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StandardTuber

StandardTuber

I tweet at https://twitter.com/StandardTuber and blog at http://steelwoolens.blogspot.com - check it out!

On The First Wives Club Franchise

"First Wives Club: Wifes So Serious?"

and it's about how the first wives compete against their ex husbands' makeup franchise and laugh ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK [Joker face].

Posted on March 25, 2015 at 4:13 pm 0

On Who Do You Have Embarrassing Sex Dreams About? or, Alec Baldwin Did A Thing on Reddit

@Betsy Murgatroyd Was it at least Gorky Park Brian Dennehy, or was it Muppets Movie Dennehy?

Posted on March 17, 2015 at 1:11 pm 1

On Who Do You Have Embarrassing Sex Dreams About? or, Alec Baldwin Did A Thing on Reddit

I had a fairly benign sex dream involving me as a nurse and a wheelchair-bound Jeremy Brett/Sherlock Holmes. We were going to get It on and he told David P Burke/Watson to "get the hell out of here, we're busy, you fool."

I was really mad I woke up before anything really happened.

Posted on March 17, 2015 at 12:54 pm 2

On If You Could Start Any Rumor About Yourself, What Would It Be?

I am the heiress to the BandAid family fortune. It's a blessing, and a curse. Everyone comes to me for bandages so I have to, like, carry seven different first aid kits with me at all times. But, you know, money.

Posted on March 6, 2015 at 4:19 pm 2

On If You Could Start Any Rumor About Yourself, What Would It Be?

You would never guess it but I am actually fluent in seven different languages. I sometime translate for the UN when I fly in to town, but only if they can get me my special hotel room at the UN Inn & Suites, because otherwise I can't get the special newspapers I need to keep up my polyglot status.

Posted on March 6, 2015 at 4:15 pm 0

On If You Could Start Any Rumor About Yourself, What Would It Be?

The character Claire Underwood from the US series House of Cards was modeled after my own personality, physique, and penchant for high-heels. The whole "backs people into corners" stuff is just made up, though.

Posted on March 6, 2015 at 4:14 pm 0

On What Happens If You Put Placenta on Your Face?

@Jazmine Hughes
ack, try this:
http://www.ewg.org/skindeep/ingredient/704919/PLACENTAL_EXTRACT/

Posted on February 25, 2015 at 4:15 pm 0

On What Happens If You Put Placenta on Your Face?

Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but here's what the Environmental Working Group says about placental extracts in cosmetics (scroll down for details like "Potential risk of infectious disease - FDA Ingredients with Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy Concern").

Also FWIW one time I thought it would be a great idea to put some mashed banana in my hair as a conditioning treatment. It took me about 45 minutes of scrubbing and combing to get that shit out of my hair. It didn't do anything. Although, I take that back - I had a great 'nana smell going on for a day or so.

Posted on February 25, 2015 at 3:37 pm 1

On Men Explain Cars To Me

Before you deleted your profile, I hope you wrote a manifesto declaring your love of the open road and not needing any man to take up precious cargo space on your journey into the Asphalt Frontier.

Posted on November 21, 2014 at 1:32 pm 0

On Women Real Tired of Your Shit in Art

How you wanna die, bludgeoned by a cross, drinkin' some poison, or an arrow through your skull!

These ladies are serious.

Posted on November 17, 2014 at 12:56 pm 0