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On The Sumangali Girls in India Who Spin the Yarn for Our Cheap-Ass Sweaters

Fuck. This. Companies like H&M CHOOSE not to extend their contractual influence all the way down the supply chain to the mills - probably because it would end up costing them more to care about who their garment factories contract with. As it says in the article, western brands call the shots, and they could be a lot more rigorous about how they monitor and enforce labor standards within their entire chain of production. But of course they don't, and girls in the third world end up exploited and raped so girls in the first world can look cute for $15 on a friday night in something they won't keep for more than a few months. sick sad world.

Posted on December 2, 2013 at 5:07 pm 2

On The New SAHM

repost from what i wrote at the nymag website. seriously, fuck this article.

This article was so incredibly heavy handed - the fact that the author cited probably one of the dumbest "scientific" studies of the last few years (which draws a "correlation" between men doing less chores and having more sex) makes that abundantly clear. Also, way to present a completely heteronormative perspective that drew on the experiences of three or four presumably white, upper middle class straight women. I get the feeling the author is living in a pretty limited world, and so instead of a story on how ideas about marriage and family are ACTUALLY evolving, we get one on privileged white women who are apparently feeling less bad about using said privilege. And they should make the choices that fulfill them, whatever they are, but a woman whose husband earns six figures deciding to stay home is not exactly a newsflash to me.

Also, feminism failed, you say? Lisa Miller, you must just be blinded by your classist, limited worldview, which I am sorry for. It still hasn't even reached certain parts of our world.

Posted on March 18, 2013 at 10:15 pm 5

On Boyfriends' Mothers, "Compassion," and Les Misérables

I wrote an advice column for my college paper and errythang, check it.

1) Yes, the answer is to give your husband a blowjob. Your decision to wait until marriage to have sex for religious reasons probably does play into your reluctance to go down on a dude - you just aren't comfortable with sex in general, probably. Oral sex is mainly about making your partner feel good and turned on, and you're going to have to undo the psychological patterns of years of actively avoiding creating boner situations in order to be turned on by them/ want to put your mouth on them. But seriously, it just comes down to: if you're receiving happily, you best start giving. Otherwise you're in the camp of douche bro one night stands who "just don't do..that".

2) What does Les Mis have to do with Occupy?! People stood up for a cause, but ended up losing the "battle", but hopefully it will spark some real change in a few years? Or something? Probably just buy it, it'll be like $5 more than seeing it again.

3) I think the main frustration here is that you're seeing your awesome female friends alter their potentially awesome life-arcs in order to be with sub-par guys. To which I say, it happens, and there is nothing you can do about it. This is a subject that comes up quite frequently in the annals of hairpin advice, and every time, the answer is: give your opinion on the sub-par person if asked about them (kindly, gently, but honestly!) but otherwise, keep your mouth shut. Part of your frustration may lie in the fact that you see these friends becoming more distant from you (literally and figuratively) by prioritizing their relationship - you'll have to ask yourself where that anxiety stems from. In the end, your own happiness is all you need worry about, those friends will learn their lessons in their own way.

4) This is an easy one. Why on earth is your boyfriend not involved in these outings?! I just don't understand that at all. Make sure he's invited to the next lunch or movie, and he'll probably realize where you're coming from when you tell him you just don't have the time to hang out with his mom 24/7. And really, don't feel bad about declining her invitations due to having other plans. Maybe your tendency to accept has given her the idea that you don't have a whole lot going on, and you should change that misconception right-quick.

5) Crazy attracts crazy, that's why! Also see: some of the relationships featured in the reality television program Teen Mom. It's just insane. You're not crazy, you've had some relationships, you're probably an awesome person who might be picky or just don't have the chance to meet new people often. I'd say, although I'm skeptical about recommending online dating, you'll certainly find some like-minded people there, so you may want to give that a go. Or just...get another cat? Crazy cat ladies 4 lyfe. If you get enough of them you might get to be on Animal Hoarders, which is basically Intervention.

I should totally start writing advice columns again, right??!! don't hate.

Posted on January 26, 2013 at 1:05 am 2

On Shared Spaces, Lie-Measurement, and the Manageable Hassle

I'm pretty grossed out by the perpetuation of this "train your husband" rhetoric that you're buying into here! I'm pretty grossed out by the institution of marriage in general but what I CANNOT STAND are people (like shamu article writer lady for the consistently dated and poorly written modern love column) who regard their partner as somehow NOT an equal in the relationship, incapable of changing without "wifely" intervention, unable to own up to what they SHOULD be doing (equal share of housework is a no-brainer, if you lived with him before marriage, probs should have addressed it then? and if you didn't, well, i'm not even gonna go there).

YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT AN EXOTIC ANIMAL. If you have spoken to him about his ineptitude on the cleaning front, and nothing has changed, the conversation becomes how his income will go towards hiring a cleaner to do what he can't be bothered to. NO TRAINING WHEELS REQUIRED!

Also, whatever the straight-lady internet is, I want to stay the fuck out of it, so please don't bring it here.

Posted on December 7, 2012 at 10:31 pm 3

On Gifts, Brolessness, and More Grad School From the Underworld

Extremely, extremely dislike how "dude" perpetuates stereotype of girl with many guy friends being "crazy" or "attention seeking". Very binary way to look at male/female friendships. I hang out with guys for the same reason I hang out with girls - because we have common interests and enjoy spending time together. No tormenting necessary I'd say.

It's fucking 2012, maybe about time to get over social norms of the 1950's.

Posted on March 2, 2012 at 4:24 pm 4