking care of everything and working, and reminding oneself that you're worthy of self care (even if there is no one there to tell you you are) is important.

But I don't know if that was the intention of the column or not, it's just a guess.

Posted on November 11, 2014 at 4:49 pm 1

On Self-Care, in Theory and Practice

@KilgoreTrout I don't know if it was just a decision the author's made, but if there was a reason behind it it might be that not having a supportive partner in your life makes life harder which may necessitate a bigger need for self care?

If you live alone and pay your rent and bills by yourself and do all your cleaning by yourself and run your errands by yourself and don't have someone around when you need a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on or even just someone to walk the dog when you'll be home late it might make people feel like they have to keep taking care of everything and working, and reminding oneself that you're worthy of self care (even if there is no one there to tell you you are) is important.

But I don't know if that was the intention of the column or not, it's just a guess.

Posted on November 11, 2014 at 4:49 pm 4

On Sick Days. PTO. Egg-Freezing?

@Jaya I think what makes it extra sketchy is that it's only being offered right now by companies known for their total lack of work life balance and their tendency to offer benefits to make sure their employees never leave.

Like, I love the idea because I know if I have kids it wont be until my late 30s or early 40s.

Not because of my job, but because that is the earliest age I'd be remotely interested in having a child (like, if someone gave me 80 million dollars + a lifetime monthly allowance of 5k for the rest of my life I would quit my job but I would still not have a kid until my late 30s probably). And I have relatives and have had friends who had kids at that age because that's what was best for them. But when something that should be an accessible benefit for all women to help give them more freedom in their reproductive choices is tied only to workplaces, specifically workplaces not known for letting people take time off to have families it makes me feel really weird. I certainly don't want the benefit to go away and I think it's great for those who can use it but I'm not sure if it should go unexamined.

Basically I just wish we had single payer health care and this was part of that along with birth control and abortions and resources and assistance for new mothers (and adoptive mothers!) and whole host of lovely things we definitely don't have.

Posted on November 10, 2014 at 3:35 pm 0

On Nickelodeon's Diversity "Problem" Is That It Likes Diversity

@Kelly O'Brien@facebook Could it be called Laverne Cox Talks??? I would 100% watch that every morning.

Posted on October 7, 2014 at 4:49 pm 2

On Nickelodeon's Diversity "Problem" Is That It Likes Diversity

@Lisa Frank I think Selfie could be really good but right now it's kind of trapped by the fact that it's based on Pygmalion and that really doesn't translate well to 2014 without being wildly offensive. But it's only showed the Pilot so far and pilots are often bad so I'm going to keep watching.

Also honestly 100% of the reason I'm watching it is for John Cho so even if its terrible that might not stop me.

Posted on October 7, 2014 at 1:12 pm 3

On I'm Never Cooking Again (Not That I Ever Cooked Much to Begin With, So There's Been Very Little Change)

@Lisa Frank I think it depends a lot on your neighborhood. For me, groceries in New York are super cheap, cheaper than when I lived in suburban Delaware where the cost of living was technically way lower. I absolutely cannot afford to eat out regularly (even like, food truck/deli sandwiches break my budget).

If I cook at home for $200/month I can get fancy shit (like grass feed meats) but I can also get that down to $100 a month (for all meals) if I plan out my meals and just get regular meats and veggies (a note, I'm really good at grocery shopping and its a hobby so I probably have an edge there regardless of what city I'm in).

For a few months earlier in the year/last fall I would eat out for lunch and even with just cheap deli sandwiches or like halal cart stuff it completely destroyed my budget. I mean even spending $5 a day on a sandwich and a bottle of water is $100 for just lunches, when I prefer to spend closer to $120 on breakfast/lunch/dinner for a month.

But grocery prices vary from neighborhood to neighborhood and that makes a big difference. I think people should do whatever is most affordable and fits with their lifestyle, so if eating out is cheapest then go with that. It's just never been affordable for me : )

Posted on October 1, 2014 at 11:24 am 0

On On Radical Feminism vs Letting a Trans Person Be

@cruelshy I have a friend that's been leaning this way for a few months now and it's so hard to be around her. I don't understand how she can sustain that amount of hate in her head at once. It makes it so hard to be around her because she also has bought into the idea that women are so oppressed that they can't make real choices for themselves (especially choices that she happens to not agree with) and so I have to deal with her judging or pitying me for everything.

Posted on July 28, 2014 at 5:20 pm 0

On On Radical Feminism vs Letting a Trans Person Be

@jfruh @Jia Tolentino So basically the way it's been explained to me (mind you, this isn't something I agree with at all) is this: that transwomen were socialized as men, because of that they will always have that socialization and privilege, and that sexism and male privilege is the worst form of oppression so transwomen need to be kept out of 'female' spaces.

However, this doesn't take into account the fact that many trans women internalize messages about women from a young age (because they know they're women even if others don't), the effect that the age of transition has, the fact that out trans women experience all kinds of discrimination now, even if they maybe didn't when they were 5, the fact that upholding sexism as the highest form of oppression negates the experiences of women who also have to deal with other kinds of oppression, sometimes even from other women...

I mean I could go on but the point is the logic doesn't hold up unless you are trying really hard to erase trans womens experiences. For example I've heard TERFs say things like that trans women only experience oppression because they are women which completely erases the fact that trans women are raped, murdered, and commit suicide at much higher rates than cis women. Honestly a lot of it is really fucked up.

In my experience the TERFS that I've personally met tend to have a lot of trouble grasping the privileges that they do have. Particularly in the TERF community (especially on the internet, where the ability to reblog stuff lets things spread really fast and also can allow you to opt out of engaging with real people in real life that may not fit neatly into your ideology) there's this huge culture of fear that gets stirred up. Like I had someone tell me that if you don't wear makeup everyday everyone will think you are trash (I wasn't wearing makeup at the time) and that if you do x y and z thing and step out of line you will be attacked (where x y and z where harmless things I do all the time like not dress well and do various stereotypically male things). There's a lot of weird 'this fear saved me, never leaving my house has kept me from being raped' etc etc kind of stuff..it's a really bizarre and unhealthy community.

Posted on July 28, 2014 at 4:59 pm 0

On On Radical Feminism vs Letting a Trans Person Be

@jfruh Honestly, in my experience, I think a lot of them don't even bother to reconcile it? That's not even getting into how defining who gets to be a woman by very certain types of oppression is often used by cis women to sort of gloss over how even just among cis women not everyone experiences the same kinds of discrimination because of differences in race, ability, class, etc.

Honestly I think a lot of this is just people being transphobic and trying to justify it with really bad logic.

Posted on July 28, 2014 at 4:39 pm 1

On On Radical Feminism vs Letting a Trans Person Be

@cruelshy Honestly, from my interactions with some radical feminists a lot of the logic that TERFS use sounds like when white people fancy themselves to be 'colorblind' and use that as a reason to treat people of color badly for reminding them about race. Race is a social construct just like gender but it's not a reason to be an asshole to someone who's already part of an extremely marginalized group of people.

I think a lot of it comes from really outdated notions about the gender binary, and when people don't fit squarely into that it makes people uncomfortable and it's easier to lash out at someone who's already heavily discriminated against than at the patriarchy, which, unlike trans people, is actually responsible for these gender roles and stereotypes.

Posted on July 28, 2014 at 4:32 pm 1