@catalina So, I think I have a compromise solution that may work for you. This is basically what my parents did. Only, they eloped and told people after, and my dad's parents objected that they didn't marry in a Catholic church. So they went ahead and had a Catholic ceremony in my grandparents' hometown to appease them. But they did NOT have a wedding and that whole shebang. They also insisted that my grandparents honor their original, real wedding date for anniversary purposes. Now, my grandparents did do that; they seemed to care more that my parents were married in the eyes of the church at all, and weren't concerned about secular weddings not being real or anything like that. So its application for you works best if your mom takes a similar stance to my grandparents.
Basically, you just do what my parents did, just with advance notice. Get married where and when you want, then have a ceremony - but NOT a "wedding" - in your mom's church on a random Tuesday or whenever the priest will take you (or find a church near her with a more flexible priest if hers is rigid). And insist that the first date is the real one. That way, your *real* marriage wouldn't have any trace of a sham feeling to it, your mom would (hopefully) be happy that your marriage "passes" under her beliefs, and you don't have to deal with the whole throwing-a-wedding expense/hassle.
@catalina From what you've written it doesn't sound like getting married in the Catholic Church is really an option. I don't think a lot of priests are going to agree to perform a ceremony for folks outside the faith and your fiance won't lie to the priest (not that I recommend that!). Is there a third option between the full-out Catholic mass and the city hall ceremony? Like having it at a Unitarian church? Or having a civil ceremony but including some Bible verses and other Catholic traditions? But if anything other than a city hall ceremony fills you with dread, do the city hall ceremony! Don't go into debt! It's super thoughtful of you to consider your mom's feelings but you can't control how she feels.
@catalina My parents are super Catholic as well (like, they refuse to visit my sister even for a party because she lives with her boyfriend, and she's 27 years old).
Are any of your siblings married? Did any of them get married outside of church or talk about getting married outside of a church? I didn't get married in a church and my mom was actually ok with it (I mean, I know she's sad generally that I'm not religious, but that cat was already out of the bag at that point--she didn't give me extra grief about the wedding). I think she was just so glad I wasn't living in sin anymore that she was fine with it. I would definitely have expected more pushback.
@catalina I don't know that I have any useful advice but I have a lot of sympathy. My parents are Jehovah's Witnesses and I used to be one and it is a constant source of family stress between us. Before my husband and I were married we were living together and my family was basically shunning us. When we got married I don't think they cared that it was a court house wedding because they were just relieved that we were getting married. I'm really glad we had the court house wedding though, so stress free. The thought of wedding planning makes me really anxious too. Anyway I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. Families are so complicated.
My dad canceled his first date with my mother to watch the series finale, then sent flowers and rescheduled.
I've always been weirdly obsessed with the Mary Tyler Moore Show, but when I watched it again around 22-24, it pretty much pulled my entire adult life into focus.
I've never understood why women can relate so much to Liz Lemon but they largely ignore Mary Richards.
@catalina As a Wisconsin native, I am convinced that MTM encapsulates the polite, restrained ethos of the upper Midwest.
And don't forget Betty White as Sue Ann Nivens! We all remember Betty as a sweet grandma, but Sue Ann was vicious.
By rockproblems on Leaving the Girl
Of all the typos in this piece, "white whine riesling" is my favorite.
@alien_she Wow, I'm pretty floored by this type of reaction, which seems to be among the majority in the comments. Is it not crystal clear that the writer is examining her past self from a cold remove and with a critical eye? She's not saying I Was Anorexic and Glamorous Wasn't I Just Marvy; she's saying that, at the time, she was living out a fantasy of her/Tina's idea of glamour, and isn't it strange the way our perceptions of ourselves can become so twisted.
I think her writing is beautiful, and I like that she doesn't judge herself entirely one way or the other: In many ways, she was unhealthy and self-destructive and un-glamorous, but in other ways, she WAS free and sexy and mysterious. Why can't it be both? We all contain multitudes. And for you to aggressively dismiss her personal experience because it doesn't fit your holier-than-thou idea of feminism, because you can't empathize with someone who has strayed from the straight and narrow, is...sad. I'm astonished by the level of judgment, slut-shaming, and othering going here.