Printed word addict, obsessive television watcher, and home cook extraordinaire (but only on Tuesdays).
Grown Ass Woman (or G.A.W. because I use it so much) is my primary self identifier, before mother, wife, human, activist, witch, etc. It's a great little empowering fuck you to a society that wants to define me solely by my relationships to men, for me. And it's so goddamn satisfying to use in a heated argument!
This is honestly the first "Ask Baba Yaga" that ever meant anything to me, and it means a lot. The bit quoted by Jocasta Carr up above.
this absolutely gutted me, in the best possible way.
Oh my GOD this is good. "Happiness is a thing that passes through you, not a thing you meet and hold in your deathly grip forever afterwards" is somehow exactly what I needed to hear. Happiness is not the end goal, because it isn't guaranteed no matter what your circumstances are, and because it's a constantly evolving state of being, not a static thing you can hang on to. This column is seriously one of my favorite things the Hairpin has ever produced.
@daisicles Now that the mod connection has been made, I'm assuming that means "Last Chance (to pull off that million dollar heist)".
@chickpeas akimbo Just wait until Natalie has kids. Then when a friend mentions being happy, she'll look at them with her wise, tired, mother's eyes, and say "Girl, being a mommy will bring a new you out of you." Or maybe "Girl, the person you love will bring a new baby out of you."
In the arms of an angel...
By peasofmind on "Smile, Girl"
I'm not asking you to defend Paglia, don't worry. Part of patriarchy is the assumption of male behavior (I'm just calling it masculine-coded behavior because it's not exactly that simple) as the default, and holding male behavior up as what women should aspire to. There's an implicit value judgment there, which says that men's behavior is right and good, and women's behavior is a deviation. Who's to say that assertiveness is "better" than niceness? There are advantages and disadvantages to both, and saying that women need to just "man up" (so to speak) is an enforcement of patriarchal values.
I also think that talking about men being responsible for women's behavior when it comes to rape is HARDLY an accurate assessment of what most feminists mean when we talk about fighting rape culture. The current default is the opposite of that (the culture blames women for men's actions), and we're asking that men be held responsible for their own behavior.
I mean this is the nicest possible terms, but it's kind of sounding like a productive conversation isn't going to be possible here, so you'll forgive me for not engaging further with you.
@leonstj Well-spoken British men with deep baritones do ... something to a certain percentage of the female population. See also: Alan Rickman.
@daisicles High five, my bigfooted sister. You probably know this, but Nordstrom carries some nice shoes in a 12! I almost got a pair of taupe ankle boots at Nordstrom Rack this fall before realizing that the pair that fit me well wasn't real suede.