I tweet at https://twitter.com/StandardTuber and blog at http://steelwoolens.blogspot.com - check it out!
@Jazmine Hughes DONE!
@StandardTuber girl pitch us! Everyone pitch us!! submissions at the hairpin dot com
I am trying to think of stuff to write for this version of The Hairpin. What about Mansplaining The News, where we look at the most obvious headlines/lead-ins from news-oriented Twitter feeds like this one?
@StandardTuber YES. She works her ASS off in this movie, and it's GREAT. I cried.
I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH, I DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHY, IT IS PROBLEMATIC ON SEVERAL LEVELS BUT OMG I DO NOT CARE, AND EVERYONE IN IT IS AT THE PEAK OF HER OR HIS HOTNESS. Also the gay specificity of the gay dude felt actually really ideal to me. WILL STOP AND WATCH ANY TIME IT IS ON.
Welp, this is disgusting. This makes me want to follow Doree "Chaff-For-Brans" Lewak around with bins filled with ice water and pigeon droppings and periodically drench her with them. "Oh I'm sorry! I just assumed by your confident strut and significant eye contact that you WANTED the ice cold water and pigeon droppings poured over you, because that's how I catcall ladies."
Also, Doree "My Brain May Be Made of Spam, We Just Don't Know" Lewak, those hunky Israeli construction workers you're referring to would have been, you know, enslaved. So fuck you too.
Take the tab off his beer can and watch him struggle to open it! Not for too long, though--better get it for him and give him a kiss to make up for it. He's still the man, after all!
By Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that) on An Important Internet Classic: 10 Pranks That Will Spice Up Your Relationship
@StandardTuber Tell him you're making steak for dinner, but then make something different that's not steak! ha ha!
@StandardTuber These do get a lot easier to write if you imagine your boyfriend is Fred Willard.
Tell him you're not feeling well and ask that he take your temperature and when he's not looking dip the thermometer into your hot cup of coffee. He'll have a big surprise when he comes back to check your temp!