@ LW Numero Uno: In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell talks about how our subconscious mind can pick up on things our conscious mind has somehow overlooked. Could it be some pregnancy hormones causing feelings of insecurity without merit? Yes, it’s possible. However, I think it’s bad idea to dismiss those feelings on that basis without looking into much further. What has caused those feelings to pop up? Is it more than the time apart coupled with the knowledge he’s in a cheating rich environment?
Has he seemed over emphatic that he’s been faithful, as if he’s trying way too hard to convince you? Has he become secretive about certain aspects of his trips? Have there been inconsistencies in his accounts of what he’s done while away?
I don’t believe in sixth senses in the WOOOO sense but I believe our subconscious picks up on things our conscious mind misses. Maybe what’s going on is that your pregnancy is making you more attune to your subconscious?
@Too Much Internet I agree. I'm 6 mos pregnant and my husband just got back from a trip where he did some things that made me feel insecure and unhappy. But I'm pretty sure those things would not have bothered me much at all had I not been with child.
There is something about the vulnerability of pregnancy coupled with the hormones and (let's face it) body size and shape changes that really do a number on you.
If I were this lady I would ask my husband the question point blank, but fully acknowledge TO HIM that it could be pregnancy insecurities rearing their ugly heads & prompting me to ask.
And the final piece is to be satisfied with his answer when he gives it and not second guess( somthing I am having to tell myself right now too).
Okay, LW#1, I am usually in the "trust your gut" camp, but lo, the pregnancy brain can do odd things to your instinct.
But my question to you is bigger. Let's say you're right - that he fucked around with someone while on the road. As is evident from LW#4, sometimes, people do stupid and selfish things with seemingly little thought for long-term consequences.
So let's say he fucked around once, as a one-night stand. Play that tape forward, all the way. What would you do with this information? You think he cheated, yes? Not that he is cheating now? If you confirm that he did something utterly stupid and selfish and fucked around once, with someone who is not any part of his life now, will it add anything positive to your life?
Aside from the very real worry about him being unsafe and exposing you to STDs, which you can alleviate at a routine prenatal check, I don't think the knowledge that he fucked around once will enhance your life.
The reason I mention all of this? I think it might be easier to move past it if you deal with the worst case scenario, rather than agonize about the suspicion. I have a feeling that nothing short of a confession is going to alleviate your suspicion anyway.
All that said, I would tell him that your spidey sense is going off the rails, most likely because of pregnancy brain, being apart during the height of it, and all the stereotypes of band dudes on the road. I would tell him that you couldn't imagine anything more painful than finding out that he was fucking around on you the way his bandmates do. That you wouldn't be with a man who wanted a wife and family at home, but felt free to fuck around while touring - that this is not the relationship you are in, or want to be in. And that you want him to know that about you - that he HAS to know that about you, so that if he ever decides to fuck around on the road, it will destroy your trust and your family.
And then your lines are brightly drawn and unambiguous, and you have asserted some measure of control in a situation where you probably feel the need to have more control.
@hulia Because it bears repeating: NO SNOOPING.
@atipofthehat And in conjunction with that very sound advice: no snooping!
Always trust intuition about infidelity.
Follow up by asking him point-blank, face to face, eye to eye, as calmly as possible?