Ugh once as a little kid I had accidentally locked myself into my parents' bedroom and promptly fell asleep. I was a pretty heavy sleeper and my family was trying everything to wake me up. Finally my dad started chanting "Wake up, we're going for ice cream! Wake up, we're going for ice cream!" Well, that definitely got me up and out the door, but we NEVER went for ice cream that night. I'm still mad. 30 years later.
@noReally Well, she was the debutante back seat of Jackie's car, so that counts for something.
On Two Victors
Thank you for sharing this. It is a stunning piece of writing. I am so sorry for your loss. I was a crying mess reading it at the coffee shop.
The day my grandmother died I was en route to a music festival with friends, high as a kite when I received that dreadful call from my mom. I remember the hurried purchase of a one-way plane ticket, rerouting the whole caravan to the nearest airport, the humbling compassion of friends and strangers, looking back in time to figure out where exactly we were along the NYS Thruway when my 99 year old grandma slipped and fell in her kitchen while making strawberry rhubarb pie. Rochester? Syracuse? Had I already smoked the first joint? The second? What song were we listening to at the moment her head hit the stove?
Anyway, I apologize for the digression, all my compassion and sympathy to you, Molly. Keep running.
@SmartCookie I think it's all or nothing with my mom. A ceremony at the Unitarian church would be just as disappointing as a courthouse wedding. And I agree, I can't control how she feels or reacts. I also think that my brothers and sisters have been stuck in this pattern of hiding things or moving across the country or just opting for the mom-pleasing decision. And I wonder how long we're meant to appease our parents at the risk of full expression of self? Certainly not 35 years.
@OhMarie All my siblings were married in the church. The only slight deviance from form was that my sister married an Episcopalian. (But since he was adopted, my grandma always held out hope that he was born Catholic. An especially bitter pill for her to swallow, being a Catholic from Northern Ireland. He eventually converted to catholicism, as did his parents. Go figure). I'm hoping my mom will react similarly to your parents. My sister honestly thinks it would be easier for my her to accept us eloping than to accept us living in sin. Sheesh.
@Aiani Good for you for following your heart. It sounds like your family came around eventually? How is your relationship with them now?
I don't mean to threadjack here, but I need some advice along the lines of LW3. Ok, my issue isn't about sexual identity, but it IS about disapproving parental figures. I met the love of my life in January. By March we were engaged. I moved in "officially" in June. I have introduced him to my family. My sisters like him, my brothers do too. My mom, well, all she is concerned about is that we get married in a Catholic ceremony. I am lapsed Catholic, he is professed atheist (but he was baptized Catholic, which is the part I emphasize with mom.) He is very respectful, and would not protest getting married in Church if it will make my mom happy. But, I kind of DO protest that. I have lived 35 years under my her super Catholic shadow and I am tired of having to make decisions based on whether or not it will upset Mom. In our heart of hearts, we are already married. A simple ceremony at city hall would be ideal. The thought of planning a wedding makes me super anxious, and beyond that we are broke (and would never dream of accepting financial assistance to fund a wedding). I have talked about this with my siblings, and I keep getting the same answer: "Mom will be crushed if you don't get married in the church." But a church wedding means both of us will be lying about our faith. And while my love is respectful, above all else he is honest, and he would never pretend to be catholic just to get the OK by the priest. Furthermore, mom doesn't even know we live together. (We are 400 miles apart) I know her feelings on cohabitation all to well (she tends to lecture) and I haven't been able to break the news to her. What makes this worse is that Mom is 78 and not in optimal health. I do honestly worry about upsetting her, but at the same time I need live my life the way I see fit. I can't make decisions just to pacify her. Ugh.
Again, I apologize for the threadjack. This has been weighing so heavily on me. I love my love! I just want my mom to be happy that we have found each other and are committed to each other. I don't want this issue to affect how she views our relationship or how she treats him. But knowing my mom like I do, somehow her religious fervor always gets in the way.
I JUST picked up Jock Jams at the Salvation Army in my hood. It's been bumping in my car all week. Cruising down Webster, the Concourse, Sedgwick, Jerome Ave...I feel like the coolest visiting nurse in the Bronx (who can't shake the music of her youth/adolesence).
Hey now! A friend of mine is a graphic artist and was commissioned to do a set of prints representing the 50 states, by bird or flower or something state-ish. Anyway, they are radical and I'm excited to have a place to share them!
I agree with this wholeheartedly. I went on a MTM binge in January and decided both Mary Tyler Moore AND Mary Richards are my life, career, and style muses. I can't love that show enough.