@whizz_dumb And a far superior band.
@bluebears Allman Brothers are allright in my book. Certainly less racist. 100% less confederate flags.
How can Mr. Cool J feel no sense of responsibility to those of us who watch "Deep Blue Sea" once a month?
@Countess Maritza heh, I imagined it was one of those ultrasounds where the baby will stubbornly only show its butt.
Don't want to get HSV-1? Don't touch anyone. Ever. Because there is no way to really be safe, when even if the poor stigmatized people who actually know they have it are all disclosing it, then the people who have it, but don't know they have it, are still kissing and sexing as freely as can be. Ignorance is bliss, huh?
By E on Ask a Clueless Lady
@MaxBraverman, by the time you are an adult, most people do have strains. And basically, if you have shared a drink, lipgloss or been kissed by any other human, you should assume you have it. Its ok to say not everyone is symptomatic, but its like saying, "not EVERYONE gets colds, ok." That may be technically true, but it's a common human experience and you probably can't prevent all transmission of colds.
People are real shits about cold sores. Lots of people don't know the score on that one, and they act like it's an STI and for people who are symptomatic, its really crappy to feel stigmatized just because they have the poor luck to have outbreaks of a virus we all have. I think the responsible thing is to tell people when you have outbreaks, just like you'd say, "don't hug me, I have a cold" and to be scrupulous during said outbreaks, and to use protection when exchanging fluids below the waist, but I don't think there's some special onus on the people who have symptoms. If people are scared of oral herpes, THEY are the people who should be vigilant since the world is basically out to infect them, not just from sexual contact and the onus is on them to ask. If someone told me that they had never kissed ANYONE, shared ANY drinks, didn't even drink mom's breastmilk, nothing, then I'd say, ok, this is a person without oral herpes, and they have a right to ask partners. Otherwise it's BS, because every single person i know who is like, "i'm scared of cold sores" is someonw who also has said at some point or another, "I totally made out with that random guy last night!". Disclosing it like it's a STD is what makes people feel like it's an STD, which it is not. In fact there's some research to suggest that what protects most of us against getting genital herpes is having oral herpes- that having the oral strain above the waist tends to lend some immunity against the HSV2 moving in downstairs.
So that's my take. I hate getting a cold sore, which I have done once every 1-2 years since I was a kid, all the women in my family get them, all the men don't seem to. I'd love it if someone comes up with a vaccine. But the fact that only people who are symptomatic are the ones who end up knowing the facts is fucked up, if we want to get serious about eradicating herpes, we better all know that the price we'd pay is giving up any human mouth to mouth contact for several generations.
By melis on Ask a Clueless Lady
@fabel No, I think it might work out. Two years from now, she'll look back on this and say, "Wow, it really can happen. Two people can completely and intentionally change the entire tenor of their illicit, covert Facebook "hey-I-wonder-what-fucking-you-would-be-like" in such a way that no one is hurt or disappointed or let down or feels petty and small. We really turned it around. We become honest and true friends, stalwart and reliable, who treated each other as brother and sister, instead of a secret repository of Sex Naughtiness. The girlfriend's feelings were never minimized or ignored, and the two of us came to generally care for each other as human beings. Last month the three of us ran an Ironman triathlon together, and then I supervised their handfasting ceremony before returning home to my own emotionally and sexually fulfilling relationship that I have."
By Jinxie on Ask a Clueless Lady
@Sea Ermine If I had one at the time of said make out session, I would not only say something, I would, you know, NOT make out. But I've only had cold sores twice in the last 5 years, and was made to understand by doctors that they are only transmittable during (or immediately before, when you get a "tingly" feeling that's a surefire warning sign) an outbreak. I guess I never thought to mention to a makeout partner that I get a cold sore once every 3-5 years.
@garli FACE DOWN ASS UP (sorry)
By Lyesmith on Ask a Clueless Lady
I couldn't even read the rest of the letters before I had to comment on Letter 1.
"Am I being crazy for letting a wonderful guy walk out of my life because he's a little thoughtless and because of how this makes me feel?"
LW1, I feel for you so much, but this guy is not wonderful. He isn't a little thoughtless - he's a lot thoughtless. He's neglectful and rude and takes you for granted. I'd argue that there's not much walking out of your life for this "wonderful" guy to do because he's barely there already! If he isn't excited about you meeting his family and friends now, he never will be. If he's not making space for you and calling you and texting you and missing you now, he never will. In fact, he doesn't deserve to be lukewarm about you while still dating you. Does loss of interest happen? Sure, but the only thing to do is try to reignite it or acknowledge it's gone forever and break up. Staying with you while being this dismissive of your time and feelings is such a Douche Move, I can't even. You deserve tons better.
Also? Relationships pretty much are about how other people make you feel. If this dummy cared about you, he'd make you feel it. Whether he's incapable of expressing his feelings or just doesn't have any to express doesn't matter because the resulting silence sounds the same either way.